27yr old living an old mans life - help!

Acc72

To be honest, I think it would be a good idea to speak with your girlfreind and have an honest "cards on the table" chat - you might find that you are both feeling the same way and both have the same ideas of how to move forward (whether that be to part ways or to stay together and work on your relationship).

I do agree with Tizzi (this is not directed at you personally) in that it seems people these days are constantly looking for a "soul mate" or perfection, when in reality none of us a perfect.

Just as in every other areas of our lives, there are times when we are more happy and times when we are less happy.


Ps - I just love any thread that involves men / affairs / csa etc : it seems that there are quite a number of female contributors who may be bitter from their own experiences and are keen to blame men for everything without knowing all of the facts (eg. - it is the OP's fault that his girlfriend has gained weight !!!).


I sometimes read the "Dear Deirdre" type columns - if a woman writes in to say she is having an affair they are given sympathy because their husband is obviously not giving them enough attention, but if a man is having an affair then he should be hung drawn and quartered !!

Scarlett1

Acc72 wrote: »

To be honest, I think it would be a good idea to speak with your girlfreind and have an honest "cards on the table" chat - you might find that you are both feeling the same way and both have the same ideas of how to move forward (whether that be to part ways or to stay together and work on your relationship).

I do agree with Tizzi (this is not directed at you personally) in that it seems people these days are constantly looking for a "soul mate" or perfection, when in reality none of us a perfect.

Just as in every other areas of our lives, there are times when we are more happy and times when we are less happy.


Ps - I just love any thread that involves men / affairs / csa etc : it seems that there are quite a number of female contributors who may be bitter from their own experiences and are keen to blame men for everything without knowing all of the facts (eg. - it is the OP's fault that his girlfriend has gained weight !!!).


I sometimes read the "Dear Deirdre" type columns - if a woman writes in to say she is having an affair they are given sympathy because their husband is obviously not giving them enough attention, but if a man is having an affair then he should be hung drawn and quartered !!

yep thats right we are all bitter pmsl!!, im 7.5 stone and if I was ever that unhappy and my weight went up to 8 stone I would be considered 'letting myself go', but dont tell me if a man puts on weight its because of good home cooking and blames the woman, what utter male poppyc0ck
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Timmne

Acc72 wrote: »

Ps - I just love any thread that involves men / affairs / csa etc : it seems that there are quite a number of female contributors who may be bitter from their own experiences and are keen to blame men for everything without knowing all of the facts (eg. - it is the OP's fault that his girlfriend has gained weight !!!).


I sometimes read the "Dear Deirdre" type columns - if a woman writes in to say she is having an affair they are given sympathy because their husband is obviously not giving them enough attention, but if a man is having an affair then he should be hung drawn and quartered !!

Ha - absolutely what I was thinking!

OP I think you should leave her - you really must find a way to pay that money back without having to have her around to do it - maybe get another job and that'll kill a few birds with one stone - earn you more money to pay the debts off, get you out of the house that you'll be sharing with someone else and find you a whole new range of ladies to try your luck with!

I know I'll be slated for this but I'll share my thoughts nevertheless....

I would probably be upset if my girlfriend put on all that weight and didn't show an ounce of concern about it - it really shows an underlying lack of respect for you, that she's got you and doesn't need to bother trying to keep you. I know 'real beauty' is meant to be on the inside and I agree with this to a certain extent, but not to the point that you can let yourself go and affect a relationship.

My GF and I have put a couple of pounds on each since we moved in together 2 years ago (due to the increased social life living in the city centre combined with severe lack of excercise) and we're both working to get rid of it as you do find yourself becoming more lazy and settle into an eat-eat-eat mentality if you're not careful!

I love her dearly and wouldn't stop loving her whatever weight she was, but I would find it hard to keep a "spark" in our relationship if I was fighting over food or bed space with her - it's just not "attractive", whether the person's personality sparkles or not!

Hope this didn't sound too jibberish, and I won't be paying attention to fat feminists slating this post!

Zoetoes

The great thing is within a couple of months of him finally going he'll bump into her and she'll be a size 12 again!!

