Overwhelmed week from hell please read

kelpie35

First of all you are not a bad mother and you need to give yourself a big pat on the back for how you have handled this situation.

Can I suggest that tae kwon do would be a great thing for your son to have as a hobby. It will teach him discipline and respect.

Please try to keep calm and concentrate on your studies.

I send you my very best wishes x

BitterAndTwisted

I think this is what they mean when they talk about "piling Pelion upon Ossa".

For the moment I would try and concentrate on the most pressing issue and park the others in the corner marked "deal with later, if ever".

And I'd be saving a very special punishment for that idiot husband of yours. What a total ar se.

Has he been offering any guidance to your children or any support to you after these worrying events? I'm not surprised that you feel overwhelmed, I would be, too.

j.e.j.

I can't help agreeing with patchwork cat re. the guineapig. What the hell were a pair of 5-6 year olds doing beating up a guinea pig? OK boys will be boys but that's out of order. I can understand why you're livid that your dad has bought another one. I'd be tempted to report him to the rspca, tbh.

Anyway, this doesn't help you. I'm sorry you've had such a crap week, with one thing after another. Try and take a bit of time out, have a glass of wine, and relax a bit. What's done is done. Also, I'd say don't rule out talking with your mentor. It sounds like you have such a lot to cope with alone, and just telling someone, even if they can't do anything, might help. Good luck with it all.

mummyofboys

patchwork_cat wrote: »

I don't think the guinea pig has had an overly good week either.

Have you told your father how you feel? Have you instilled into your sons that these are living animals and feel pain? Right from their first contact with animals I would tell my children - gently, they are small and hurt easily.

Yes I told my father- he got very annoyed and told me it was none of my business how he parents. I of course have told my son this, I have a cat an he has never been anything but kind to her. My only thought is that because the guinea pig did not react in a way of crying, barking miowing, is that he did not realize how much destruction he was causing. I am devastated at what has happened.

I don't think that it will have helped telling him that the guinea has gone to heaven. I told him this as I did say it died and that it was because of his actions, I also said that the other guinea pig was now very sad as he had took his brother away. I said heaven as he is catholic and I went also down the lines of God is very upset with you and that it is not your right to hurt gods creatures. I am towing a very fine line here as obviously I want to teach him a lesson and make him understand that he is very wrong, but I also don't want to traumatize him beyond belief as he is still only 5.

It would be better to tell him that it was in a lot of pain and it died. I feel that your brother should not be allowed any pets, I also said this as I feel buying a new one was rewarding the incident he had two only one has died so I thought that they could teach him how to look after pets with the current guinea pig. However apparently they can only live as pairs which is something I don't know about as I don't keep them. I still feel it is ridiculous. but I don't know how you could deal with it as I don't know your family dynamic.

You are doing the right thing nipping this in the bud, but it would have been better not to have happened in the first place. It is not fair to scapegoat your son it was both of them and they should both be punished. I also agree it should never have happened, I should have supervized them but I did not realize the guinea pigs were in the same room, it was at my dads and normally they are outside. However I cannot turn back time, so I have tried to do the right thing in dealing with it. I am very mad that my son is being blamed for it wholly. I also believe that the year older my brother is and the fact they are his pets is quite worrying, I don't believe my son would have ever done this to his pet as he would have learnt to love them and be careful like he is with the cat.

Criticise me if you like, but I feel very strongly about this - pets are NOT toys and children must be raised to realise that . I also 100% agree and am certainly not going to criticise you for saying this

As for your younger son it must be a shock to have it spelled out, but it is for the best it is identified and you are receiving help so early, there is thread after thread on here of people wanting disgnosis and fighting the system all the way.

Yes, I just have found it hard to deal with and I think isolated I would have dealt with it better however after everything that has happened this week it is very hard to stop feeling the way i am feeling right now

mummyofboys

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I think this is what they mean when they talk about "piling Pelion upon Ossa".

For the moment I would try and concentrate on the most pressing issue and park the others in the corner marked "deal with later, if ever".

