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I'm at the end of my tether!!
Comments
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You cant blame yourself if this happens.
Dont let him ruin your marriage!0 -
I don't blame myself
I am angry that my OH is being pathetic with our son and shouting at me about it.An average day in my life:hello: :eek::mad: :coffee::coffee::coffee::T
:rotfl: :rotfl: 
:eek::mad: :beer:
I am no expert in property but have lived in many types of homes, in many locations and can only talk from experience.0 -
You sounds understandably bitter & unsupported. It really sounds like you and your OH would benefit from some counselling.
I think that sorting out your relationship needs to be a priority - your son will grow out of this one way or another, but I really think you need to address the problems with your husband before they become irreconcilable.0 -
Your sig says 'I mostly purr but make me growl at your peril' - think it's about time you started growling!!
Sit down with OH, discuss the problem with him and work out what your BOTH going to do - you need to put up a united front.
Then you can tell son exactly what you've worked out with OH. If he doesn't like it he can leave! When I was 19 I had been paying my own way for a year. I know you want him to stick at his uni but he has to start facing facts. Once he's out in the big wide world what's he going to do or is OH going to bail him out forever? Besides having a degree is not the be all and end all.
Sorry you are feeling so down about it - you have more patience than me - I'dve packed his bags and left them sitting on the doorstep!it's not having what you want - it's wanting what you've got0 -
You sounds understandably bitter & unsupported. It really sounds like you and your OH would benefit from some counselling.
I think that sorting out your relationship needs to be a priority - your son will grow out of this one way or another, but I really think you need to address the problems with your husband before they become irreconcilable.
We try - when we went to counselling, he started ranting when I spoke about my issues.
The house is for sale and waiting to sell it. I will have options then.An average day in my life:hello: :eek::mad: :coffee::coffee::coffee::T :rotfl: :rotfl: :eek::mad: :beer:
I am no expert in property but have lived in many types of homes, in many locations and can only talk from experience.0 -
Do you know what happened 3 years ago to make his personality change?
What would it take for your husband to support you in this? Does he know how you feel, that in your view the marriage is breaking down?
Sounds like a lot more communication is needed all round. Nothing will change until you and your husband put your foot down. In the long term your son will thank you for it - nobody else is going to put up with him treating them like this and the sooner he finds that out the better. For all of you.Ellie :cool:
"man is born free but everywhere he is in chains"
J-J Rousseau0 -
He will drop out of uni and blame me
The Little *&%$£@d :mad:
I'm tempted to say "So what" if he wants to drop out. He can blame you all he likes, but it's not your fault - it's his.
My kids could blame me for the bad weather today, or that the sun rises in the morning, or that the sea is cold. Blame only counts when it's actually your fault. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Accept this. (((((hugs)))))
Can you drop the price of your house to get the sale moving on?
Does your OH know how you feel? If not, it's time for the "Unless The Little *&%$£@d moves out/gets job/pulls his socks up it will be the end of our marriage." And put the blame on Sonny Boy
I think for your own good you need to emotionally withdraw from the situation. At 19 you're not responsible for your son's debts. You're not bound to put a roof over his head. If he wants to flunk out of Uni it'll be his life he's wasting NOT YOURS. You certainly don't need to clean up after him and cook his meals (this also goes for OH).
I know this goes against every instinct as a mother and wife, but enough is enough now. They've abused your good nature for too long and it's time for a change.
If you're leaving anyway then start thinking about what needs to happen next.
Sell the house.
Divorce.
Independence.
New Life
You cannot live as I have lived an not end up like me.
Oi you lot - please
GIVE BLOOD - you never know when you and yours might need it back! 67 pints so far.
0 -
happiness_fairy wrote: »Your sig says 'I mostly purr but make me growl at your peril' - think it's about time you started growling!!
Sit down with OH, discuss the problem with him and work out what your BOTH going to do - you need to put up a united front.
Then you can tell son exactly what you've worked out with OH. If he doesn't like it he can leave! When I was 19 I had been paying my own way for a year. I know you want him to stick at his uni but he has to start facing facts. Once he's out in the big wide world what's he going to do or is OH going to bail him out forever? Besides having a degree is not the be all and end all.
Sorry you are feeling so down about it - you have more patience than me - I'dve packed his bags and left them sitting on the doorstep!
Believe this cat growls but they don't listen.
I have tried talking with OH but gets nowhere. He blows hot and cold with me emotionally, rants at me when I want to talk if he doesn't like what I say and doesn't stand up for my/support me when others upset me.
I had left home at 17 and no way wanted to take handouts from my parents.
I don't mind helping him out with uni but to have him squander his money then build an overdraft is too much to bear and not get a PT job like other students.
He has a stubborn attitude. I don't want to leave till this place is sold, I don't trust my son to not trash it if I go, by having his bumming mates round whilst OH at work. He had people round without our permission before when away.
Our son wants to leave anyway and I wouldn't be that upset tbh but I want my money back.An average day in my life:hello: :eek::mad: :coffee::coffee::coffee::T :rotfl: :rotfl: :eek::mad: :beer:
I am no expert in property but have lived in many types of homes, in many locations and can only talk from experience.0 -
Do you know what happened 3 years ago to make his personality change?
What would it take for your husband to support you in this? Does he know how you feel, that in your view the marriage is breaking down?
Sounds like a lot more communication is needed all round. Nothing will change until you and your husband put your foot down. In the long term your son will thank you for it - nobody else is going to put up with him treating them like this and the sooner he finds that out the better. For all of you.
He left school 3 years ago and started uni.
I am all for people having a life and fun but he has never looked for work.
He was helpful in setting this house up but since then done nothing else. He got well rewarded for the help he gave us but since then he has had people in the house when we said no-one whilst away (ie parties). He doesn't keep his room clean, he squandered 2K of his long term savings on crap and now building an overdraft in his student account.
He is found out in lies, he blames me, he lends his money to his bum friends, he was out all hours and making a noise when he got in.
He isn't respecting anyone, including himselfAn average day in my life:hello: :eek::mad: :coffee::coffee::coffee::T :rotfl: :rotfl: :eek::mad: :beer:
I am no expert in property but have lived in many types of homes, in many locations and can only talk from experience.0 -
Hi CC
My thoughts are with you. My son is much worst than yours. He today stole £40 from his nan. Last week he stole all the credit on my phone. He lies about everything and borrows money from others who would beat him to a plup if not repaid. He is always stoned and he also delivers the stuff. Employment wise he has had four jobs in nearly two years, not of which have lasted a month and he has been sacked from all four.
Thinking of you.
BE STRONG
mm X0
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