Partner doesn't give me what i need, do i stay?

peachyprice

DarlingBuds wrote: »

yep, told him everything, he's known for 10 out of the 12 years. says he will try, but nothing happens

Why on earth did you have a child with him then, did you think it would change him?

FBaby

If its been unhappy with my partner for 10 years without any progress in his ways and the main reason why I was staying was my child then yes I would definitely go.

DKLS

Barneysmom wrote: »

Spontaneity is for teenagers and hobos, people with no responsibilities.

You can't just pack a bag a go off for the weekend and have parties any more so find something that'll be absorbing and take your mind off the fact that you're bored rigid and expecting him to come up with the answers.

One of the many reasons I choose to be child free, I love our spontaneous weekends, fancy breakfast at Betty's, weekend in the dam, weekend in bed the choice is ours.

scooby088

DarlingBuds wrote: »

thanks for the lovely comment... i have tried everything for 10 years, how dare u say i'm moaning on the internet! at least i'm not arguing in front of our child, stay away from my posts

If you don't like my posts then don't post and moan on the internet, you make this public although anonymous, shows what respect you have for your OH who you proclaim to love so much. I don't care about you or your situation, you made your bed and all that.

VestanPance

Might be worth trying counseling as a way to getting your other half to either open up, or understand exactly how you feel.

It may be he doesn't understand exactly how you are feeling and thinks things are fine. Suggesting visiting someone like RELATE any other counseling service may be a wake-up to him to how unhappy you actually are and hopefully allow you to openly discuss the issues at hand.

It could be very easy to get into a routine after a long time together and even more so when you have children to look after. Sounds like over the years as a couple you've forgotten to keep some special time aside just for the two of you and day to day routine has taken over.

Best of luck on resolving your problems.

System

you made your bed and all that.

What a truly vile thing to say

scooby088

Judi wrote: »

What a truly vile thing to say

Why????

OP is the only one that can change her situation, changing for someone is wrong thing to do OP's OH needs to change for himself and that change may also to leave the OP. No one who has posted on this thread can tell the OP what to do, I posted my original reply to OP she didn't like it and I said what I said in reply to her no liking what I had to say.

FBaby

Interesting the comment about changing for someone being wrong. I an much more interested in changing my ways to make those I love happy than for my own benefits. I am not saying I would accept any demand but would certainly be prepared to make changes requiring efforts if I knew it made my partner/children happy. I do this all the time. Maybe so does the op and this is why she has some expectations in return. Maybe this is why many couples go wrong.

pinkshoes

DarlingBuds wrote: »

fine, i'll take myself off as now i feel really hurt by some comments

DarlingBuds wrote: »

Being spontaneous, being excited when something great happens, going out together, making plans, sex, dealing with money, talking, going to different places, understanding.... he says 'it's not in him to be like this and he will never change'.

My OH is about as spontaneous as a frozen pea.

But I am spontaneous though!

Why don't you just organise things yourself, make stuff happen, organise nights out etc... Don't ask him if he wants to go out for dinner, TELL him he's going out for dinner, and organise a baby sitter!

My OH may not be all of the things above either, but he's kind, he would never hit me, he doesn't get jealous (BIG problem with my exes!), he treats me with respect, and best of all, he's a great dad to our son.

He also thinks I'm bossy, but then I've never heard him complain when I've organised stuff!

Could you be suffering from "grass is greener" syndrome?

FatVonD

Having children tends to put the kybosh on being spontaneous, it must be even more marked when both parents are still together so there are no weekends when the child/children are with the other parent.