Overwhelmed week from hell please read

mummyofboys

I don't know where to start, I have had the week from hell. At the start of the week my youngest son had a test with a consultant whom he has been with for many months. I expected good news, she did the test and told me that my son is prob never going to catch up in his delays and that he actually might have problems for the forseable future, she started talking about funding and specialized schooling ect but at this point my head was not there. I had a review with her and other proffessionals involved in two weeks.

Wednesday night I was at my dads and my son was in the play room with my younger brother, he has two guinea pigs and when we went in we found the guinea pig had two broken legs, after much panic and upset we discovered that my brother had swung the guinea pig and my son had hit the guinea pig resulting in it being severely injured.

This actually horrified me, I felt sick, guilty and severely in shock.

My son is five btw and my brother is 6. The guinea pig had to be put down. I spent a sleepless night wondering what the hell to do, I went into school the next morning and spoke to the head teacher and school teacher, my son has had behaviour issues at school he tends to play very rough and I have been being called in roughly twice a week because of an incident like smacking a child in the playground. He is never naughty in class and is doing very well academically this is why I went in as I was so concerned that this was the next step and not just an isolated incident.

I was also worrying to death after reading that these are how muderers start ect and worrying myself to death googling.

The teacher calmed me down and explained that she thought he was curious and didn't seem to realize the impact of his actions. I have never seen my son look so shocked that day, infact he looked traumatized as he had been severely told off by me and told that the guinea pig was now in heaven because of his actions.

The teacher has now put him on the special needs register at school for behaviour and put his on an IEP ( Individual education/behaviour plan ) this was so we could monitor and seek help if needed from outsiders.

I already do a reward diary at school, I have now introduced mummy/daddy time so each night for 1 hour we do an activity just with him on his own and the other parent does the same with the other child, so we reward his five stars at school with time. If he doesn't get the stars at school he will lose the time and go to bed.

My dad however has taken no responsibility and not punished my brother( at the same school) he infact got a new guinea pig the next day! I had a massive row on the phone saying I think it is unfair and I think that he thinks my son is going to turn out to be a very nasty person, my step grandad infact compared the incident to jamie bulger case infront of my dad and no one defended my son. So we have had a massive row, he blames my younger son for the whole incident and accepts that his son only watched( which is not true) He called my son aggressive and now said that I had done the wrong thing by informing the school and "labelled him"

I feel like all week its gone from bad to worse with both kids and I haven't slept or eaten. I have been attending placement ( I am a student nurse) which is stressfull in itself.

Today I found a message on facebook ( my husbands) trying to locate a girl he slept with years ago they met on holiday and he was obsessed with her for about a years ( before he met me). The message was to a girl of the same name asking if it was her, she replied no and he just said you looked like her thanks anyway.

This has topped the week off, why is he doing this???!! he is saying I am over reacting but I don't think I am.

I feel so overwhelmed with everything

happy35

i dont know what to say to be honest other than I do think you have handled to situation with your son very well. You have been told that he has a learning difficulty that may always be present, you need to give yourself time to grieve and come to terms with what you have been told.

I would also have been horrified by the guinea pig incident, however as neither of them set out to deliberately hurt the guinea pig and the injury was a consequence of being too rough and treating it as a toy rather than a living creature I dont think this fits the profile of animal cruelty linked to psychopathic tendencies.

You sound very sensible and a good mother, I am sure that you will make the right decisions for your sons future. Do you have access to any other parents of children slightly older than you son? If you do you could find out what they have in place for their sons schools and activities etc and build on this.

As for your other half I think Facebook is one of the worst inventions as it creates havoc, only you can decide on how you want to handle this situation

mummyofboys

Hi sorry just to confirm the first bit is consultant appointment/learning difficulties is about my younger son aged 2 1/2. The guinea pig incident is my 5 year old. I have just had the worst week and worries about both of them.

I feel like i want to go to a desert island for a week

mummyofboys

I have enrolled my son to the scouts as a way of socially interacting and learning how to do this without being aggressive. I am awaiting his start date. I just feel like such a bad mum and questioning that I am having different problems with both of them.

This combined with a massive row with my father and now this with my husband is just a mess

happy35

I find if i segment each problem in my mind, and try and work on each one separately it make it easier to cope with. If I dont do this everything just keeps churning around and I end up chewed to death.

