27yr old living an old mans life - help!

SoozieSoo

grex80 wrote: »

Thanks. That's exactly what I need to hear.

I really regret posting this thread now. I didn't realise how much abuse I would get.

Maybe if you appeared shocked at hearing your girlfriend described as a tub of lard I might think you are genuine and not a troll.

hsgamboy

grex mate take no notice mate. women like zooziesoo were the exact women I warned you about. They are just twisted and angry women who for one reason or another ain't getting the love they demanded off their current (thought that very much) or ex-lovers.

They are not only defending the women action group, also they are fighting for all the fat-women club. They don't like the size zero women very much either. So all you're going to get from them are going be negative stuff.

What's wrong with a bloke wanting her woman not to get lazy and let herself go?

Hang in there matey and hope you get stuff sorted out. Ignore any of those women ( the size 8) who fancy you at work or elsewhere. Get this sorted out with your woman first and your finances.

bigpaws23

Oooo, what an amazing thread!

I've been with my husband for 10 years and we are very much *in* love.

But to find each other, we went through some !!!! relationships, to find out exactly what we *didn't* want - that is what being a teenager and 20-something is all about in my opinion (although, I am an incurable romantic and do believe that a couple can be childhood sweethearts and stay together blissfully for some 60+ years.)

You are young, so get out of your dead-end relationship and make a new start. I have been exactly where you are now - my partner 'let himself go' and I couldn't afford to move out. So I stayed. (he never thought there was a 'problem' either and was in complete denial)
in the end the relationship got violent, which forced me to move on.
You know what? Whatever situation we find ourselves in, in our lives, we *always* get through it and you will be fine.

Something will turn up that will enable you to get out of this situation and you'll move into a better life. You'll also free up your girlfriend to find happiness too. I don't believe that she is happy with you; I think her self-esteem is rock bottom and I think you are both using each other out of fear of the unknown.

When you are on your deathbed you will only regret the things that you didn't do; so pack up, move out and start living the life of your dreams.

Incidentally, my husband and I have an understanding that finding one another attractive physically is very important to us, and we both would not tolerate one another letting their appearance go.
We are not by any means vain, but we're honest! I don't believe that looks don't matter - we're visual beings, every single one of us and in 99% of cases it is that 'first look' that either attracts you or doesn't to someone else.
I'm sorry if this sounds shallow to others, but it is the way we feel and I am certain it is the way most people honestly think.

If you are in the brother / sister relationship at the age of 27, it's time to move on. Your soulmate *is* out there, and imo, that doesn't mean perfection; it means you are prepared to be in love with them and their flaws and you can compromise.

Bigpaws x

SoozieSoo

hsgamboy wrote: »

grex mate take no notice mate. women like zooziesoo were the exact women I warned you about. They are just twisted and angry women who for one reason or another ain't getting the love they demanded off their current (thought that very much) or ex-lovers.

.

I am very lucky. I have never had a bad relationship. Been with the same man all my life. So your observation is inncorrect. I just know there are good men out there who don't judge women on beauty or being a size 0.

I would love my husband even if he was badly disfigured in an accident. That is love. It is unconditional.

One day all of us will be old and grey and our beauty will fade. If you put such a high price on looks, you will end up dissapointed one way or another.

lewt

grex80 wrote: »

Thanks. That's exactly what I need to hear.

I really regret posting this thread now. I didn't realise how much abuse I would get.

you could always run off with the fair people grex

croboy

Hi Grex,

I was in a very similar situation to yourself a few years ago and can really sympathise with your situation.

Its really hard to make a clean break from someone who you 'love' but are not in love with and is clinging to you for dear life. The only difference in my situation was that the reason i was 'tied' was because i dont really have a lot of family and her family (especially parents) were like my own so i found it really hard to let go. Also i loved her like a sister and she still adored me so it was really hard to get out of the situation

Its really hard to just 'bring up' that you want to split up and if it hadnt been for me falling in love with someone from work and cheating then getting caught 'subconsciously maybe on purpose' i think id be with this person just exisiting instead of living.

In the short term your going to cause this person a lot of pain (someone who you probably love like a sister) but in the long term you will both be happier (me and the girl involved are both getting married this year (not to each other) and are now friends).

