help!!13yr old daughter talking to strangers on internet

bonjovibel_729

was just lookin for some advice....week before last we went away for the week and my 13yr old daughter met a 12yr old lad two days before we left he lives around 4hrs away from us but she decided she liked him to added him to facebook which i had no problem with...

i know she has been ringing him and emailing him on facebook which i was ok with then i looked on her facebook page (the condition of her being allowed facebook was that i had her password and cud check in time to time to check she was not doin anythin she shudnt) anyway i looked at her messages and there was loads of messages on there from this boys parents asking her to go on the webcam with them....

i thought this was really strange as i have never talked to the bfs my kids have had on a webcam...am i the only one who thinks this is weird??

i sent a message to the parents asking them to stop contacting my daughter as while i did not have a problem with her talkin to their son i was not comfortable with her talkin to them on the webcam..maybe even when the son was not there..her reply to this was that she is old enough to decide for herself and that i shud back off and let her live her own life without me checking up on her...

i spoke to her dad about it yesterday (we are seperated) and he said he wud talk to her..he rang me back about half ten last night basically turning it all back on me and my husband saying she is scared of my husband(cos he wont put up with her backchat and general bad behaviours) and that i shud let her have her privacy and basically just let her get on with it as she is a teenager and thats what they do!!

i am just at a loss about what to do...went into her facebook yesterday and deleted the parents but she has added them again today and now changed the password so i cant get into it...have thought about deleting her facebook but i know she will just set up a new one...


aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh
any advice wud be appreciated thanks

Triker

Take the laptop away or the desktop, remove all access including mobile phone. Assert yourself as the parent in charge who will not have your decisions around internet safety undermined.

Perhaps ground your daughter so she understands the severity of the situation for a short period.

Bottom line is what her safety is paramount and contrary to popular teenage belief they don't know everything and we are not all boring and over cautious.

I speak from experience unfortunately....take a look here and maybe get your daughter to see.....http://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/ from the Child Exploitation and Online Protection organisation.

tesuhoha

I think you have to question the boy's parents motives for wanting your daughter to go on the web cam. It seems rather peculiar that they would put pressure on a 13 year old girl to chat to them especially when her mother disapproves.

*max*

Take away her computer. She is much too young to have conversations with complete strangers and you need to make her understand how incredibly dangerous it is. Furthermore, she has openly disobeyed and disrespected you. This is not acceptable and you need to lay down the law now.

Kimberley82

I think you are right to be worried.

I think you need to calm down and talk to your daughter like an adult not a child, and by that I mean talk to her openly and explain how you feel but also listen to what she has to say. I do not mean let her do what she wants.

She needs to know why you are worried, and that you are her mother and are in charge of her so she needs to follow your rules.

If she wont then the pc goes, the phones goes the whole lot

aliasojo

Triker wrote: »

Assert yourself as the parent in charge who will not have your decisions around internet safety undermined.

This.

But talk with her.

Privileges come with responsibility. If she wants internet access, she has to act in a responsible way. Part of being responsible means obeying the rules.

bigmomma051204

I dont think you are being unfair. Take the laptop away - she isnt an adult....you have given her freedom within boundaries and she has chosen to push those boundaries to a point which you are not happy with so the logical consequence of that is that she doesnt get the internet access until she toes the line! God knows why the parents are asking her to webcam with THEM?!?! Strange - when u messaged them, did you ask why - did they respond? Sorry if i have missed something xx

theoldcynic

Go with your instincts, this sounds really odd to me. I cannot imagine how 'parents' of a boyfriend requesting a little girl to go on a webcam when the boyfriend is not there is in anyway a normal request.

If they were sensible parents why would they continue to flout your request to stop contacting her? That doesn't sound normal to me and i'd be tempted to take that further and make a cursory call with the authorities.

If it was me i would take away the computer, that way she can't access Facebook at all in your home password or not! Or give her one without a webcam on it, then have a full and frank conversation about the dangers of the internet and how nothing really can be deleted and what she may think is fun now she may regret later on in time. She's not old enough to live her own life or to understand how permanent the internet can be or indeed how dangerous, that is why she is still classed as a minor. Facebook in fact state that you have to be 13 to have an account and there is good reason for that! https://www.facebook.com/help/?faq=210644045634222

It sounds like her father is using this as a way to complain about your current OH and maybe to score points with your daughter. I would be telling him this is a separate issue and you need to focus on the issue in hand and he can discuss the other issues he as about your current OH separately. He is confusing the issues and it means that this issue is getting unresolved. Perhaps he needs educating on the dangers of the internet too, honestly does he not read the news? You both need to have a united front on this, especially if she is spending time there.

Edit: Facebook also allow you to delete her account whilst she is still under 13...after that age they won't do very much... i'd get on to that straight away.

Edit again...just realised your daughter is 13 yikes not good... I hate Facebook for that very reason, IMO it's still too young

bunty109

She agreed you could have her password and she's gone against that so I think you're justified in removing all computer privileges until she blocks the parents and gives you her password. It won't stop her as I'm sure a friend has a smartphone she can borrow, but it will make things difficult for her. As for your ex: I suggest you find some info on Internet grooming and see if he's so keen to let her have her freedom.

thorsoak

You are the parent - she is the child. It is your responsibility to keep her safe - despite her attempts to tempt danger.

She's broken your rules - and as others have said, she should have all internet privileges removed until she appreciates the danger that she is putting herself into.

Google internet grooming - show her - and your ex what you find. It doesn't make for nice reading - but as she is insisting on growing up fast, you have to show her.

BitterAndTwisted

Your daughter needs to be made aware that people are not who or what they claim they are just because they said so. I don't think for a moment that she's been communicating with the lad's parents, very possibly his chums or someone else entirely.

If she doesn't understand just how dangerous the internet can be, she needs to be enlightened. It's very difficult to make the decision about who can be trusted when you're young and innocent and have never had a reason in the past to by sceptical or cynical.

In the meantime I would withdraw all internet privileges unless I was sitting next to her at the computer. She's openly defied you and that's all the reason you need to justify your decision