27yr old living an old mans life - help!

stebiz

Rizlas post isn't as ridiculous as it sounds. Sometimes we all need a kick up the ****. I would never stray from my wife but would it be so wrong to try and get a bit of the green eyed monster out of a partner, by mentioning another girls name a few times. And how she is showing interest in you. At the same time saying 'but she could never offer what you do but we need to keep our relationship as strong by doing ?????'.

This way you are saying that your partner has all the qualities you are after but we have let some things slip. She (or he for that matter) shouldn't sit around on their laurels.

Relationships always need working on - in my opinion.

Regards
Stebiz

But don't have an affair - that is just plain daft and disrespectful.

Lusignan

stebiz wrote: »

would it be so wrong to try and get a bit of the green eyed monster out of a partner, by mentioning another girls name a few times. And how she is showing interest in you.

Over the age of about 13, yes.

stebiz

Lusignan wrote: »

Over the age of about 13, yes.

I don't understand why. If somebody (and this could be male or female) seems to lose respect for themselves, do they not need keeping on their toes a little? What could be wrong with that??

Stebiz

abarthman

stebiz wrote: »

I don't understand why. If somebody (and this could be male or female) seems to lose respect for themselves, do they not need keeping on their toes a little? What could be wrong with that??

Damn right. Nowt worse than a complacent plumper!

rizla01 wrote:

And I do speak with first hand experience in these matters. Do You?

Me, too, but I suspect that some of the female posters lift their points of view straight from Dear Deirdrie columns of the womens magazines!

Scarlett1

too many sun readers in this thread :rotfl:

rizla01

Actually, having given more thought to this I am wondering if the problem isn't that because you are trapped by DEBT and the inability to leave, coupled with the fact that this is HER home (Albeit her dads') that this in itself is the reason that you are looking to your wife as the cause of your feeling of being trapped and are therefore looking at leaving HER as the solution.

If you didn't have the debt problem and were able to go and rent somewhere else, quite freely, I wonder if you would still see her as your imprisoner.

Bit like a caged bird. Open the door and they will escape, no matter what?

mr218

I think that the OP is really unhappy and that combined with his financial troubles is really grinding him down. we dont know what his girlfriend feels like and what she wants. i am a woman and i find some of the comments and stereotypical reaction from some other women posters very catty and very unhelpful. there is something very nasty about it.

it does not matter in a relationship, whose 'fault' it is. but he is not happy. she is ostensibly not very happy either. they are not married, he is feeling trapped and they dont have a loving relationship. they are civil to each other and care about each other. having a good sexual relationship especially at that is age, should be key to a good relationship.

to the OP, get yourself on the DFW board, if you already havent. sometimes when you feel down it is difficult to think properly. you might be able to live on your own although it will be tough and rough. surely a few years of that is better than constantly feeling unhappy about your situation now.

i think that when you actually take the plunge and split up you will panic slightly initially but you will feel a lot of relief later. you need to dispassionately look at your finances and with help from other posters out here you could arrive at a better solution. dont be afraid of the hard graft involved and dont let it put you off from doing the right thing.

first and foremost you need to start talkign to your gf and even if as you thinnk she is not being honest about your relationship, you need to lay your feelings openly to her. discuss your lack of a sexual relationship openly. maybe go to RELATE. whatever you do, dont just sit there thinking about how dreadful it is. be proactive. if you took out loans to help your GF, talk to her about how she will repay it to you.
good luck. sometimes it seems like everything is dreadful and you are feeling down. you need to have a good idea of what you want out of your life both financially, personally and emotionally and figure out how you will go about achieving it. get rid of the defeatist attitude and work with her or without her if she does not want a change.

rizla01

i am a woman and i find some of the comments and stereotypical reaction from some other women posters very catty and very unhelpful. there is something very nasty about it.

WELL DONE YOU!

Couldn't agree more and there are some very balanced and well thought out views in your post.

pinkdiamond

I just want to put across my opinion as a woman, since i think a lot of the ladies on this thread have been criticising you unfairly. From what you are describing, this relationship is past its sell by date.I dont think its either of your faults, but you have just matured in the time that you have been together and grown apart. You only have only life and I would say the best thing for you is to sit down and think about leaving minus your financial worries. If you feel that life without this woman would be better then MOVE OUT. you will be doing her a favour in the long run. if it was me i woulld hate someone to stay because they were worried i couldnt look after myself. i think it sounds like this girl has taken enough from you. in fact i am quite horrified you have run up debt to put her through uni. you need to move on and get your life back. it will be hard being single with little money. but i do promise you it is fun. and what if the right person was out there and this relationship was preventing you from meeting them. dont let her hold you back. it sounds like if you dont leave you are going to regret it. is this what you want for your life in five or ten years time. i dont think so. get out while you can!

hsgamboy

Grex80 mate, next time you seek advice on these threads, you should clearly state that 'woman advices are not welcome'

I recognise most of the women on this thread attacking you rather than helping you with some constructive advice. People such as Rachel_B and Zara are the angriest feminist that you will ever come across.

There are lot of bitter and twisted women on this site, theyt will jump at most blokes necks and start squeezing without fully understanding what us blokes are going through.

They are just men-haters, who possibly have had some bad experiences with men in past and are still carrying those emotional scars. Simply ignore them.

Mate, Couples should try and maintain the stuff that made them attracted to one another in the first place. We all have these tendency to let go and stop trying once we are in a comfortable relationship. Love is a footy game that has to be played a full 90mins, once a player stop trying, he will let the whole team down and possibly end up throwing the game away.

Have another word with the missus and tell her what exactly you need her do to help the relationship work. Revisit the gym topic again with her and let her know that she needs to lose some weight, get fitter and you need her to be more attractive to you. Some men like bigger women (so no argument there) but you my friend and other many of us aren't attracted to big women and that will just put a strain on your relationship.

I am 36 with a well built body - six packs and all that, my wife is an attractive slim 25 year old woman. One of the reasons we were attracted to one another was our looks and bodies - this was before we got talking and found out we have a lot in common. Bang, we got married and have been together for two years now. I regularly work-out and play sports to maintain my shape because my wife just loves it and it will keep her happy. So as well as I enjoy my sports, gym sessions and looking good, I am purely doing it for my wife because i love her.

Like wise she maintains her good looks and body for me and we are very happy with eachother. I know this will not last forever as we all grow old and lose our nice bodies and good looks. Until then mate we are going to maintain them just for one another.

Once we lost the nice bodies and good looks, then we still have the other stuff that we have in common to keep us going until we die:beer: Talk to your dear lady and explain stuff, one thing you should never do mate, is shacked up someone you are no longer attracted to and they refuse to do anything to change that. Leave if that ever happens and start over - you are still young mate.

Ps - your sex life is wasted mate -- We doing it everyday and more than once. Except when the woman bodyclock system doesn't permit it:rotfl: :rotfl: