partners phone never leaves his side

Gingham_R

I suspect that the more someone tried to hide something from me the more I'd be curious about it. Stuff that's lying around freely isn't something I'd think to look at twice but something being carefully hidden from me would pique my interest, simply by nature of it being something different. I wouldn't violate trust to find out what it was but if I asked about it I'd expect a sensible answer.

heretolearn_2

This does sound a bit extreme, with the never leaving it alone and taking it to the loo, but it could just be his habit.

OH irritates me a bit with his phone as he never leaves it alone, he'll interupt anything to answer it, but he uses it for business as well so I guess that's why. It nearly got thrown out of the window a couple of Christmases ago when he kept texting on it all through Christmas dinner. I was so furious but once I cooled down I asked him not to do that any more as I found it rude, and he stopped. He also gets up and leaves the room when he gets a call, which made me a bit paranoid, but I realised they are perfectly normal calls it's just he thinks it's the polite thing to do. He gets annoyed with me if I sit there chatting on the phone in the living room while he's trying to watch TV etc, so now I can actually see his point there.

BUT - his phone is plugged in to charge in the kitchen every night so I could see it if I wanted to I suppose. And he does leave it laying around sometimes. He does take it into the loo with him, weird I know, but I only know this as sometimes he forgets to bring it out again and I go in and find it sitting on top of the cystern (yuk).

Sometimes I ring my son and there's a weird quality about the sound, and then I hear a splishy-splash and I'm 'Are you in the BATH??!!' Yes, he is, he really takes his phone into the bathroom when he is having a bath. Maybe it's a man thing?

So - although you OH sounds a bit obsessive about it I wouldn't automatically take it as a sign of wrong doing. It may just be bad 'phone manners'. I wouldn't appreciate getting the third degree about who I was calling etc either. Is there anything else that makes you suspicious as well as this?

ItchyFeet

IMO his behaviour is very suspicious. If i were in your position i think i would feel the same. The only time i would have a problem with a partner looking at or using my phone would be if i had something to hide. I think this goes beyond personal privacy and is a secrecy issue - which is never good in a relationship!

mummyroysof3

i always take my phone out my pocket before i go in the bathroom cos im paranoid i would drop it down the loo..only exception is when i dye my hair cos i need to time it

i dont mind my DH looking at my phone..but it annoys my when he trys to purely cos he says he doesnt know how to unlock it...so i stand there wondering why he doesnt just pass it to me lol

Jonee

Have you asked him to show you his messages as this is really irritating you and would put an end to the matter....but do this when he is able to show you, not delete them before you get to see them, if you get my drift.....my husband done this but I caught him out with a 'luv u 2' reply on his phone...nuff said!!!!!!!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I used to leave mine laying around, but once I realised the person I was seeing was going through it for hints I was having an affair, sending nasty messages purporting to be from me to guys I had known from infancy and suchlike, I put a passcode on it. But then the fuss was 'why is this passcoded? Your phone rang and I went to pick it up for you, but I couldn't.'

So I just carry it everywhere and the habit stuck. If someone tried looking at my messages now I'd go ballistic.

maybebaybe

Gra76 wrote: »

My wifes phone is going off all day and all night. She's a textaholic. I don't know who she's texting and frankly I'm not bothered. It'll be her sister, mum or friends I guess.

Your trust issue is the problem here. Everytime you mention his phone it becomes more of a problem. Everytime you mention it he'll feel like you're trying to get more control over him and what he does. You won't see it as controlling but he will. If he's anything like I used to be he'll have made a mental note of each time you've said something 'innocently' and it'll be grinding away at him.

If you don't want to look at his phone why has he agreed not have a passcode on his phone anymore? Regardless of what your intentions are having him agree to this, I'd be pretty confident in saying that in his head he'll think you're trying to control him more. Which you are if you've asked him not to have a passcode anymore.

If he has history of playing around behind your back and he's done this via texting before then I can understand why you want to see what he's doing on his phone (even if you say you don't!)

Why not just come out and ask him to show you his texts. Get it out of the way and if he's got nothing to worry about he'll show you. Then you can either kick him to the kerb or start trusting him more.

On a lighter note....I take my phone to the loo with me cos it's the only place my boys don't hang over my shoulders while I get some angry birds time in....

And here in lies the prob as I said he was very secretive with a particular girl before we split for a couple of months, and then while we were apart went and spent the weekend with her !!

the reason he does not have a pass code on it now is
because we dicussed my trust issues upon getting back together and merely stated that my phone is not pass protected as I have nothing to hide, so he said he wouldn't have that any more.

Over the last 7 months of us being back together, I have asked him twice about his phone activity, once when something def seemed odd and he just got so angry and said I had it all wrong and second a couple of weeks ago when he got a text late at night and I simply said who would be texting this late and he got all defensive and said why am I asking and its only an email anyway !!

I am not constantly asking about his phone as I said its more trouble that its worth !!

I think the worst bit for me is him switching it off if he does leave it lying around, which as I said is very rare anyway !!

he even got all funny the other morning and I didn't ask him a thing !! what had happened was I had gotten up and come down stairs, he was supposed to get up too but after half hour or so it was clear he had fallen back to sleep, sure enough I had to wake him, I was buzzing around getting some clothes sorted and as he was getting up he said where's my phone, I said I don't know you had it last night, then he lifted my pillow and it was under there. He didn't accuse me of putting it there just banged on about how the hell did it get there. I couldn't answer him as I had no clue.

maybebaybe

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I used to leave mine laying around, but once I realised the person I was seeing was going through it for hints I was having an affair, sending nasty messages purporting to be from me to guys I had known from infancy and suchlike, I put a passcode on it. But then the fuss was 'why is this passcoded? Your phone rang and I went to pick it up for you, but I couldn't.'

So I just carry it everywhere and the habit stuck. If someone tried looking at my messages now I'd go ballistic.

Ah yes but I was never an untrusting person and I myself are totally open with him with my stuff, he uses my phone as I have more minutes, he knows my passwords to banks etc, and even when we originally got together the pass code thing never bothered me or even his habits with phone never leaving his side, I just accepted this was how he was !! It was only after I found out something very strange about him and his ex and also the secret texts and phonecalls with this other woman that I have started to worry !!

Basically imo he has made me worry something is not quite right and the nature of his behaviour is not helping !!

I explained to him when we got back together that I was going to need to build my trust in him and he said he wanted this, but this def not helping.

maybebaybe

Jonee wrote: »

Have you asked him to show you his messages as this is really irritating you and would put an end to the matter....but do this when he is able to show you, not delete them before you get to see them, if you get my drift.....my husband done this but I caught him out with a 'luv u 2' reply on his phone...nuff said!!!!!!!

No I havn't because this would imo be confirming to him that I havn't rebuilt my trust in him and this is something I am working really hard to do as I really want to be the totally trusting person I was when we got together, I do not like feeling like this !!

PollyOnAMission

It might be that he is making a point about his right to privacy, or it might be that he has something to hide.

I used to live with a boyfriend but the relationship fizzled out and we gradually ended up just friends and moved to separate bedrooms. I started seeing someone else but didn't want him to know as it would have upset him and our breakup was a very fuzzy thing. I never used to let my phone out of my sight and took it everywhere with me. If he ever picked it up or was near it I would panic because I definitely had something to hide from him.

Years later, with a new partner who I have nothing to hide from, I'm always leaving my phone lying around. He often uses it to play games/look stuff up online/access maps etc and I have no problem with it. However if I felt he was always badgering me to ask what I was doing/who I was texting etc I might get the hump. If he felt it was his right to know I wouldn't like it, or if he asked to read my messages etc, out of principle.