Husband has made me feel like nothing..

Lotus-eater

suki1001 wrote: »

But the way he speaks to his wife could well be linked to his fetish

It might be, it might be down to him being sexually frustrated and not happy with his wife. I'm not saying she's the problem, they just may not be compatible.
Or he could just be a complete arrishole.

suki1001

Lotus-eater wrote: »

It might be, it might be down to him being sexually frustrated and not happy with his wife. I'm not saying she's the problem, they just may not be compatible.
Or he could just be a complete arrishole.

I meant in a disturbing way, rather than out of frustration. I don't think she is the problem.

Lotus-eater

suki1001 wrote: »

I meant in a disturbing way, rather than out of frustration. I don't think she is the problem.

I know what you meant, I was looking at it another way.

determined_new_ms

honestly op I just do not buy the "they are my ex's" story, it just doesn't add up! surely 10 year old dirty undies would be as stiff as cardboard/sheets of concrete. Were they?

Maybe the two of you need some help to work through the issues you have. Sounds like there are some real issues between the two of you for whatever reason you can't communicate about easily and then things get out of hand.

I agree the fetish isn't the end of the relationship. I read a really heart warming thread last week about a couple who are able to cope with the dh being a crossdresser, anything is possible as long as you are able to talk about it in a adult way without fear of judgement

suki1001

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I know what you meant, I was looking at it another way.

Why would you want to do that? We're not just talking a bit of a lovers tiff, the op is dealing with someone who appears to have a very low view of women. There is every possibility, he could just be annoyed that he's been found out, but I'd be looking into it a little bit more than that to be on the safe side here, because it might not be.

I'm not sure why people on here see the fetish and the man's behaviour towards the op as separate. The 2 are clearly inextricably linked.

Lotus-eater

suki1001 wrote: »

Why would you want to do that? We're not just talking a bit of a lovers tiff, the op is dealing with someone who appears to have a very low view of women. There is every possibility, he could just be annoyed that he's been found out, but I'd be looking into it a little bit more than that to be on the safe side here, because it might not be.

I'm not sure why people on here see the fetish and the man's behaviour towards the op as separate. The 2 are clearly inextricably linked.

Why would I want to? Because I am a adult with enough cognitive skills to enable me to.

They are not clearly linked AT ALL, maybe in your mind they are and maybe they are, but you don't know that.

suki1001

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Why would I want to? Because I am a adult with enough cognitive skills to enable me to.

They are not clearly linked AT ALL, maybe in your mind they are and maybe they are, but you don't know that.

Of course they are - they form his view of women. the only question is how much?

At any rate why take the risk and assume they're not? Most people are assuming they're not linked - they don't know that either. In the op's circumstances, she has to take into consideration every possibility, including worst case scenario. What if he is stealing them from other woman. If so, is he spying on them? I understand in some circumstances it good to reason and think, ok it could be x,y and z into consideration. Look at what the op's partner is saying to her, look at how he's concealing loads of dirty underwear and tell me he doesn't have an unhealthy view of women. He tells the op she's smelly and that she made him have sex.

I'm purely thinking of the op's personal safety here, and the fact she doesn't know is worrying to me. Better to be over cautious. Don't make out I'm irrational human being for airing on the side of caution.

Lotus-eater

suki1001 wrote: »

Of course they are - they form his view of women. the only question is how much?

At any rate why take the risk and assume they're not? Most people are assuming they're not linked - they don't know that either. In the op's circumstances, she has to take into consideration every possibility, including worst case scenario. What if he is stealing them from other woman. If so, is he spying on them? I understand in some circumstances it good to reason and think, ok it could be x,y and z into consideration. Look at what the op's partner is saying to her, look at how he's concealing loads of dirty underwear and tell me he doesn't have an unhealthy view of women. He tells the op she's smelly and that she made him have sex.

I'm purely thinking of the op's personal safety here, and the fact she doesn't know is worrying to me. Better to be over cautious. Don't make out I'm irrational human being for airing on the side of caution.

I'm not making you out to be irrational, your own posts seems to be doing that.
I am merely looking at it in another way.

If I don't like a man and have an argument with him, call him names, does that mean I have a particular view on men? Of course not, yet that is what you are saying.

Suspiria

luxor4t wrote: »

:eek: next time we have workmen in, the laundry basket will be EMPTY!!!!!!

I was thinking the very same thing! :eek:

suki1001

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I'm not making you out to be irrational, your own posts seems to be doing that.
I am merely looking at it in another way.

If I don't like a man and have an argument with him, call him names, does that mean I have a particular view on men? Of course not, yet that is what you are saying.

We all say things we don't mean in arguments, but I'd say in this case, it's a bit more than that. These aren't just arguments. Is this a healthy relationship? One where the op's partner is lying about this big bag of underwear? One where's he's very degrading towards her. I'm sorry but if you think what he's saying is normal then you have problems.