Think my husband has left me...

chonorla

"My son is my number one and everything I do I put him first in."

I don't post very often on these boards but had to comment.
Having grown up with an violent alcoholic father for 18 years (left home at 18 and have not seen him since - and yes he doted on me and my sister when sober...) I can only say you are most definitely not putting your son first and he is not your number one priority.

The effects of living with an alcoholic or/and violent father stay with you forever. Please think about that before you put your little boy through any more trauma.

Sparklebabey

caroline78 wrote: »

.

, or to feel like he was second best to alcohol

Yeah? Remember that this week when you have no cash for nappies or enough food for the baby.....all because poor Poppa needed a blow out (but that's okay as he always comes back....)

Jesus I am so angry at this thread......have you so little self worth that you think it's better to be with that waste of space than on your own? 7 years to have a kid and you are letting him live in this toxic household....words fail me.

And what is really winding me up is not the fact that the point of the thread is becasue you are angry your husband has dumped your sick son but because you are wondering how many days are to pass before you can say he has left you??? Lets be honest, it could be 1 day or 1 year and you would let him come back anyway....

Caroline_a

Some women are very afraid of being on their own, and often it's better the devil you know than the devil you don't. OP, we share the same name, but you need to know that you can survive without this man both financially and emotionally. I sort of feel that the 'love' you feel for this man is more tied up with your fear of being without anyone, rather than being with him.

On these boards you will hear many many women say how they have survived alone, and often done so much better without the men who have slowly destroyed their lives.

Doesn't your son deserve better? Most of us will fight tooth and nail for our children - now you need to be one of those.

Nan63

Lady, if you were my friend/neighbour/acquaintance I'd have the social services on your butt quicker than you could say caroline78. Protect your child, leave your loser of a husband and make a life for your son where he can grow up and respect you as a mother who put HIS needs first.

chirpychick

There are some harsh replies on here and perhaps you need to read them, I don't know if maybe it is something you need to hear.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family with a violent and alcoholic mother, im 27 now and guess what, she is still the same.
Lucky to still be alive to be honest.
I actually hate her for what she put me through growing up and now I am pregnant with my own child and she wont have any contact and neither will any of the rest of my family.
I appreciate your son was long awaited (it has taken us 5 years to get pregnant with this bub) and this baby for me is my no1 priority, nobody else, nobody else matters!
Mother or Husband - the fact is still the same, they are destructive and ruin lives and shouldn't be around young children.
You do need to move on from your husband and bring you son up properly, give him the life and the childhood he deserves, if you dont he will grow up not only to hate is dad, but resent his mum too. Surely you don't want that.
There is plenty of help out there for you, please, please take it.

And I honestly would also call social services if i was a friend or neighbour witnessing what you describe.

Cat501

Sparklebabey wrote: »

......have you so little self worth that you think it's better to be with that waste of space than on your own?.

Sounds like it doesn't it? In which case she needs URGENT help and support, not abuse.....

OP - I do think you need help to realise that you don't deserve this. But you already KNOW your little boy doesn't deserve it - he's very young now but he's already realising something isn't right - it will only get worse, much MUCH worse for him. How is he now anyway?

Are you close to your family? If so, you need them now, and not just to help financially. Get the money sorted, and contact Al-Anon as has been suggested - seeing your doctor wouldn't go amiss either, they may be able to point you in the direction of counselling.

Right now it's time to choose hun - him or your son? Sorry but that's the way it is. You CANNOT have both if you want your little lad to have any sort of a childhood

good luck - here's to a better future for both of you xxx

pearl123

It's no fun being a child of an alcoholic. Image what it like as a child to know that a parent loves a drink more than you.
Plus one remembers for the rest of ones life the dysfunctional lifestyle that alcohol brought about.
Your OH need to quit or if not - OP you should really consider the enviroment that your child is in!
Alcohol blighted my childhood and and it's effect is still felt decades later.

Sparklebabey

Cat501 wrote: »

Sounds like it doesn't it? In which case she needs URGENT help and support, not abuse.....

And I don't think she has received 'abuse' by anyone on here - myself included.

Yes there have been harsh words but they are a metaphorical banging of the head as the OP does not see any issue with the way she is living her life nor the way she/they are forcing the little boy to live his.

Counselling would be great for someone who can see that this is not right....but she has to be made aware of the dire situation. There are 2 posters already who have posted their story - am sure there are many more reading and nodding their head in agreement with the damage that is being inflicted.

I really really REALLY hope this lady gets the appropriate support for her and her son but that would entail her seeking it out....and reading (and re-reading many times) her posts she genuinly thinks this is okay as he only does this once in a while. Reading her past posts I think I can guess why she thinks she has to stay with him.....but hopefully she will do this for her son.

Like you, I wish her a better future.

Cat501

sparklebabey, I was using your quote as a relevant bit about self esteem, not accusing you personally

She's been yelled at (in internet terms) and called a bad, selfish mother. I really do see why people are saying it, I just don't think it's going to help her self esteem one bit Some harsh truths are necessary, I think there are more productive ways of going about it rather than making someone defensive

Could well be wrong though and maybe the head-banging WILL be more effective

caroline78

Just wanted to let everyone know I am still reading the replies, and will answer as soon as baby goes down for his nap. I know some of them sound harsh but I know the majority are not meant as nasty.