It's probably just what she needs to get out of the rut (the crappy 'relationship') that she's stuck in herself.

Lusignan

Dear oh dear - if you're fighting for bed space with a size 18 woman, the bed must be a small one! Not to mention the implication that a size 18 is trying to snaffle the food off your plate.

I still maintain that the OP's girlfriend may have an issue with depression, but if she can't/won't acknowledge it and get help, I don't really think there's a way forward. I certainly wouldn't leap to the assumption that she's snagged her man and has therefore decided that she can bloat. I'm not going to apportion blame - the OP does sound like a caring guy to me, but the relationship has probably run its course and they'd be better off apart because they seem to want entirely different things.

I read this thread and I'm profoundly grateful for my non-shallow husband. Should I dump him because he's losing his hair and getting wrinkles?

Lusignan

zoeleigh wrote: »

The great thing is within a couple of months of him finally going he'll bump into her and she'll be a size 12 again!!

It's probably just what she needs to get out of the rut (the crappy 'relationship') that she's stuck in herself.

Bingo - couldn't agree more. Some people are better off apart.

Acc72

zoeleigh wrote: »

The great thing is within a couple of months of him finally going he'll bump into her and she'll be a size 12 again!!

It's probably just what she needs to get out of the rut (the crappy 'relationship') that she's stuck in herself.

That is exaclty the kind of childish and sexist reply I was talking about.

How on earth do you know that this relationship is "crappy" ?

Even if it is "crappy" you seem to have placed all of the blame on the man without knowing any of the facts !!


The OP has stated that he still loves his partner and is looking for advice - I for one hope that they work out what they both want.

Lusignan

Acc72 wrote: »

How on earth do you know that this relationship is "crappy" ?

Even if it is "crappy" you seem to have placed all of the blame on the man without knowing any of the facts !!

The OP seems to be acknowledging that it's gone wrong for him, wherever the 'blame' lies. From what he's said (and that's all we've got to go on), things clearly need to change - at least one of them is unhappy. She may be blissfully happy, she may not, but it's not unusual for people to change lots of things in their lives when relationships end.

Zoetoes

Acc72 wrote: »

That is exaclty the kind of childish and sexist reply I was talking about.

How on earth do you know that this relationship is "crappy" ?

Even if it is "crappy" you seem to have placed all of the blame on the man without knowing any of the facts !!


The OP has stated that he still loves his partner and is looking for advice - I for one hope that they work out what they both want.

I said crappy relationship, not crappy relationship which is the blokes fault.

He says he loves his partner, he probably loves his mother aswell, he's already said it's not that sort of love anymore.

The 'relationship' is both of them stuck in a rut, he's staying because it's cheaper for him, not sure why she's staying as unfortunately she isn't on here giving her side of the story.

And having mates round and loud music etc would get on my nerves aswell, sounds like he's doing things the wrong way round.

rizla01

Hi Greg,

Glad to see that you are still reading this after all of the criticism and attacks on your person.

If you would LIKE this to work then how about trying to make her jealous of you?

Talk about the girl in the office that made a pass at you (Laughing it off).

Make her realise that she is under threat of losing you.

Perhaps that'll make he pull her socks up.

From what I read (And I have first hand experience of being trapped in a relationship) you NEED to get out.

(My OH went from 7 1/2 stone size 10/12 to size 18 but only after giving me three lovely children. I had to be a father to them regardless of the fact that I found my OH quite repulsive. I was trapped. I made up for it by straying once or 14 times and that kept me sane but consequently the relationship ended and it was a HUGE relief for both of us. We are both MUCH happier now and neither blames the other.)

Not that I condone it but how about making yourself bankrupt. It gets you away from the pressure of HAVING to stay and, perhaps ruining the rest of your life.

You only get one stab at it remember.

If you do go down this route, forget having a mortgage - you will have to continue renting - but this seems the way for most young folk today anyway.

You have put yourself in debt for her and lived HER life for many years in HER dads house.

All I can say is that you owe this tub of lard nothing but you owe yourself every opportunity to be happy.

BTW. Ignore the personal 'Slagging off' type comments on here.

Good luck, anyway.