And I'd be saving a very special punishment for that idiot husband of yours. What a total ar se.

Has he been offering any guidance to your children or any support to you after these worrying events? I'm not surprised that you feel overwhelmed, I would be, too.

Yes to be fair he has been great and this has come out of the blue this week, I can't even talk to him right now and I don't want to argue infront of the kids I will have to wait till we are alone to talk as I will get upset

YORKSHIRELASS

Hi, sometimes awful things just all come together at the same time. It doesnt make you a bad Mum. Yes the Guinea Pig situation was awful but keep it in perspective - it was an isolated incident and doesnt mean your son is going to become a psychopath.

As for your toddler, well it sounds like you are doing everything you can. My son has missed most of the last 3 years at school because of chronic illness. We know now that he has just missed too much to catch up and his illness has affected his ability to learn. He may never realise the potential he might have had. Letting go of the dreams you have for your child is so hard but you have to somehow accept that this is how things are. You have to focus on helping your son make the best of his situation and not comparing him to anyone else.

Good luck - and hope next week is better for you.

shelley_crow

patchwork_cat wrote: »

You are doing the right thing nipping this in the bud, but it would have been better not to have happened in the first place. It is not fair to scapegoat your son it was both of them and they should both be punished.
QUOTE]

I don't think it's fair to say that OP made a scapegoat of her son over the guinea pig incident. They were both as culpable as each other but OP's brother is not her child to punish. OP chose to reprimand her son appropriately, seperate to her dad choosing not to punish her brother.

I would have handled it the same, the incident couldn't go without mention, punishing her son for his role in it isn't scapegoating.

mummyofboys

j.e.j. wrote: »

I can't help agreeing with patchwork cat re. the guineapig. What the hell were a pair of 5-6 year olds doing beating up a guinea pig? OK boys will be boys but that's out of order. I can understand why you're livid that your dad has bought another one. I'd be tempted to report him to the rspca, tbh.

I don't think they were beating it up in that context, from what I can gather, they were playing with it my brother got rough by swinging it and my son says that they were playing superheros and the guinea pig was the bad guy. I think it is undoubtably our fault by leaving them unsupervised however I did not realize they were in the house, to be honest I didn't even realize people bring them in the house I thought they were like rabbits.

Anyway, this doesn't help you. I'm sorry you've had such a crap week, with one thing after another. Try and take a bit of time out, have a glass of wine, and relax a bit. What's done is done. Also, I'd say don't rule out talking with your mentor. It sounds like you have such a lot to cope with alone, and just telling someone, even if they can't do anything, might help. Good luck with it all.

Thanks for you reply, to be honest I thought I would get absolutely slated for putting this on here

mummyofboys

YORKSHIRELASS wrote: »

Hi, sometimes awful things just all come together at the same time. It doesnt make you a bad Mum. Yes the Guinea Pig situation was awful but keep it in perspective - it was an isolated incident and doesnt mean your son is going to become a psychopath.

As for your toddler, well it sounds like you are doing everything you can. My son has missed most of the last 3 years at school because of chronic illness. We know now that he has just missed too much to catch up and his illness has affected his ability to learn. He may never realise the potential he might have had. Letting go of the dreams you have for your child is so hard but you have to somehow accept that this is how things are. You have to focus on helping your son make the best of his situation and not comparing him to anyone else.


Good luck - and hope next week is better for you.

Thankyou, I think I am finding the what if's the worst, I am wondering how he will be as an adult, will he live a normal life, will he finish school, have a job, and no one can give me answers to these questions, this is the hardest bit I find.

patchwork_cat

mummyofboys wrote: »

Yes, I just have found it hard to deal with and I think isolated I would have dealt with it better however after everything that has happened this week it is very hard to stop feeling the way i am feeling right now

I think from what you have said about hurting god's creatures is an excellent way of dealing with it.

From what you have said yes you are doing all you can. Very distressing all round, just sad that this had to happen.