Taken to court by grandparent - advice please

rpc

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Doesn't that rather depend on why there has been no access? For instance, was it because the Grandparents were hitherto not interested or because they were prevented access?

Personally, I don't think it does depend on that. Ideally, every child would have two loving parents (in a loving relationship) and four loving grandparents. We know that this scenario doesn't happen every time and I don't think it is useful for courts to get involved in family squabbles.

Parents are far more important for the child than grandparents in most situations, so it is right that courts intervene with contact orders in that situation. Beyond parental contact and welfare concerns (e.g. Mooloo's case), the state should leave be.

How does it benefit the child to have their relationship with grandparents dragged through the court? To have a relationship with grandparents that the parents won't speak to? I don't see it. I sympathise with the grandparents, but life does not always go as we wish it would.

shelley_crow

rpc wrote: »

Personally, I don't think it does depend on that. Ideally, every child would have two loving parents (in a loving relationship) and four loving grandparents. We know that this scenario doesn't happen every time and I don't think it is useful for courts to get involved in family squabbles.

Parents are far more important for the child than grandparents in most situations, so it is right that courts intervene with contact orders in that situation. Beyond parental contact and welfare concerns (e.g. Mooloo's case), the state should leave be.

How does it benefit the child to have their relationship with grandparents dragged through the court? To have a relationship with grandparents that the parents won't speak to? I don't see it. I sympathise with the grandparents, but life does not always go as we wish it would.

:T:T Spot on.

Welshwoofs

theoldcynic wrote: »

Nonsense how far does this 'reasonable' desire extend to? Aunties, uncles, cousins, second cousins, step families, inlaws? All of whom might have had no contact with the parents/child before? Just because of blood you think someone in the extended family has that right?

Grandparents can currently apply for permission to apply for a Contact Order via the courts. In addition a bill is under consideration to grant Grandparents right to access so if that ever gets passed then they'll have rights enshrined in law. Grandparents are not distant relatives.

What if the mother did not have contact with the parent in over 20 years, you think it's right to allow access to a stranger of the family? To then subject that parent to having to explain why she no longer speaks to her own mother, knows nothing about them and to subject that parent to fear of what may happen week in and week out? How is that beneficial to the child?

I'd say every case is different but I see no reason why a bad relationship between parent and child should automatically equate to that person being denied any chance of a relationship with a grandchild.

I don't see many children damaged from not having contact with their grandparents, in fact many children live quite happily without extended family through moves, being in care, being orphaned, being an only children or death.

Conversely, life can be enhanced by the addition of something that's currently missing. I'd also say that people these days seem very quick to dismiss the role of the Grandparent.

What about whether the parent is being harmed through the grandparent having access to that child? Through stress and worry or flashbacks of what happened to them, a decline in their mental health? A fear that the child will be subjected to the same behaviour they were or used as a weapon or for spite to the parent. Surely that will have an indirect impact on the child too? Does that not count?

If it's a situation where the parent was mentally, sexually or physically abused then I'd say that'd be bloody good reason to deny access to the child because there's obviously a chance the child could be harmed too.

Not many people decide to completely stop contact with their parents on a whim, it is often a long and fraught decision. In this case it sounds like contact was stopped before the children were conceived it would be hard to prove that this was done out of spite/weapon to the grandparent. Remember that the parent in this case who decided no contact was a child once too.

Well you appear to have decided simply because the op hasn't spoken to her parents for years it must be down to the parents being awful. Personally, in the total absence of facts, I prefer to put an opinion across from both sides of the fence.

Welshwoofs

rpc wrote: »

How does it benefit the child to have their relationship with grandparents dragged through the court? To have a relationship with grandparents that the parents won't speak to? I don't see it. I sympathise with the grandparents, but life does not always go as we wish it would.

One would hope that if there was no solid reason why there was a breakdown in a parent/child relationship (history of abuse, alcoholism, drug taking..other destructive behaviour) and it was simply a rift built over time, that all involved could 'man up' and act like adults for the sake of the child. It's not good for a child when a couple who've split won't talk to each other, squabble all the time or use the child as a pawn...yet it happens a lot, but nobody would think of automatically denying one of them access on the basis of 'how would it benefit the child to have a relationship with parents who won't talk'

warehouse

I'm surprised you all appear to be siding with the OP when we've only heard one side of the story. The Grandparent has been well and truly slated, let's hope they don't see this thread and save it for the judge to see.

Ellejmorgan

I wouldn't leave my kids with my mother for 10 seconds, she was a bully who put herself and her boyfriend first, he hit my sibling an I, on one occassion she just carried eating her tea while I was being attacked...
Hell would freeze over first before she gets to see my kids, I last saw her 5 years ago, I was in the house 15 minutes before she told me to 'f off' out of her house, she had a pic of me on her fire, made me feel sick..

I lost a child 10 years ago and went to her house I showed her some pics of my daughter she said 'ain't they lovely' I said 'Mum she's dead' ..there was no warmth no hug, no my poor daughter nothing, I'd gone through hell and she couldn't even hold me...

Some women are just not maternal, we need to use what are parents did to make us the best parents we can be, otherwise it continues...

peachyprice

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Well you appear to have decided simply because the op hasn't spoken to her parents for years it must be down to the parents being awful. Personally, in the total absence of facts, I prefer to put an opinion across from both sides of the fence.

You're just going to ignore what OP put about her parents being awful then?

princessdreamer

I think that there should be no automatic grandparents rights ( I am a mother to 2 boys so yes it could affect me) as the situation in todays society could end up with there being seperated parents so the children are split in two anyway. Then possibly 4 sets of grandparents all fighting for their time. Thats 1 child divided by 6 how is that in anyway a workable system.

rpc

warehouse wrote: »

I'm surprised you all appear to be siding with the OP when we've only heard one side of the story. The Grandparent has been well and truly slated, let's hope they don't see this thread and save it for the judge to see.

I have no doubt that there are two sides to this story, but that doesn't matter to me. This should not be a matter for the courts. What next? Aunties and uncles? They are the same distance from the child as the grandparents. Then cousins?

Welshwoofs wrote: »

One would hope that if there was no solid reason why there was a breakdown in a parent/child relationship (history of abuse, alcoholism, drug taking..other destructive behaviour) and it was simply a rift built over time, that all involved could 'man up' and act like adults for the sake of the child.

I agree wholeheartedly. However, if this doesn't happen, I do not think it is for the state to force matters.

Mojisola

Ellejmorgan wrote: »

I wouldn't leave my kids with my mother for 10 seconds, she was a bully who put herself and her boyfriend first, he hit my sibling an I, on one occassion she just carried eating her tea while I was being attacked...
Hell would freeze over first before she gets to see my kids, I last saw her 5 years ago, I was in the house 15 minutes before she told me to 'f off' out of her house, she had a pic of me on her fire, made me feel sick..

I lost a child 10 years ago and went to her house I showed her some pics of my daughter she said 'ain't they lovely' I said 'Mum she's dead' ..there was no warmth no hug, no my poor daughter nothing, I'd gone through hell and she couldn't even hold me...

Some women are just not maternal, we need to use what are parents did to make us the best parents we can be, otherwise it continues...

I don't think anyone would think that a child should be subjected to what you went through and hope the court sees things that way but I still believe in the principle that grandparents should have the opportunity to see their grandchildren if there are no nasty reasons why they shouldn't.