help!!13yr old daughter talking to strangers on internet

bonjovibel_729

thanks for all the advice everyone i thought i was going mad and i was the only one who thought this was strange and even dangerous behavious on the parents part if someones parent had asked me to not talk to their son or daughter then i wud respect that and not encourage the child to continue talking to me......my exes view is to let her carry on talking to them and if they do anythin inappropriate for my daughter to let someone know but surely the point is to stop anythin happening in the first place not wait and see if it does.....am dreading her coming home from her dads tonight as i know there will be arguments..she also has facebook on her phone as well as her tablet .....as i said if i delete her facebook i am in effect stopping her frm talkin to this boy she likes as well as he does not have a phone their only method of contact is facebook.....is sooooooooo hard....

FATBALLZ

Agree with #8, take away her means to access facebook and report the parents of the boy to the police, it is very very odd for adult parents to be trying to webcam with a 13 year old girl they've never even met. They might just be a bit simple and very misguided but if it was my daughter I wouldn't take the chance. Or as per post #11 it may be they are not who they say they are.

nickj_2

i would restrict her friends to people she actually knows from school etc , not anyone who just wants to be her friends that she doesn't have a clue who they are . if she can't agree to this then i would block facebook and all injternet access apart from what she needs for schoolwork ,

DuckEggGingham

I would take away all means to access the internet. I have a young teen son and the rules are that I have passwords to everything and I regularly check everything, including his emails etc. Do you have access to her email account? You could reset the password that way whilst she has no access to the internet.

She has to earn your trust over this. It is a big deal and her safety comes first, her wails and woes about no net access do not compare. You need to be able to trust her and her changing her password on you proves that you cannot right now.

I wish you luck! Teens are an experience that's for sure!

PasturesNew

bonjovibel_729 wrote: »

....loads of messages on there from this boys parents asking her to go on the webcam with them....

i thought this was really strange as i have never talked to the bfs my kids have had on a webcam...am i the only one who thinks this is weird??

Child sexual abuse doesn't usually start without a history - and that's often learned behaviour from parents/uncles/etc. Generation after generation. It would therefore follow that the 12 year old's parents are of the dodgy sort and using their son to gain access to gullible girls.

Many of these "shock, horror, 12/13 year old girl pregnant....." will turn out to be family members.

Triker

bonjovibel_729 wrote: »

thanks for all the advice everyone i thought i was going mad and i was the only one who thought this was strange and even dangerous behavious on the parents part if someones parent had asked me to not talk to their son or daughter then i wud respect that and not encourage the child to continue talking to me......my exes view is to let her carry on talking to them and if they do anythin inappropriate for my daughter to let someone know but surely the point is to stop anythin happening in the first place not wait and see if it does.....am dreading her coming home from her dads tonight as i know there will be arguments..she also has facebook on her phone as well as her tablet .....as i said if i delete her facebook i am in effect stopping her frm talkin to this boy she likes as well as he does not have a phone their only method of contact is facebook.....is sooooooooo hard....

Not really, there's an old traditional method of communication, slower I admit but it does the job.;)

Pen, paper, envelope, stamp. Or indeed the house phone to house phone.

bonjovibel_729

i think the thing with my ex is he doesnt see half the things she gets up to as he only sees them every other weekend....when she is dwn there she is the model child but when she comes back home she is the devils child lol...she regularly "forgets" to charge her mobile when she is out which causes me to confiscate it from her it also leads to lots of arguments with my current oh as he will not stand for her dicsrespecting me.......i think she has deflected the attention from the problem in hand to my oh as she threatened me if i told her dad wat was going on she wud make up some stuff about my oh cos she knows my oh and my ex dont get along.....my ex basically said my oh was bordering on abuse as he shouts at her and puts her back in line when she does something she shoudlnt or backchats as she constantly does these days......

feel like im between a rock and a hard place as i have my oh in one corner my daughter in another and my ex in another....i am also struggling with supporting my mum at the mo as she has been diagnosed with a terminal illness...just feel like running away and letting them sort it out between themselves grrrrrr

bonjovibel_729

Triker wrote: »

Not really, there's an old traditional method of communication, slower I admit but it does the job.;)

Pen, paper, envelope, stamp. Or indeed the house phone to house phone.

lol d u know what it didnt even cross my mind they cud send letters lol

BitterAndTwisted

Darling, it isn't hard. Really it isn't. Arguments can be a useful device for clearing the air and getting to see someone else's point of view if neither lose your rags. The one person in the world I would not be afraid of getting into a row with would be a thirteen year old child. Most especially one's own: this is an argument that she cannot possible win. Not in your house any way, despite the lack of support from the other parent.

It's all very well and good chatting to a kid's parents, although one would want to argue about whether that is strictly necessary or desirable when your daughter has never met them, but it is quite another to be doing any webcamming with total strangers. Ask your daughter to explain to you in words of one syllable why it is appropriate to be doing anything on a webcam with adults. Adults whose identity you have to take on trust.

Also, why on earth would a thirteen your old be trusted with internet access on her phone as well as having a tablet? That's just asking for trouble.

DuckEggGingham

bonjovibel_729 wrote: »

i think the thing with my ex is he doesnt see half the things she gets up to as he only sees them every other weekend....when she is dwn there she is the model child but when she comes back home she is the devils child lol...she regularly "forgets" to charge her mobile when she is out which causes me to confiscate it from her it also leads to lots of arguments with my current oh as he will not stand for her dicsrespecting me.......i think she has deflected the attention from the problem in hand to my oh as she threatened me if i told her dad wat was going on she wud make up some stuff about my oh cos she knows my oh and my ex dont get along.....my ex basically said my oh was bordering on abuse as he shouts at her and puts her back in line when she does something she shoudlnt or backchats as she constantly does these days......

feel like im between a rock and a hard place as i have my oh in one corner my daughter in another and my ex in another....i am also struggling with supporting my mum at the mo as she has been diagnosed with a terminal illness...just feel like running away and letting them sort it out between themselves grrrrrr

This is really simple.

Stop ALL means of access to the internet until you are able to trust her following your rules in keeping safe. She has shown you that she is irresponsible and does not give two hoots for her safety and that you have a cat in hells chance of trusting her. She has shown you this. The changing of the password is a BIG deal in my eyes. Its two fingers up to you and you trying to keep her safe.

You have a chance to make a stand on this one and if handled right ( easier said then done with teens I know lol) she may learn never to be in this siltation again.

To be honest, for me its even simpler because it would not bother me that she had no "modern" way of talking to this boy without facebook because to be frank ( and this may sound harsh) I would be so upset at the requests from his parents that her not talking to him would be a GOOD thing! I would in no way encourage their friendship. I would then maybe think what I could do behind the scenes to make sure he is living in a safe family environment.