Husband has made me feel like nothing..

ihatethesenowiamone

Hi - first off, the name says it all...i hate those "new ID when u have a problem" situations BUT when u read the nature of this, you will see why i dont want my sister and other family members on here knowing who i am!!


Okay, so basically last night i went into our garage and found a holdall (i never usually venture into the garage lol it is man territory).... in the holdall were TONS of pairs of knickers and stockings and tights... and they were all in a "used" condition (sorry tmi - they were not Clean but not horrifically used if u see what i mean!) there were also a few p*rn mags in there too.

So i confronted my hubby.... i knew they werent mine! I assumed that they were from someone recent (we have been married 2 years but lived together for about 7yrs.) He said that they all belonged to his ex girlfriend (he was with her 10+ year ago - euuugh)... he said that he had basically found them in his room (he was messy and never tidied up) at his parents house when we first moved in together ....he said that he was too "embarrassed" to throw them away at their house so he shoved them all into this bag and brought them to ours with the intention of taking them to the tip (!?!?!) as he didnt wanna put them in a bin in case they were seen by anyone. BUT he (says) forgot to take them and the bag has been in our garage ever since.

So.... i got very upset and disappointed - it has made me feel unimportant and has led me to question whether he wants me or is just some big perv etc etc :cool:
He said that he felt really embarassed and guilty and he understood that obviously i hated that they were in our garage still etc etc....
SO - we kind of left it that last night. Today he had the morning off work and i worked all day. I went and looked in garage when i got home (before him) bag was STILL THERE :mad:
When he got home from work at 6pm i confronted him...asked why, if he has ANY feelings for me, he wouldnt have gotten rid of it this morning....... He has now gotten stroppy and refuses to talk to me about anything (as i knew he probably would - defence mode etc)


I feel like i am nothing and am so hurt. God knows if he has been "using" the items over the years when i havent been at home (euguuuughhh!) Also, a year or so ago, i found out he had been ringing sex lines when at home "ill" in the daytime..... our sex life isnt great - he has been depressed for various reasons over last few years and has never had a massive "appetite" - not even when we were first together, which isnt a major problem for me apart from that finding out all these "secret sex" things make me wonder if it is just me he doesnt want :cool:

He says he wants me and only me and does fancy me... but when we argue, he calls me fat and ugly and smelly (i have put on some weight but am not huge lol...i dont THINK i am too ugly as i have never wanted for attention before i was with him and as for smelly....i am not lol!)

Sorry for long rant - just wanted to sound off to be fair and get out the anger that i am feeling!

diceydeb

Dump him and the bag too !

busiscoming2

I'd be suspicious as the whether he is telling the truth about the contents of the bag belonging to his ex. Surely if he did have some of her clothing it would include other 'top' items of clothing too? What woman would constantly leave dirty knickers and tights etc at her boyfriend's house?

I'd bet he has a fetish and that's why the bag hasn't gone.

Now you know about it why don't you just get rid of the bag instead of waiting for him to do it? After all he said he was meaning to get rid of it.

marisco_2

ihatethesenowiamone wrote: »

Okay, so basically last night i went into our garage and found a holdall (i never usually venture into the garage lol it is man territory).... in the holdall were TONS of pairs of knickers and stockings and tights... and they were all in a "used" condition (sorry tmi - they were not Clean but not horrifically used if u see what i mean!) there were also a few p*rn mags in there too.

So i confronted my hubby.... i knew they werent mine! I assumed that they were from someone recent (we have been married 2 years but lived together for about 7yrs.) He said that they all belonged to his ex girlfriend (he was with her 10+ year ago - euuugh

He says he wants me and only me and does fancy me... but when we argue, he calls me fat and ugly and smelly (i have put on some weight but am not huge lol...i dont THINK i am too ugly as i have never wanted for attention before i was with him and as for smelly....i am not lol!)

This is probably not what you want to hear but I am struggling to believe that the tons of knickers, stockings and tights you found belonged to an ex girlfriend. When your husband moved out of his parents house why would he not just take the holdall down the tip. Seems extremely odd that a) any woman would leave dirty, used lingerie of that amount at a boyfriends parents house and b) that he would pack these up and take them to a new home he is sharing with his wife!

As for him calling you fat, ugly and smelly when you argue, well words fail me. He sounds like a nasty piece of work to me. Talk about whilst he is busy judging and criticising you all his skeletons have fallen out the [STRIKE]closet[/STRIKE] garage.

You deserve so much better than all this OP.

C_Mababejive

I think its unforgiveable that he calls you fat/ugly/smelly..time to move on..

pink_princess

Ignore the bag and it's contents.

Just the fact you have no love life and he calls you names should be a cause for concern. Some real honesty is needed between the two of you about all these issues.

MummyOfTwo

fetish.

prob also accounts for his lack of interest in an intimate relationship with you - he needs those things for it to 'work' for him, iyswim.

however, as others have said, the most concerting with is the verbal abuse... what a horrible man he sounds, frankly.

Hootie19

I would try and find out if he has an ebay account and check his buying history.

I would be very hard pressed to believe that this collection of used underwear has been festering in - first his bedroom at home and then in your garage, for 7+ years.

It sound more like a fetish to me. You may be ok with that, and be able to find space for that within your relationship (I wouldn't, personally) but until you have the "problem" out in the open, then there is a barrier between you that will only grow bigger.

The biggest problem, from my POV, is the verbal abuse. That is unforgiveable.

peachyprice

Um, did you notice the dates on the mags? Did they fit with the story of the undies being his ex's?

The reason I ask, is that this is a fairly common fetish and you can buy stuff like this very easily on ebay if you know what to look for.

I wonder whether he has does have a thing for unlaundered undies but was too embarassed to admit it, saying they were his ex's was the lesser of 2 evils, iyswim. The ex story just seems a bit too far fetched. What woman would leave that volume of dirty underwear at her boyfriends parents house? You just wouldn't.

If you think there's any possibility this might be the case then you need to let him know that he can talk to you about it rather than having to keep part of himself and who he is from you. It's important to stay calm and let him know that if he wants to talk you will listen without judging him. By showing your disgust I don't think you'll get the truth out of him.

If it's any comfort, people with strange fetishes tend to compartmentalise them totally separately from their partners and it rarely has any bearing on the way they feel about them.

Once you've got to the bottom of this you can decide whether you truly believe they're he ex's, whether it's something you can live with if it is a fetish or whether it's game over.

(((())))

peachyprice

Oh wow, didn't expect to see so many replies all saying the same.

VfM4meplse

pink_princess wrote: »

Ignore the bag and it's contents.

I agree with the rest of the post but not this sentence. The bag is just too suspicious, if it's not a fetish what is it? Connected to some kind of criminal activity? Prostitution?

OP - not only is he living a double life, he's also being blatantly disrespectful to you. How much do you really know about your husband?