Taken to court by grandparent - advice please

mummyroysof3

personally i think it says alot about the woman if she would go straight to the courts rather than contact her daughter by letter for example and try to at least mend their relationship first.

looby75

My sister was in a similar situation 5 years ago, but with her ex partners mother. Her son hit my nephew leaving some very bad bruises and sis stopped contact. His mum went to court to ask for access, the court said she had no legal right to a contact order and she had to apply for permission to apply for an order (clear as mud right lol) . At the first court date the judge asked my sister if she would consider supervised contact, as her only objection to her son seeing his gran was that she was worried she would let her son (nephews dad) have contact with him.

Sis agreed to this and it was all wrapped up quickly but if sis had said no, her solicitor said it was highly unlikely access would have been granted.

Basically as I understand it Grandparents have a massive burden of proof to show why it would be beneficial for the child for them to have access just to get permission to apply for that access. From what you have posted I can't see how your mother would be able to prove this.

Good luck with the new baby, I hope this doesn't cause you too much extra stress.

BitterAndTwisted

In most cases I believe that "mother knows best" where her own children are concerned, and definitely not granny or anyone else in the family for that matter. A woman who has decided to have no contact with her own mother probably has good reason. Hell, she could have no reason at all and I'd think it was fair enough. The OP has explained why she doesn't want her mother in contact with her children and as far as I'm concerned that's that. I wouldn't want some drunken old bag with a short temper and a history of domestic violence around my kids either. Hell would have to freeze over first.

euronorris

peachyprice wrote: »

You're just going to ignore what OP put about her parents being awful then?

I'm sure my BIL would tell you all sorts of similar stuff about his mother, brother and I, if asked right now. None of it would be true. In fact, he'd likely pick things that he's done and claim that we did them.

I am not saying that this is true of the OP, just that it is a possibility. We weren't there, so we can't say for sure.

I am surprised that so many people give such little value to the grandparents rights. I am sure that there are some truly awful ones out there, but I am also sure that there are some who are lovely, but are still being denied access (for whatever reason).

Would you be so quick to dismiss their rights, if you found in the future, that your own child - who has a drug/alcohol problem and lives in absolute filth, rarely pays rent (so in danger of becoming homeless) etc - had a child and then denied you access to them?

That happens too folks.

euronorris

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

personally i think it says alot about the woman if she would go straight to the courts rather than contact her daughter by letter for example and try to at least mend their relationship first.

Maybe she did. The OP hasn't said either way.

lovemystudentloan

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

personally i think it says alot about the woman if she would go straight to the courts rather than contact her daughter by letter for example and try to at least mend their relationship first.

Well said Mummy, can you use this in court OP? The fact that she didn't try polite small talk first does make her seem a nasty person even without reading the details of your second post. Good luck.

euronorris

rpc wrote: »

I have no doubt that there are two sides to this story, but that doesn't matter to me. This should not be a matter for the courts. What next? Aunties and uncles? They are the same distance from the child as the grandparents. Then cousins?

In certain cases - hell yeah! Aunts and Uncles can be have a massively positive influence on their neices and nephews.

Of course, some won't, but I don't see why they should be excluded just because 2 siblings don't get along. Of course, if there are more serious issues at play (violence, substance abuse, mental abuse etc), then that right would be denied to them.

Person_one

Welshwoofs wrote: »

As I said, unless there is fear that the child could be harmed through such access, I'm firmly of the belief that no matter what your differences are with your parent you should give them a chance to have a relationship with their own grandchildren.

There are different interpretations of 'harm'.

A grandparent that will cause emotional harm, upset the child, run down the mother etc. is of no benefit to anybody. Trust me, I have one!

BitterAndTwisted

Euronorris talks about a grandparent's "rights" as if they had any. They don't and I don't think that they should have an automatic right to anything.

In a perfect world kids would all have two loving parents, four wonderful grandparents who dote on them and scores of aunties, uncles and cousins. Unfortunately we live in the real one and the judgement I would prefer to rely on is the mother's.

This particular grandmother I wouldn't trust coming into contact with my dog or cat, never mind my young child.

peachyprice

euronorris wrote: »

In certain cases - hell yeah! Aunts and Uncles can be have a massively positive influence on their neices and nephews.

Of course, some won't, but I don't see why they should be excluded just because 2 siblings don't get along. Of course, if there are more serious issues at play (violence, substance abuse, mental abuse etc), then that right would be denied to them.

There is no, and there should be no, right in the first place. Why should anyone have the right to override a parents wishes for who has access to their child?

Bad grandparents who are in the periphery of a child's life can do far more harm that no grandparents at all. I'll give you 2 examples.

Child 1. Had a paternal grandmother who was a hard faced cow, said grandmother had absolutley no maternal insticts, she forced her sons to leave home at 16, put her disabled child in a home when she reached 18. Showed no interest in the child or her siblings throughout her entire life, couldn't even pick her out in a crowd, on the few occasions she did spend time with the child she was verbally abusive to the child and sent her to her bedroom because she was getting in the way. Child was forced by well meaning father to visit the grandmother who didn't even like the child.

Child 2. Had maternal grandparents that were very unkind to her mother whlist growing up. As soon as the mother left home she had nothing else to do with her parents or siblings. The child was brought up with just one set of loving grandparents, the other set were never mentioned.

Which child do you think was most damaged? The one forced to have contact or the one with no contact?