Don't be so hard on yourself, your son has done something that was cruel, he was upset when he had found out the consequence of his actions and that is a reaction that you would expect. A 5 year old is not much more that a toddler in some ways, you dealt with the situation and punished him and there is not much else you can do about it.

My son did scouts, I also found sports activities help social skills he did football and taekwondo as I thought the discipline was good for him as he was very boisterous.

notakid

As horrible as it is the G/P incident at the age of five isn't a sign of mental illness, its children being heavy handed with an animal, not understanding its not a toy, however I'd too be very annoyed with any parent who buys a replacement.:( The incident obviously shows both children are far too young to have pets and its showing that they are replaceable and therefore don't deserve respect.

I'd discount anything your father says as well, he is obviously a fool shown by his actions above.

Sorry to hear about your younger son. Remember one day at a time. He may need a special school but it doesn't mean he might not have an independent life some day. You will be proud of him no matter what, all that is different is your expectations will change.

Your husband however is an ar se. But maybe he too is dealing with these life setbacks by remembering the past and thinging eveything would just be hunky dory if he revisited his youth.:cool: That's the kindest thing I can think of saying about his behaviour. Maybe you could have a few nights out with your girlfriends. Remember life doesn't have to revolve around other people.:)

mummyofboys

Thanks , yes that is exactly what I thought about replacing the guinea pig, infact I was very annoyed because the next day when my sn was facing the consequences ie) the teachers being involved. My brother was parading around the school anouncing to my son that he is getting a new one. I was livid, however the better side of me is telling me that I have done the right thing and my son will grow up to be a better person because of it.

why do these things always tend to come up together, I am finding it hard to concentrate at placement, but I don't even want to tell my mentor as I feel like I just look like I have a chaotic home life and it all sounds horrendous.

I have actually been looking at tae kwon do but I was worrying that this could make the aggression worse?

notakid

No its taught it a very peaceful way. You are not allowed to use it to attack or injure from what I remember of my two doing it.:p

They were totally useless but it would be a great disciple to learn to control behaviour.

I know how you feel, it seems horrible things all come at once and makes you question why your family seem blighted. I know I used to look round and be very envious of others, until I found out that the people I thought were perfect were just less vocal of their problems!

As others have said, you seem like a great Mom. Keep your chin up. I could tell you stories that would make your hair curl!:eek:

happy35

i found that the taekwondo was very well run, the kids were made aware that the skills they had been taught were for only in that class etc, the tutor told them that if he had any complaints about them they wouldnt be allowed back etc

I can only speak from my experiences but none of the kids who were in my sons class are aggressive and they are now 16. A few of the kids went as they were either shy or one because he was bullied, his parents thought it would boost his confidence, which it has although he is still very shy.

To be honest any activity will help with his social skills, do the school offer any after school clubs that he would like?

Spendless

mummyofboys wrote: »

I have actually been looking at tae kwon do but I was worrying that this could make the aggression worse?

I don't think it would. I believe it teaches discipline and when it's appropriate to use (not that mine have ever done it). I had a boisterous child, sending him to Beavers/cubs/scouts was the best thing I did for him because they taught independance within a secure environment and turned his 'traits' into leadership qualities.

For the rest I agree with what notakid has said.

patchwork_cat

I don't think the guinea pig has had an overly good week either.

Have you told your father how you feel? Have you instilled into your sons that these are living animals and feel pain? Right from their first contact with animals I would tell my children - gently, they are small and hurt easily.

I don't think that it will have helped telling him that the guinea has gone to heaven. It would be better to tell him that it was in a lot of pain and it died. I feel that your brother should not be allowed any pets, but I don't know how you could deal with it as I don't know your family dynamic.

You are doing the right thing nipping this in the bud, but it would have been better not to have happened in the first place. It is not fair to scapegoat your son it was both of them and they should both be punished.

Criticise me if you like, but I feel very strongly about this - pets are NOT toys and children must be raised to realise that .

As for your younger son it must be a shock to have it spelled out, but it is for the best it is identified and you are receiving help so early, there is thread after thread on here of people wanting disgnosis and fighting the system all the way.