Overwhelmed week from hell please read

mummyofboys

themull1 wrote: »

So, can you just explain how your son was punished for having to get a guinea pig put down by breaking its legs? stars on a chart? my god, i feel sick at the thought of it. And yes i have kids who wouldnt dream of treating an animal roughly, i wouldnt have even admitted that my child had done that on a forum....and five isnt a toddler, he knew what he was doing. I can't believe his punishment was so lax.

He has been punished by going to bed every night an hour earlyier, having his DS taken off him and his teddy that he sleeps with removed. I have not said anywhere that he has not been punished, the school have also punished him and they brought the community police officer and priest to talk to him. The star chart is for future on going behaviour. I admitted it to seek help, if I had no admitted it to other people ie the school then I think his punishment would have been lax

mummyofboys

I have not said he is a toddler either however he is still young. The law infact state that children cannot be held accountable until the age of 10 and they are trying to up that age so yes I think the punishment is appropriate and the steps I have taken to ensure it does not happen again.

How would you have punished him?

LunaLady

mummyofboys wrote: »

He has been punished by going to bed every night an hour earlyier, having his DS taken off him and his teddy that he sleeps with removed. I have not said anywhere that he has not been punished, the school have also punished him and they brought the community police officer and priest to talk to him. The star chart is for future on going behaviour. I admitted it to seek help, if I had no admitted it to other people ie the school then I think his punishment would have been lax

I think you have done all you can.

jellyhead

LunaLady wrote: »

I think you have done all you can.

Me too. Five is still rather young, and he knows he has upset his parents, school, God (and that's a VERY big deal for a 5 year old) and his grandfather/family.

OP didn't know that the other boy had access to guinea pigs and would be swinging them around the room unsupervised. My 6 year old nephew has guinea pigs and would never get them out without an adult's help, and he knows they are not toys - it sounds as if this other boy has no idea how to treat animals. I'm sure that if OP's son were cruel he'd have been scratched by the cat before now.

It seems to me that this incident would not have happened if OP's son had been on his own, and he has had the blame deflected onto him by a child who is more cunning and used to manipulating adults.

OP is horrified and sickened by what happened and is reacting to it by teaching her son how to care for animals properly. Really, she's doing enough. He's only 5, and will probably remember this incident for the rest of his life.

gingin_2

themull1 wrote: »

i wouldnt have even admitted that my child had done that on a forum....

Writing that alongside your criticism of the OP has to be one of the daftest things I have read on here.

eskimo26

From what little information has been written here i would personally limit contact with your father and brother.

I may well be wrong since i don't know them personally and only you could make the best judgement here but my reasoning is:

1. He called your younger child aggressive and said that that HE is the bad influence while simultaneously lying about his older child's involvement to the point where the story has been so distorted in his sons favour that family members are demonising your child.
What has your child done to be labelled aggressive?

2. He rewarded his son for killing HIS pet. Your Son is younger and if he saw the owner of the animal behave this way he may have presumed this is 'normal' play with a guinea pig. Logically why would the owner of an animal engage in behaviour that would seriously harm it? Your child only has experience with a cat! Guinea pigs are very delicate animals how was he to know this if there own owner is behaving that way with them?

If your father gets into a pattern of constantly demonising your son especially to the benefit of his own get him away. By all means maintain contact just limit it.

Firstly don't go round to his house, it has been proven that he is incapable of making it child friendly.

Honestly your child showed remorse and his only 5, and any boy may be an complete angel when alone but similarly when in the company with another little boy everything becomes more energetic, more rough, more excitable.

I mean for !!!!!! he is fine around the cat if he was going around intentionally being cruel to every animal he meets you should worry, it's all about a CONSTANT pattern of behaviour.

Yes the incident was very distressing, sickening and unfortunate but i think you dealt with it very well, people posting their 5 year old boys would never do this are blinkered fools and most likely have a scapegoat in line to vindicate their children much like your father!

Unless i've got the wrong end of the stick in the next month/few months if your father rings up suggesting a playdate tell him your busy [your a student nurse after all]. You don't have to be rude just be curt so he understands something is up.

Maybe you can shed some more balanced light on his behaviour and relationships with you and your family but right know i can say from what little you've said he disgusts me.

HeatherintheHills

jellyhead wrote: »

It seems to me that this incident would not have happened if OP's son had been on his own, and he has had the blame deflected onto him by a child who is more cunning and used to manipulating adults.

This worries me too. As does the fact that the event was not actually witnessed by an adult. The OP only knows what the boys have told her about how the g/p was injured.

thorsoak

eskimo26 wrote: »

From what little information has been written here i would personally limit contact with your father and brother.

I may well be wrong since i don't know them personally and only you could make the best judgement here but my reasoning is:

1. He called your younger child aggressive and said that that HE is the bad influence while simultaneously lying about his older child's involvement to the point where the story has been so distorted in his sons favour that family members are demonising your child.
What has your child done to be labelled aggressive?

2. He rewarded his son for killing HIS pet. Your Son is younger and if he saw the owner of the animal behave this way he may have presumed this is 'normal' play with a guinea pig. Logically why would the owner of an animal engage in behaviour that would seriously harm it? Your child only has experience with a cat! Guinea pigs are very delicate animals how was he to know this if there own owner is behaving that way with them?

If your father gets into a pattern of constantly demonising your son especially to the benefit of his own get him away. By all means maintain contact just limit it.

Firstly don't go round to his house, it has been proven that he is incapable of making it child friendly.

Honestly your child showed remorse and his only 5, and any boy may be an complete angel when alone but similarly when in the company with another little boy everything becomes more energetic, more rough, more excitable.

I mean for !!!!!! he is fine around the cat if he was going around intentionally being cruel to every animal he meets you should worry, it's all about a CONSTANT pattern of behaviour.

Yes the incident was very distressing, sickening and unfortunate but i think you dealt with it very well, people posting their 5 year old boys would never do this are blinkered fools and most likely have a scapegoat in line to vindicate their children much like your father!

Unless i've got the wrong end of the stick in the next month/few months if your father rings up suggesting a playdate tell him your busy [your a student nurse after all]. You don't have to be rude just be curt so he understands something is up.

Maybe you can shed some more balanced light on his behaviour and relationships with you and your family but right know i can say from what little you've said he disgusts me.

I agree with this posting ...it might be better to limit the amount of time your son spends with your brother and that part of the family .....although it will be difficult to explain to a 5 year old that his grandfather is wrong in not punishing HIS son, and therefore you want them to stay apart for a while.

System

I wouldnt want my young impressionable son mixing with someone who could do that to a poor defenseless creature and not get punished for it. Actually, punishment or not i'd still limit the contact.

meritaten

I, personally, think of a child of five as little more than a toddler - and when in company with an older child most (if not all) will take thier lead from the older child.
This is why kids should be supervised when playing with pets. not just in case they get hurt - but to protect the pet from unthinking cruelty.

I think the OP has dealt well with the situation and was very brave to post, in the full knowledge that the petlovers/childhaters will crucify her.

I hate animal cruelty too - but I do see that it is too much to expect a five year old to recognise deliberate cruelty and to put a stop to it! we don't really know how much blame attaches to this child or the pets owner do we?
I do think it is absolutely disgraceful though that the older child had the Guinea Pig replaced as if it was nothing more than a broken nintendo! that actually reinforces the childs cruelty! and I would certainly not be allowing any more 'playdates'!