Partner doesn't give me what i need, do i stay?

scooby088

FatVonD wrote: »

Having children tends to put the kybosh on being spontaneous, it must be even more marked when both parents are still together so there are no weekends when the child/children are with the other parent.

That and both working full time really does lend itself to not being very spontaneous.

bright_side

Mojisola wrote: »

In the early years of a relationship, it's easy for one side to make an effort to do things that aren't really "him" and the other side to make allowances that he doesn't do everything she would want. As things settle down, he reverts to his normal self, she stops making allowances and what was keeping the relationship together isn't there any more.

Only you and your OH can work out if the relationship can be saved. Classic question - have you tried couple counselling?

This is totally what happened with me and my (as of yesterday ) ex. I wasn't in the best of places when I met him 6 years ago and at the time the things that I considered vital in a partner were...someone that didn't hit me, wouldn't ever cheat on me and didn't shout abuse at me. Obviously those things are still of upper most importance to me, however I realised over the years that it's not the be all and end all - I need more than just that from a partner.
In the early days (years even) I just accepted the things that weren't quite as I would've liked. He wasn't what I would call an intentionally selfish man, but in his world, he came first - ALWAYS. I felt he belittled my views on things and he couldn't communicate at a level that I now feel is important in a relationship. I tried and tried to explain to him, but if I'm honest I realised some time ago that we're just not on the same wave length. I began to resent him and stopped trying to talk to him about how I felt - there didn't seem any point when I knew I would never get through to him.
So, I am now a singleton. I asked myself time and time again if it was better than nothing and came to the conclusion that what I had was 'nothing' anyway. To continue wouldn't have been fair on either of us, he now has the option of meeting someone who is on his wavelength and living happily ever after.

Life is too short to spend with someone who doesn't fulfill (at least) the majority of your needs.