YOu need to end this the 'hard way' and sit her down and explain how you feel. This will paint you as the villain but ultimately you will feel so much better

Ignore any bitter people on here reacting to the fact that you referenced her putting on weight. Its simply a FACT and you are being honest. People do put on weight when they get 'comfortable' and are living with each other. You owe it to each other to look good for each other and like it or not but she isnt doing this and has gotten lazy with her appearance. The sex thing too is an issue and sex does ultimately go downhill when you live together. I liken it to like a having a mcdonalds restaurant in your front room-you love it when its a novelty but 24/7 on tap you get a bit bored of it. Again you have to work at this!

Good luck and be brave. PM me if you need anything. Someone once said that ending a long term relationship is like pushing a coke machine over. You wont do it in one clean sweep-it will rock backwards and forwards then eventually topple!

maryotuam

I'm still "in love" with my OH nearly 30 years down the line. I've tried not to let myself go in order to have the best out of our relationship. He hasn't done as well as me (think Homer Simpson) but I still love him and our relationship is still vibrant and exciting..

I think it's unfair of your girlfriend not to notice your unhappiness. Her complacency is selfish.It seems as though if she's happy that's all that matters to her. Watch out for her attempting to get pregnant just to hold onto you as she will probably also be terrified of the challenge of being on her own for the first time in years.
I agree with other posters that you will probably both feel a lot better in a years time and to me it seems like you just don't bring out the best in each other.

Good luck to you both.

grex80

Thanks for all the advice so far, I've got a lot to think about.

I guess the thing that really gets to me above all is the lack of sex. I'm not hideous by any means, but with every rejection I get, i feel more and more unattractive.

Anything nice I do these days is met with being accused of just doing it to get sex. I'v always bought her presents, and did other nice stuff so I really don't understand where this is coming from.

I could almost take this kind of treatment if I was retired or whatever, but to be living in a sexless relationship at 27 is too much to bear, particularly when my mates who are in similar longterm relationships quite openly admit that they "get it" more than four times a year...

I realise that sex is not the be all and end all, but I do believe that physical intimacy is a very important part of a relaionship.

It was suggested that I could always get it elsewhere, but It'd feel wrong, and I couldn't bear to hurt her.

I feel like i'm going round in circles with nothing getting better.

Rachie_B

grex80 wrote: »

Thanks for all the advice so far, I've got a lot to think about.

I guess the thing that really gets to me above all is the lack of sex. I'm not hideous by any means, but with every rejection I get, i feel more and more unattractive.

Anything nice I do these days is met with being accused of just doing it to get sex. I'v always bought her presents, and did other nice stuff so I really don't understand where this is coming from.

I could almost take this kind of treatment if I was retired or whatever, but to be living in a sexless relationship at 27 is too much to bear, particularly when my mates who are in similar longterm relationships quite openly admit that they "get it" more than four times a year...

I realise that sex is not the be all and end all, but I do believe that physical intimacy is a very important part of a relaionship.

It was suggested that I could always get it elsewhere, but It'd feel wrong, and I couldn't bear to hurt her.

I feel like i'm going round in circles with nothing getting better.

of course it is

I am just guessing here, but maybe she feels less like having sex these days as shes not feeling particularly sexy ?

she may say shes happy as she is but most larger people arent ! its a cover up lol

did the sex lessen as she put on the weight ?

Only you know deep down if you want to be with her,

but dont beat yourself up over it all,you are 27 and need to be happy and if theres no future with her then she needs to know,as hard as that will be telling her as i know from experience

its the old being cruel to be kind scenario

you could plod along staying together just because its *easier* but will only end up resenting her even more than it sounds like already do ?

like someone suggested ,go on the debt forum ,sort your financial mess out and then at least you wont have that burden to worry about aswell

good luck with it all

maryotuam

Sex is about intimacy among other things. Without that intimacy I can imagine you feeling rejected and even lonely. Your GF seems to not value you and is taking you for granted. She probably doesn't believe you've got it in you to escape and look for a better relationship. But you can and the short term difficulties you will experience will be worthwhile putting up with in order to have a much more fulfilling life.