help!!13yr old daughter talking to strangers on internet

theoldcynic

It sounds like you and her father have opposing views on aspects of parenthood. It also sounds like that both your child and her father could be capitalising on that to score points, with you, and no doubt with each other. Your daughter or her father may well be manipulating the situation totally to their advantage, and it appears the only person acting like a grown up in all of this is yourself.

I wonder if there is a reluctance from you to approach this yourself so you are not always seen as the bad guy, or because there is a fear she may choose to live with her father if you are seen to be too harsh? I don't know i'm only speculating.

From now on I would leave your current OH out of these discussions for the time being to stop her father from deflecting from the real issues and have a real heart to heart with her father about how you both raise your daughter. It is inappropriate for him to undermine you in this way in your OWN HOME, by furnishing her with other laptops to use in YOUR HOME.

Does your OH have an email address?

If so i'd send him the following...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-south-scotland-18190200

http://www.thisisderbyshire.co.uk/Internet-pervert-lured-13-year-old-Derby-girl-sex/story-15374140-detail/story.html

http://www.falmouthpacket.co.uk/news/9694156.Redruth_man_groomed_14_year_old_online/

http://www.thisisbristol.co.uk/MSN-MONSTER/story-15197998-detail/story.html

http://www.gmp.police.uk/live/mainsite.nsf/0/879A8A5AB7A5CD5280257953004366C4?OpenDocument

These are all teenage girls, they are not immune!

These are not isolated cases, you have a reason to be wary...seriously he needs to put his personal issues aside and take his head out of the sand...

Maybe give this site a read too...from the Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre.

http://www.ceop.police.uk/

In the meantime can you disable the internet on the phone with YOUR provider? Or give her a phone where there is no capability of access on it?

It doesn't matter what her daddy says YOU can or cannot do in your own home with your daughter, when she is with you it's YOUR rules.

faerie~spangles

You have to love the invincibility and naivete of thirteen year old girls. NOT.

OP go with you instincts, much better in this instance to be proved wrong than allow your daughter to be put into danger.

Personally I would c&p the communication between you and the mother and pass it on to FB. They can check her account and see if she has been making similar requests of children.

As for her trying to stir up trouble between her dad and stepdad well that's an can of worms whereby she will be the loser. Not that she's mature enough to realise that yet.

Daddy bountiful obviously hasn't got a clue as to the danger your girl may be exposing herself too. He wants to be seen as 'The Good Guy', and of course when it all goes t!ts up he can blame you and hubby.

Re' the laptop from daddy, I would open it up and remove the processor. forget faffing about with the router, disable the laptop. I'd also call the mobile service provider and reduce her package to the bare minimum and password protect that account.

Lastly I'd contact the police and voice your concerns.

Rev

In your OP you stated she was allowed a facebook as long as you had the password, she changed the password and has thus broken the agreement.

But most importantly, this is entirely inappropriate behaviour on this boys parents behalf and her father needs a good shake if he thinks other wise. He sounds like a right idiot to be honest.

Take her internet access away, tell her you're having it cut off, change the router password, unplug the router and give it to a friend to keep. Anything just act now and stop her being in contact with these people.

Question is, do you want to put up with the nagging etc and crap from her and whoever else is nagging, or do you want to deal what whatever could happen were you to sit back and Let it continue?

And if it were me, quite frankly I'd tell her father he can shove it until he decides to be a father.

Errata

Others have given sensible suggestions about limiting internet access. Personally, I would be very worried indeed if a child of mine behaved in the nasty, spiteful and dangerous way you mention .....

bonjovibel_729 wrote: »

i think she has deflected the attention from the problem in hand to my oh as she threatened me if i told her dad wat was going on she wud make up some stuff about my oh cos she knows my oh and my ex dont get along.....

tyllwyd

It is going to be very difficult to keep a determined teenager away from the internet. And if you keep blocking these people, if they have got bad intentions they could easily just create new accounts and contact her again. I think I'd approach it from the opposite direction and try to make sure she is very aware of what could potentially happen. Tell her that nothing she does/says on the internet, on email etc is private. If she allows pictures of herself doing anything sexual to be sent to anyone else, they could end up anywhere in the world with anybody looking at them. But even if she has done something that she's ashamed of, she can still come and tell you, you won't be angry and you'll help her sort it out. If these people have got bad intentions, they might try to persaude her to do something inappropriate, then try to use that to blackmail her, so she needs to know that you'll support her even if she's made a mistake.

thorsoak

Ich wrote: »

I don't disagree that the request sounds odd and that her behaviour and that of the ex-husband is totally wrong. Change the router password so she cannot access the internet apart from your machine and password protect that!

Looking at it slightly laterally though, were the boys parents trying to protect him from anything untoward by wanting to ensure the person talking to their son was in fact a 13 yr old girl and not something else? This is why they might have reacted in a strange manner that the request was refused so may be thinking the worse themselves. Worth thinking about!

Do we know for certain that the "boy's parents" are the parents? Do we know for certain that she is facebooking a 12-year old boy? It would not surprise me to find out that boy/parents turn out to be a 25 year old spotty p**do posting from his scummy bedroom - or even worse - a 50 year old ditto

Padstow

When you were on holiday, did you not meet the parents of your daughter's friend?
I would have thought the meeting of two children would be a good chance to meet other adults.
I can't quite imagine it. Your child was socialising with a boy, did you meet him, or just not his parents or neither.

Surely the boy came round to yours, whether you were camping or he came to call for her to have a swim in the pool of the luxury hotel.

I remember the same scenario when my girl palled up with a boy, just as friends , but we saw the parents all the time during the holiday.

thehappybutterfly

OP, you said that you used to have access to your daughter's FB account (ruddy FB - can't stand it!) - what were the conversations between your daughter and this boy like? Were they innocent enough or were you unhappy about where some of the chat was going?

tyllwyd

I was just thinking a bit more about it - it (hopefully) is OTT but if you are unhappy about the people your DD is talking to, do you think it might be worth contacting the school? If she has accepted them as a friend, that will give them wider access to her circle of friends on Facebook - if things are not as they should be, they might be a threat to other kids whose parents aren't aware there is a problem.

bonjovibel_729

Padstow wrote: »

When you were on holiday, did you not meet the parents of your daughter's friend?
I would have thought the meeting of two children would be a good chance to meet other adults.
I can't quite imagine it. Your child was socialising with a boy, did you meet him, or just not his parents or neither.

Surely the boy came round to yours, whether you were camping or he came to call for her to have a swim in the pool of the luxury hotel.

I remember the same scenario when my girl palled up with a boy, just as friends , but we saw the parents all the time during the holiday.

hi yes i did see them in passin but she only met him like the day before we were due to leave yes we saw the boy when she met up with him but his parents were not there