Taken to court by grandparent - advice please

princessdreamer

How is it stirring, the grandmother is a stranger, a lot of families have situations like this. My daughters father is a stranger to her after 2 years apart she could walk past him in the street and have no clue.

GobbledyGook

The grandmother will be a complete stranger to the child since they've never met.

Welshwoofs

Unless a grandparent represents a danger to the child in some way I can't see any good reason to refuse them access, no matter how much the parent may personally hate them.

The op hasn't actually said what the reason is, so it may be that she's worried about her child's well-being, or it may be that she wants to deny access based on her own feelings and what's happened to her.

Either way, in the total absence of facts I'd say it's rather out of order to either a) damn the grandparent and trumpet that it's 'disgusting' that the op has to 'go through this' or b) damn the parent for wanting to deny access.

lovemystudentloan

Dunroamin wrote: »

There may well be a good reason but that doesn't mean the OP is in the right!

The OP's mother is a much a part of her family as her children are and to describe her as a complete stranger is just ridiculous, even if the OP hasn't seen her for a while. To describe having contact as handing a child over is a total exaggeration and doesn't help the OP at all.

What is needed is moderation and mediation and hopefully this is what will be decided by an objective body.

Quit stirring!

I have to disagree Dunroamin. My mother has mental health problems that mean she cannot understand what is appropriate and what is not. This makes her a danger to herself and to others and I would not want her anywhere near me or my family.

spacegirlfive

Thanks for the interesting responses everyone - particularly the information on CAFCASS.

Of course there are two sides to everything, and I can only put mine across, but in answer to why I'm so anxious not to let my son near her, there's a past history of domestic violence, excessive drinking, short temper, a resentful partner - I could go on. I don't want my son exposed to any of those elements. She thinks it is her 'right' to see her grandson and luckily for me, hasn't mentioned in her supporting statements to the court why it would be beneficial to him.

Mediation is unfortunately not an option for us. She is unreasonable and doesn't have enough intelligence to argue coherently or look at things from someone else's point of view. We don't want to be in the same room as her and her boyfriend, let alone talk to them.

We don't have money for a solicitor and have already seen the CAB Family legal team - they only allow you a couple of appointments and I've already used them up on consulting about the previous hearing - hence the post on here.

rpc

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Unless a grandparent represents a danger to the child in some way I can't see any good reason to refuse them access, no matter how much the parent may personally hate them.

But I also cannot see any good reason to compel access, when there has never been any. This should be left to the parents, not the court IMHO. It would be different if there had been access and a relationship that had since been blocked, but that is not the case here.

Valli

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Unless a grandparent represents a danger to the child in some way I can't see any good reason to refuse them access, no matter how much the parent may personally hate them.

I made the decision, not long after my daughter was born, to no longer have contact with my father so my son and daughter never knew 'Grandad'.
He wasn't a danger to them, he had never physically hurt me but, from my teenage years he had let me down time and time again, failing to visit, not coming when he said he would and not turning up at my wedding ceremony...made it to the reception though!
What clinched it for me was his lack of interest in my daughter - never even sent a card to acknowledge her birth but he was thrilled to have a grandson - because he was a boy!
I told him I would NOT have him treat my children differently because of their gender and effectively severed all contact.

He died in 2005.
I don't miss him.
I do not regret the decision I made.
Some people are just, simply, toxic.

spacegirlfive

GobbledyGook wrote: »

What has your solicitor said about your pregnancy? Personally I would have thought it better to tell the judge about the pregnancy and get the matter sorted once and for all, instead of risking it kicking off again soon. I had a very young baby at the time it happened to me and the judge was very sympathetic.

I haven't been able to see a solicitor about this. I'm worried that if the judge reveals my pregnancy, the grandmother may open another case regarding child 2. Theoretically a case can be appealed every two years - meaning a never-ending cycle of appeals! The judge didn't read my first doctor's letter until she got into the court, even though I sent it three weeks in advance of the hearing. She read it out in front of everyone, which is why I'm worried she might reveal the second child at the next hearing.

Valli

spacegirlfive wrote: »

Thanks for the interesting responses everyone - particularly the information on CAFCASS.

Of course there are two sides to everything, and I can only put mine across, but in answer to why I'm so anxious not to let my son near her, there's a past history of domestic violence, excessive drinking, short temper, a resentful partner - I could go on. I don't want my son exposed to any of those elements. She thinks it is her 'right' to see her grandson and luckily for me, hasn't mentioned in her supporting statements to the court why it would be beneficial to him.

Mediation is unfortunately not an option for us. She is unreasonable and doesn't have enough intelligence to argue coherently or look at things from someone else's point of view. We don't want to be in the same room as her and her boyfriend, let alone talk to them.

We don't have money for a solicitor and have already seen the CAB Family legal team - they only allow you a couple of appointments and I've already used them up on consulting about the previous hearing - hence the post on here.

Mediation would be pointless if you do not want her to be in contact with your son. And mediation has to be paid for anyway.

People do not make a decision to cut people out of their lives lightly (usually) and I know I put up with my 'situation' for many years before I said 'No'.

and TBH I'm pretty relieved my kids don't see much of their paternal Grandmother who is certainly not Grand...

GobbledyGook

spacegirlfive wrote: »

I haven't been able to see a solicitor about this. I'm worried that if the judge reveals my pregnancy, the grandmother may open another case regarding child 2. Theoretically a case can be appealed every two years - meaning a never-ending cycle of appeals! The judge didn't read my first doctor's letter until she got into the court, even though I sent it three weeks in advance of the hearing. She read it out in front of everyone, which is why I'm worried she might reveal the second child at the next hearing.

The thing is though if she has found out about child 1 then she'll find out about child 2 at some point. It might be better for the issue of access to "the children" to be dealt with together at the same time. If she finds out seperately and then ends up with two cases it may make it double trouble (and twice as expensive).

Also you don't want to end up being somehow made to look like you are hiding things from the court as that could end up being twisted by someone nasty in a "well if she hid this then what else is she hiding" kind of way.