My own home (and maybe business) before I'm 30 - Ghostmadlittlemiss' DFW diary

ghostmadlittlemiss

Hi,

Well, I'm back in Bath again now. It's been an eventful first day back, I've set up a new bank account which I'm calling my Kayleigh's Nice Things account and I'm going to only use for treats for myself, nothing else will come out of there. I'm planning to transfer my DVD rentals so that they come out of that account in future as that's a treat as well so it only seems right to keep it all in one place. I've also got an appointment on Thurs to set up another new account for my catalogues so I can keep those separate from my current account as well. I want that account just for rent and bills from now on.

I'm really determined that 2013 will be THE year for me when it comes to paying off debts. I want to be debt free apart from my overdraft by this time next year. I'm in a very fortunate position in that my income is very easy to up what with the new marketing rota they were planning to start just before I went off sick (providing they're still doing it, of course) and my Wikaniko business. So I can make extra money to throw at my debts instead of just cutting back. Not to say that I won't do that as well.

I'm hoping to update my total in the next few days as it's somewhat changed a little. It's quite difficult for me to admit when I've gone wrong though so updating the total with not so great new figures is going to be quite difficult for me. I know it's important to do though so I will aim to get it done as soon as I can.
Kayleigh

ghostmadlittlemiss

Hi,

Well, my life being what it is, things went t*ts up a few days after posting my last message. I lasted a grand total of two days back at work before the panic attacks started again. So I'm off sick again atm. What with all the change of routine around Xmas and New Year, I ended up missing a few days worth of anti-depressants, which I'm pretty sure had an effect on how panicky I was. I'm back taking them regularly now so I'm just waiting for them to start working again properly. I'm not really sure where I stand financially atm, I'm just concentrating on my health mainly and on taking things one step at a time.
Kayleigh

ghostmadlittlemiss

Hi,

Not much to report really, I'm just taking things one day at a time. The landlord's bringing up a new fridge tomorrow as the last one's started leaking. At least we think it's the fridge, we can't seem to find where the water's coming from but most of it is around and under the fridge so we guessed that must be what's causing it. Hopefully, we're right, it'll be nice to have a dry kitchen again.

The tablets don't seem to be working very well any more. I've been back on them long enough that I really should be seeing some improvement by now but I keep having about as many bad days as good lately. Plus, my temper's been horrible lately, I keep snapping at my boyfriend all the time and I don't want to. It feels a bit like I'm recovering from the flu, I'm tired even after a full night's sleep and I feel like there's a heavy blanket over me but not in a nice way, in a pushing down on me sort of way. I just want to lie very still until it all passes but it never does. It's an odd feeling, depression. It makes it difficult to do anything at all.

I've been slowly clearing out my room for the last few weeks. I've managed to take a bag to the charity shop about once a week, sometimes once every two weeks. It doesn't look like I've made much progress though, I own so much stuff. I have boxes piled all over my room of stuff that I've moved from flat to flat, some of the things in them haven't been out of the boxes for years. I've been slowly going through them but everything takes such a long time when you're constantly fighting through such a low mood to get anything done and whatever you do get done just never feels like it's enough. I know I said that I wanted to keep this diary positive but I realised that I've never really talked to anyone about the effect that depression has on my life and I wanted to get it out.

Oh, thinking about it, there is one important thing that I haven't mentioned. I'm in the process of applying for DLA for the depression and also because I have an autistic spectrum disorder (don't know if I ever mentioned that, probably not) so the extra money from that should really help. I know it's difficult to get benefits like that but I've had a lady from Mind who helped my boyfriend with some forms last year look over my answers to the questions on the form and she said they were very detailed and covered everything that she could think of. So I'm in the process of filling in the form and hunting for a report done years ago about my autism and waiting for a call back off the doctor's about a certifying letter (that they've lost the letter requesting one once already :mad:). Here's hoping I get it quickly. The extra money would be a Godsend right now.
Kayleigh

ghostmadlittlemiss

Hi,

It wasn't the fridge, it was the boiler. A little box at the bottom that stops limescale building up inside the boiler (has a proper name but I don't know it) had sprung a leak. It's fixed now, as is the bathroom light which went the other night. Also, we're getting a new bathroom fan tomorrow as the one we've got is useless and we've got mould on the ceiling because the bathroom stays wet after we shower. So it's all go at this end!

The DLA form's coming along, slowly. The doctor's still haven't rung me back yet, I'll give them until Fri then I'll ring them and see what's going on. I still haven't found the report yet but I think I know where it is and I'm going through the paperwork in that area so I should find it soon. I'm still having good days and bad days but I seem to be making slow progress with things. I just wish I could make progress a bit quicker, that's all.
Kayleigh

ghostmadlittlemiss

Hi,

I don't know if anyone's even reading this diary any more. I doubt they are but I still feel I'm getting some benefit from updating it now and then so I'll keep doing so.

I got a Wikaniko order! :j I didn't think I'd get any orders on my last catalogue drop as I only managed to get about 25 catalogues out but someone ordered. So I'm just waiting for some money to come through (should be two weeks, tops) and then I'll order those products and some more catalogues as I'm running really low now.

I feel like I'm finally getting somewhere with Wikaniko. I worry about being too optimistic on this diary as things tend to go wrong for me a lot but I'm hoping that if things keep going well with the catalogues, I'll be able to do some advertising for people to be in my team in the next few months. Maybe I can even get my life back on track again.
Kayleigh