Allowance for clothes

Cat501

Molly41 wrote: »

I am also aghast at all the negative responses. I also let my kids choose what they wanted to wear from an early age, also their hair styles and whether they had their ears pierced or not. My kids have their own individual style of dressing now they are older which I love to see. Why would you not encourage someone to express their individuality? I agree that the sexualisation of children via their clothes is an issue that every parent has to keep a firm eye on but not at the expense of stamping out the individual.

That pretty much sums up my feelings on the subject - of course they sometimes had stuff bought for them but really I can't remember a time when my kids didn't have a LOT of input in what they wore. By 11 my younger DD was a total goth unlike most of her peers at that age, and I loved it!

Kimberley82

my 8 year old loves clothes too, she loves putting together outfits etc.

I see no harm in it, both her and my son are alowed to choose what they wear. Do the rest of you put out clothes every day for your 8 year olds?

I have always encouraged them to be independant, I think its very important.

poet123

Cat501 wrote: »

That pretty much sums up my feelings on the subject - of course they sometimes had stuff bought for them but really I can't remember a time when my kids didn't have a LOT of input in what they wore. By 11 my younger DD was a total goth unlike most of her peers at that age, and I loved it!

Really? without being judgmental here I would have been horrified. I think 16/17 is early enough to be dressing in such an extreme and different way. The transition to Secondary school is hard enough without being so different from your peers. I think, and I hope I do not offend here (I fear I will!) that is is an example of allowing very young children a major input into how they dress, by the time they reach the age where their input is expected they have already experimented and may then feel the need to go to extremes. What follows? tattoos at 13? With the parent pretending they are older to get around the laws?

tesuhoha

I had a boy and a girl. My son I always used to buy and choose his clothes simply because he was not interested at all and would make everyone elses life on the shopping trip a misery with his agitated boredom. He liked to wear shorts or jeans and t shirts. The way he is now at 23 is that he likes to look nice, wears fashionable clothes but he likes cheap shops like H&M and very rarely wants to go clothes shopping. He mainly relies on clothes bought as presents at Christmas and birthdays.

My daughter on the other hand always wanted to come clothes shopping from an early age. We used to agree on shoes/clothes together and still do. I don't go clothes shopping with her very often but find we often pick out the same choice of outfit for her. At 25 she spends a fair bit on clothes but does not go mad. She does like an excuse to go clothes shopping.

She didn't have an allowance but we would from time to time go on a shopping trip to 'kit her out'. This was often from quite cheap shops. We used to like Adams, British Home Stores and C&A. I used to go out and 'kit my son out' each summer and winter season as he used to grow out of his clothes so quickly (is 6'1). They also needed new shoes each season and I must admit I used to always buy them Clarks shoes and had their feet specially measured. Its a bit different now, my son only has one pair of trainers which are worn out and he won't buy another pair until they fall apart!

They both had the option to choose their own clothes within reason but there wasn't the money to buy anything outrageous that would not be worn and they knew that. For that reason it never became a big deal.


Just thought I would give some perspective on how their clothes shopping habits develop when they are older.

Kimberley82

poet123 wrote: »

Really? without being judgmental here I would have been horrified. I think 16/17 is early enough to be dressing in such an extreme and different way. The transition to Secondary school is hard enough without being so different from your peers. I think, and I hope I do not offend here (I fear I will!) that is is an example of allowing very young children a major input into how they dress, by the time they reach the age where their input is expected they have already experimented and may then feel the need to go to extremes. What follows? tattoos at 13? With the parent pretending they are older to get around the laws?

why is dressing as a goth such a bad thing? I think a child being comfortable enough to dress how they want regardless of peer pressure is a great thing.

Also there is a huge jump from choosing clothes to tattooing as im sure you well know

poet123

Kimberley82 wrote: »

why is dressing as a goth such a bad thing? I think a child being comfortable enough to dress how they want regardless of peer pressure is a great thing.

Also there is a huge jump from choosing clothes to tattooing as im sure you well know

I think the operative word here is child. Where do you draw the line? So, dressing as a Goth is OK at 11, is dressing provocatively also ok? All clothes send out messages, my take is that children should look like children and not be allowed to dress in a manner that means people make assumptions about them from the off.

Yes, in an ideal world we should all be able to wear what we like, but we both know that is not the case.

And, no I don't think that tattoos are such a huge jump from extremes of dress. They are both forms of expression.

Kimberley82

poet123 wrote: »

I think the operative word here is child. Where do you draw the line? So, dressing as a Goth is OK at 11, is dressing provocatively also ok? All clothes send out messages, my take is that children should look like children and not be allowed to dress in a manner that means people make assumptions about them from the off.

Yes, in an ideal world we should all be able to wear what we like, but we both know that is not the case.

And, no I don't think that tattoos are such a huge jump from extremes of dress. They are both forms of expression.

tattoos are permanent so its a huge jump.

I dont let my daughter or son wear things that do now cover them properly (underwear on display etc) I think being provocative is not ok in a child, but they should be given room to try things, learn what they like, what they dont etc, its part of learning who you are.

aliasojo

Kimberley82 wrote: »

why is dressing as a goth such a bad thing?

I think it's more the fact that a young child is given the freedom to make such extreme choices at a fairly early age, rather than the actual goth thing itself?

I'm all for encouraging individuality and independence but I do believe it has to be done in stages. I think some kids do seem to be given too much freedom of choice too soon.

Only imo though. We all have to parent as we see fit.:)


I think I should probably count myself lucky that my daughter's only real clothing quirk means she chooses to wear odd coloured socks. (Same socks just a different colour on each foot.) I bite my tongue and console myself with the thought things could be so much worse.

milliebear00001

Kimberley82 wrote: »

my 8 year old loves clothes too, she loves putting together outfits etc.

I see no harm in it, both her and my son are alowed to choose what they wear. Do the rest of you put out clothes every day for your 8 year olds?

I have always encouraged them to be independant, I think its very important.

I don't put my kids' clothes out for them at all, but they also have very lttel consideration for what they wear. My daughter is the same age as the OP's and couldn't care less what she pulls out of her wardrobe - whatever is first is what goes on. Sometimes this is an issue, when I am trying to get her to look smarter for an 'occasiona' and she won't even brush her hair!

I am not saying it's better to be like my daughter, but I am pleased that at the moment, she sees appearance (hers and other peoples) as entirely incidental to who they are. I suppose I'd be worried that 'caring about what clothes looks like' might go hand in hand with not wanting to get dirty or muddy or sweaty...and that this might impact on how a child spent its time. I don't know if that's the case for all those clothes-conscious kids out there though!

Kimberley82

milliebear00001 wrote: »

I don't put my kids' clothes out for them at all, but they also have very lttel consideration for what they wear. My daughter is the same age as the OP's and couldn't care less what she pulls out of her wardrobe - whatever is first is what goes on. Sometimes this is an issue, when I am trying to get her to look smarter for an 'occasiona' and she won't even brush her hair!

I am not saying it's better to be like my daughter, but I am pleased that at the moment, she sees appearance (hers and other peoples) as entirely incidental to who they are. I suppose I'd be worried that 'caring about what clothes looks like' might go hand in hand with not wanting to get dirty or muddy or sweaty...and that this might impact on how a child spent its time. I don't know if that's the case for all those clothes-conscious kids out there though!

my daughter has cared about clothes since she was about 3, she still gets dirty, rides bikes etc.