Friend Overstepping the Line... Thoughts?

givemeavoice

I have known my best friend for about 20 years, since we were at infant school together. I thought we'd always be close but I never anticipated she'd do something so... odd!

My little boy is 3 now, she was very supportive of the pregnancy and even called him her nephew... a month after he was born her mum died of cancer which totally devastated her of course. As we lived quite a distance away and neither of us drove at the time, I was busy with my little boy, I rang her regularly and supported her as much as I could but gradually we lost touch. I haven't seen her for 2 years now, we very occaisionally send catch-up messages on facebook. I send birthday cards, xmas cards etc but never get any back...

However, a little while ago she tagged me in a photo on facebook, I clicked on the notification and was totally shocked to see a picture of her leg with a large new tattoo which is of my son's name and date of birth.....

I'm just disappointed and angry that she didn't think to mention this to me or consider that it may be somewhat innappropriate.... My OH is furious with her, and I know if I was to see her in the future that he wouldn't be able to stop himself from saying something to her.

Any thoughts would be gratefully received, I would ask if anyone had been in a similar situation but I'm thinking that's unlikely!! ... Many thanks

choccielover

Gosh.....thats a bit special isnt it!

Erm...well I am not a lover of tattoos anyway but it is a little odd to have someone elses childs info tattoed on you to say the least. When you say big, do you mean calf to ankle or something or around the ankle.

I find it odd she has never mentioned this to you. Do you think its a new thing or perhaps she had it dobe when he was first born. Not that it makes it better but obviously she was a little closer to you then perhaps.

I am not sure what I would say. If I am honest, if my BF did something like that I would laugh hysterically and ask her what on earth she was thinking...

At the end of the day, she has to live with this and answer the future questions of who this child is when people ask and tell them its the child of a friend, but they arent close so she no longer sees him.

How thoroughly odd..

Choccie

January20

Well, I wasn't expecting that! No advice but imo yes it is very weird! Personally, I find it a bit scary, and I would want to stop all contact with this person. I'm not saying you should do this, only what I would feel compelled to do.

Is she emotionally well balanced?

Jo84_2

Hi givemeavoice, unfortunately I've never been in this situation but I don't blame your OH for being furious. I would be too!! That's very odd behaviour!

Are you sure it is a real tattoo and not a henna one? Have you spoken to your 'friend' since this picture appeared?

TBH, as you've not seen or spoken much over the last couple of years I would message her immediately and ask her what was her reasoning behind getting the tattoo.

There may be a reasonable explanation, she may have found out she can't have children herself and as she called herself 'aunty' may have felt this was the closest she would be to having children. It could have been a drunken mistake??? A dare??? Goodness knows what she was thinking.

You have to confront her though, if you don't want it to come across that you have a problem with it, explain that your OH isn't happy about it and wants to know why she had it done.

Sorry it's not much help. Hope you get to the bottom of it.

JoJo

martinthebandit

Unusual story, but the usual advice.

If a friend does something to annoy you then chat to them, in a reasonable and friendly way, about it.

Simples really

Wickedkitten

I'm just disappointed and angry that she didn't think to mention this to me or consider that it may be somewhat innappropriate.... My OH is furious with her, and I know if I was to see her in the future that he wouldn't be able to stop himself from saying something to her.

This is your best mate of 20 years who sees your son as her nephew. Why don't you pick up the phone and ask her about it?

tea_lover

That is so weird! Have you spoken to her since she put the photo on facebook?

lika_86

Why not just message her and say you're surprised she didn't tell you she was doing it and ask her why.

Given that it's her body though, not sure why you're angry, confused I could understand but isn't angry a step too far? She hasn't hurt you in any way, just been a bit odd.

tea_lover

lika_86 wrote: »

Given that it's her body though, not sure why you're angry, confused I could understand but isn't angry a step too far? She hasn't hurt you in any way, just been a bit odd.

I'd be livid. It may not be rational, and like you say, it's the friend's body but even so... I'd be very angry about that.

BJV

TBH I don't think that anyone will have been in this situation. Sounds a bit strange and so out of character.

It could be a wind up, it could be a joke, it could be real. But either way your need to talk to her, ask her what and why and explain your feelings. Clear the air and explain your feelings, otherwise you will be losing a life long friend for what could be a miss-understanding.

Grief can last a long time and affect people in many weird and wonderful ways and as Jo84 said it have been for many reasons. But you need to clear the air asap.

Either way I do understand your feelings I really don't know how I would feel if someone did that with one of my children. I really don't think I would have been as diplomatic as you.

givemeavoice

Special indeed! Scary... pretty much!

Yes am certain it's real, she has quite a lot of tattoos, and a few of other peoples names. Which I suppose is odd but ultimately, they're names of adults, close friends, blood family etc... if they had an issue then they can take it up with her (she has one of my name, which she got when we were very close and eventhough I found it odd, I decided to overlook!)

It's on the back of her calf and is roughly the size of the palm of my hand...

When I saw it in shock I just posted a reply saying "Wow." As in "Wow, I'm completely dumbfounded!!" She replied something along the lines of "Suprise! Got this yesterday!" So yes, am sure it is recent.

I don't know. She isn't a maternal type but if she was to ever have her own children... What on earth would they think? I wouldn't say she's the most balanced of people, but is usually harmless. It sort of upsets me that she thought it appropriate to spend around £100 on a tattoo of that size and detail than use a bit of it on a train fare to come see me and my son, which would have meant more than a tacky tattoo... But now obviously, I'm not sure I want to see her!!

Thank you for your helpful replies xxx