Overwhelmed week from hell please read

patchwork_cat

shelley_crow wrote: »

patchwork_cat wrote: »

You are doing the right thing nipping this in the bud, but it would have been better not to have happened in the first place. It is not fair to scapegoat your son it was both of them and they should both be punished.
QUOTE]

I don't think it's fair to say that OP made a scapegoat of her son over the guinea pig incident. They were both as culpable as each other but OP's brother is not her child to punish. OP chose to reprimand her son appropriately, seperate to her dad choosing not to punish her brother.

I would have handled it the same, the incident couldn't go without mention, punishing her son for his role in it isn't scapegoating.

You misunderstand me. The OP isn't scapegoating her son his grandparents (her brother's parents)and step great grandfather are IMO. The OP said that her dad said it was all her son's fault and is not punishing her brother.

j.e.j.

I want to say, too, that kids do do awful things (to pets, to each other..), but not many grow up to be psychopaths.

Ah well, chin up. Here's to next week being better than this one!!

shelley_crow

patchwork_cat wrote: »

shelley_crow wrote: »

You misunderstand me. The OP isn't scapegoating her son his grandparents (her brother's parents)and step great grandfather are IMO. The OP said that her dad said it was all her son's fault and is not punishing her brother.

Ah sorry, yes I see what you mean and totally agree :beer:. Op's dad sounds like he has, "my little boy is an angel and can do no wrong" syndrome. Very dangerous.

jellyhead

mummyofboys wrote: »

Thankyou, I think I am finding the what if's the worst, I am wondering how he will be as an adult, will he live a normal life, will he finish school, have a job, and no one can give me answers to these questions, this is the hardest bit I find.

I think it's probably too early to tell just yet.

I had the same worries as you, but 2 years later my son was in a mainstream school with some 1-1 help, and then he didn't need the help any more. He has finished school now and although he won't be getting any a* grades he will be going to college and will do something ... whatever he does I will be proud of him, as somebody said earlier, you will be too.

At the age of 2 or 3 nobody could really tell me how my son's life would turn out and how much impact his difficulties would have, or which difficulties he would grow out of.

Ask the consultant if he will write things down for you. The one I saw used to summarise everything he'd said and send it in a letter to me a few weeks later, and the same letter went to my GP.

Is there anyone you could take to meetings with you? A best friend perhaps? Not your dad.

This has been an awful week for you - it's a shock and is a lot to take in. It will be making everything else seem worse and more overwhelming but it sounds like you've dealt with everything properly and are a good, capable mum. You will be okay, and your 5 year old will probably grow up to be a kind and loving person.

Have you talked to your husband yet? Maybe he was just saying hello on facebook - it doesn't necessarily mean he wants to be with his ex. Talk to him instead of worrying and getting worked up. Fingers crossed for you xx

peachyprice

happy35 wrote: »

as neither of them set out to deliberately hurt the guinea pig and the injury was a consequence of being too rough and treating it as a toy rather than a living creature

notakid wrote: »

As horrible as it is the G/P incident at the age of five isn't a sign of mental illness, its children being heavy handed with an animal, not understanding its not a toy,

Jesus christ, are you two serious?

One child swung a living creature while the other hit it resulting in the animal being so severely injured it had to be PTS.

If these are not deliberate acts of causing injury to an animal, I don't know what is. These are 5 and 6 year old children, not toddlers, children that are well and truly old enough to know that you DO NOT do that to a living creature. It's totally inexcusable.

OP, while I don't suppose your son will turn out to be a murderer, this is not the normal actions of a caring child. Perhaps he was egged on by your brother, in which case there is no way I would let a child of mine spend time with the other boy if he can be such a bad influence.

lisax_2

Blimey, you sound like a wonderful mother, doing all you can to do the best by your child.
The guinea pig incident...well, accidents happen. My friends daughter squeezed her rabbit to death....she loved him soo much...
The husband.....well lots of people try to recreate bits of their past and I'm not sure what that means....but its probably a good job you know, so you can keep an eye on him. If he knows you keep an eye on him, he's far less likely to get up to things he shouldn't be doing.
Big hugs to you....

notakid

peachyprice wrote: »

Jesus christ, are you two serious?

One child swung a living creature while the other hit it resulting in the animal being so severely injured it had to be PTS.

If these are not deliberate acts of causing injury to an animal, I don't know what is. These are 5 and 6 year old children, not toddlers, children that are well and truly old enough to know that you DO NOT do that to a living creature. It's totally inexcusable.

OP, while I don't suppose your son will turn out to be a murderer, this is not the normal actions of a caring child. Perhaps he was egged on by your brother, in which case there is no way I would let a child of mine spend time with the other boy if he can be such a bad influence.

Jesus Christ have you got children?

No five or six year old should be left alone with an animal esp one as defenseless as a G/P.

A five year old doesn't know their own strength. As you wouldn't leave a 5/6 year old alone in home you wouldn't leave them with something they could hurt because they have no idea of the consequences of their actions.

As the OP says, she had no idea what was happening with the pet. She was a visitor, and she assumed that such young children would not have access to animals.

I've rescued by childrens hamsters from other children. One putting it on the swing! :eek: These weren't young children, 9/10. Some children just aren't very kind and need to be watched. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them, we are not defined by our childhood actions.

Sally_A

Sorry, but I am totally abhorred by this post, and even more so that your dad has bought another Guinea Pig, as if they are not living creatures but are toys that operate with batteries.

If it was my kid that did that, I'd have punched him into the middle of next week.

What if the Guinea Pig was a dog? that chose to bite back?, yeah! the poor dog would have been put down for aggression.

Sheesh...I hang my head in shame for being part of the human race sometimes.:(

peachyprice

Of course I've got children.

There's a world of difference between a child treating an animal as a toy i.e putting a hamster in a swing or as a poster above said squeezing too hard out of love and deliberately hitting it and swinging it around. Can you imagine how much that guinea pig must have been squealing, and they carried on.

mummyofboys

Obviously you can see how ashamed and upset I am at the whole situation. Obviously I can't go back and turn back time or I would, however what I can do is try my best to make sure it never happens again. I have never nor would ever condone violence to animals and I certainly tell my children that. He has been punished and steps have been taken to prevent it ever happen again. I can assure you he will not be left with animals. I don't think it is helping me to hear that it is awful and how bad you think my child or parenting is. I came on here just to vent andfor abit of support. If I wasn't deeply worried and trying to make sure this didn't happen again I would not be posting on here