help!!13yr old daughter talking to strangers on internet

pimento

Get on the phone to the boy's mum (or dad) and sound them out.

thehappybutterfly

Penny-Pincher!! wrote: »

Could you not set up a bogus FB account? Get in contact with her and pretend to be a young lad and see whether she accepts you as a friend. Have a conversation with her, then show her its you.....just to prove that she could be literally talking to anyone.

Ooh, sneaky! What a good idea though. Although..... given what OP has said about her daughetr, I'd be worried about what she might find out. But it'd be better to know now and deal with it.

OP - I'm not for one minute casting aspersions on your DD, or suggesting that she's in anyway an unsavoury person - only that she seems a bit streetwise yet childish and quite possibly very easily led. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong

thehappybutterfly

Blue_Elephant wrote: »

I had her in tears a couple of times, but one thing she said that I paid no attention to at the time, but will live with me forever now, was "It's not you I don't trust". I still didn't get it. I cried and whinged (and didn't have a mobile phone anyway as folk didn't have them). I caught her a couple of times "listening in" on landline - landline calls to my friends. Again I saw this as control and manipulation. Now I see that perhaps slightly misguided, she was only trying to make sure I was talking to the people I said I was talking to.

Put you foot down. Yes it'll make you unpopular, but she will thank you in the end, I promise. It's even worse now than when I was a kid. It's hard to say to kids that you can't have this/that.the other as you don't need it, because it's normal to them! It's easy to see that it's not needed because we all grew up without them, but it'd be like saying to my generation as teens that you don't need a telly! I know that you don't, but my teenage self would have thought that was ridiculous!

And I agree with the commenter who said to make her watch last weeks casualty. It was chilling. And tell her what you're afraid of, you're not protecting her by keeping the nasty stuff from her. Tell her that rather than controlling her, you're making sure some choices are hers to make only when she wants to make them.

*hugs*

ETA sorry about the essay! :S

^^^^ this is what I was trying to say OP (the bit in bold).

Grumpygit

My dd also has a laptop and chats to her friends on skype and fb - she is 12.

I also have the rule that I know her passwords etc and I do go into them and check out what's been said.

We also set it up with our email addy and the notifications re messages come through to it.

We haven't had any cause for concern although she did add someone to skype who turned out to be a man (he had befriended quite a few of her friends as well) who then went on cam and was flashing at them - my dd was terrified and told me straight away so I went on skype and reported him.

Can you maybe get into her email account, then go on fb and change her password so you can change her email account on there (doesn't affect the sign on) and also change the notifications so that copies of the conversations come through to your account?

I know that she will change the password again, but you will have been able to change the settings to your own end.

Or....say she can use msn. You can record the conversation history (just maybe install it and set the history to record in a folder somewhere) and then see what's been said.

You definately need to speak with her though and say that you don't want to restrict her friends blah blah but you want her to be safe and does she understand what some people can be like on the net.

I have been reading some of your posts and my oh (her step dad) is a bit like yours and I am a bit like you - piggy in the middle....want to please everyone and want everyone to get along.

It's hard.......but you will get there

bonjovibel_729

have just tried to reason with her without shouting and shes still not having it have told her i dont mind her talkin to her friend but not their parents until she gets to know him better but she still not having it.............grrrrrr when did parenting become so hard

mrcow

Have you password protected your route yet?

thehappybutterfly

bonjovibel_729 wrote: »

have just tried to reason with her without shouting and shes still not having it have told her i dont mind her talkin to her friend but not their parents until she gets to know him better but she still not having it.............grrrrrr when did parenting become so hard

Hah! When she grew up and learned the art of backchat! Teenagers are just hard work.

thegirlintheattic

bonjovibel_729 wrote: »

thanks for all the advice everyone i thought i was going mad and i was the only one who thought this was strange and even dangerous behavious on the parents part if someones parent had asked me to not talk to their son or daughter then i wud respect that and not encourage the child to continue talking to me......my exes view is to let her carry on talking to them and if they do anythin inappropriate for my daughter to let someone know but surely the point is to stop anythin happening in the first place not wait and see if it does.....am dreading her coming home from her dads tonight as i know there will be arguments..she also has facebook on her phone as well as her tablet .....as i said if i delete her facebook i am in effect stopping her frm talkin to this boy she likes as well as he does not have a phone their only method of contact is facebook.....is sooooooooo hard....

Not having a phone (even a house phone) sends up a big red flag. Remove ALL internet access and put her on the CEOP website with you so she can see the danger she is putting herself in.

Install a keylogger onto her computer when she is at school, it will give you copies of all her convosations and the logins/passwords she uses. Password protect your router now and take away phone/tablet. Sure she will just use her friends phones but it makes it that big harder.

BitterAndTwisted

Eh, nearly every 12 year old child in the country has access to a telephone, even if it just a land-line, so please don't fall for that one.

For all she knows, she hasn't been talking to that boy she met, not even once.

If you haven't taken away the phone, the tablet and the laptop by now you are an ineffectual fool in thrall to a child. Or a troll

claire16c

In some ways Id be inclined to do the webcam - but with you there- just so you can see if it is his parents at the other end of the computer.