Partner doesn't give me what i need, do i stay?

DarlingBuds

Been together 12 years, 9 yr old child, ok financially, both work full time. I told him last week that he doesn't give me what i'need' in the relationship and he agrees he can't but i told him that i stay because i do love him.
Is this enough of a reason to stay or will i regret it later on?

azzabazza

I think it depends on what you feel you 'need' that he can't give you.

DarlingBuds

Being spontaneous, being excited when something great happens, going out together, making plans, sex, dealing with money, talking, going to different places, understanding.... he says 'it's not in him to be like this and he will never change'.

System

Are you willing to compromise on the things you say you need?

Personally i dont think having a child/children is worth sacrificing the whole of your life for but thats me. Of course i dont mean you dont have to consider them but i think they need parents that are happy too.

balletshoes

DarlingBuds wrote: »

Being spontaneous, being excited when something great happens, going out together, making plans, sex, dealing with money, talking, going to different places, understanding.... he says 'it's not in him to be like this and he will never change'.

has he ever been like this in your relationship? Could you maybe compromise and accept some of what you "need" rather than that huge list of stuff? If thats the list you gave your husband, in his shoes I'd be completely overwhelmed.

Mojisola

DarlingBuds wrote: »

Being spontaneous, being excited when something great happens, going out together, making plans, sex, dealing with money, talking, going to different places, understanding.... he says 'it's not in him to be like this and he will never change'.

If he doesn't do any of those things, what does he do?

DylanO

DarlingBuds wrote: »

Being spontaneous, being excited when something great happens, going out together, making plans, sex, dealing with money, talking, going to different places, understanding.... he says 'it's not in him to be like this and he will never change'.

Has he ever given you these things?

DarlingBuds

in the beginning yes, but it's been like this for about 10 years. i didn't give him this 'list' but it's everything he no longer does.
it makes me unhappy at home and makes me what to run.
has anyone been able to live this way and succeed and not be resentful?

Mojisola

If he used to give you those things, then it isn't a case of "This is what I'm like and I can't change". If he knows how important these things are to you and he really cared, wouldn't you expect him to make an effort?

You could learn to live with him as he is now by building your own life separate from him but you could end up living like flatmates rather than partners.

DarlingBuds

Mojisola wrote: »

You could learn to live with him as he is now by building your own life separate from him but you could end up living like flatmates rather than partners.

That's the bit i'm really worried about, i already feel like i'm a flatmate but without the fun!
I'll probably stay forever anyway, but just worried about wasting my life ...

Mojisola

DarlingBuds wrote: »

I'll probably stay forever anyway, but just worried about wasting my life ...

Why?

It's not much of an example of a good life-time relationship to set for your child.