Wife does'nt drive

reehsetin

hubby doesn't drive, same as your wife, no real reason for it but difference is he's happy to walk and get the train etc

I offer lifts, he rarely asks and certainly wouldn't get annoyed if I said no due to tiredness etc

SkintGypsy

I am a driver, but a reluctant one. I am fine driving where I know, but anything new, new car/new place/difficulty parking, causes me to get flustered, then panicked, then angry.

I have been driving ten years, and I am still passenger on every journey I take with my husband. He sees my anguish, and appreciates that I do drive to work and transport the kids around in the week.

Ultimately, not driving just isn't an option. If it were, I would probably take it. My husband pushed me to learn and persevere, and we are both glad he did. It gives us loads more options for schools/jobs and nurseries.

Mojisola

1886 wrote: »

Quite a few of you have mentioned the idea of my wife learning to drive in an automatic, now that you've said that I do remember her once mentioning it herself but, this would limit her and what she can drive for the rest of her life. She would only ever be able to drive automatics and that means my current car would be of no use, not sure if we can afford to buy two.

It's not a once-in-a-lifetime decision. I know someone who nearly gave up driving lessons because he was having trouble co-ordinating the manual gears and coping with all the road craft. The instructor suggested switching to an automatic and he passed his test. A couple of years later, when driving had become natural and he was confident on the road, he went on to pass the manual test.

margaretclare

barbiedoll wrote: »

OP, your wife sounds like me, 20 years ago! I've been in a couple of (minor) car accidents and after dating boy racer types in my teens, I was left a nervous wreck when in a car as a passenger. The thought of driving filled me with dread but when I married my first husband, who also couldn't drive, I began to have lessons. I used to go out driving on Sunday afternoons which, back in the days, used to be very quiet on the roads. (All of the shops were shut on Sundays then!) When I took my first two tests on Monday mornings, the traffic completely threw me and I failed both tests.

When I married my second husband, he was happy to drive me everywhere, although he always encouraged me to learn to drive. Even after having our baby, I insisted that I didn't need to drive, I worked 5 mins away from home, just around the corner from my son's school. It was only last year, when I saw my middle-aged neighbour learning to drive, that it spurred me on. I got her instructor's number, called him and never looked back. I passed the theory test first time and the practical on the second attempt.

I did it in the nick of time really, my husband had to have a cataract operation last week and if it wasn't for me driving, it would have cost us a fortune in cabs, going to and fro to his appointments. I'm still learning and I'm still a bit nervous in heavy traffic, especially on big hills! But I'm so glad that I did it, and my husband taking the time to spend an hour in the B&Q car park, teaching me how to reverse into a space was well spent!

Be nice to your wife, let her know the benefits of driving and don't make her feel as though you will expect her to drive everywhere as soon as she passes. I'm still reluctant to drive at work (I can have a pool car too) as I work in a very busy part of London and the local drivers are insane. I'm building up my confidence at weekends and during the holidays, and I'm soon going to be using our car for work, at least one or two days each week. Be patient and encouraging, if she's got a bit of a phobia, she may need a lot of hand-holding but if I can do it, anyone can! I passed in a manual car, the gears aren't the difficult bit, it's the road confidence that is hard to get.
But stop being the chauffeur, if she wants to go out at night, let her get a cab home!

I could tell a similar story. I tried learning to drive many years ago but had an accident when coming out of the entrance to the hospital where I worked. I failed to see a motorcyclist coming along and was 'done' for 'driving without due care and attention'. The only dirty mark I've ever had on my licence!

A few years later I trained as a midwife and then got a job which required me to drive. The following year my husband had a coronary - 'heart attack'. Driving became, all at once, not just something I needed for work, but it was an essential part of our lifestyle, as a family.

Year on year, driving has been absolutely essential to me for so many reasons. I passed my test in 1971 and have had a clean licence ever since. Just a couple of weeks ago my DH (my second husband) was admitted for surgery at 7.30 am. I brought the car back from the hospital, went to and fro visiting him, to aqua-aerobics, living our normal lives.

Incidentally, the very first time I ever went for a course of driving lessons, that was about 1958, the instructor said I'd never learn to drive, not as long as cars still had manual gearboxes! I'd paid in advance for 12 lessons and only had 3. He didn't like me demanding my money back, but I got it. I suppose he never imagined the invention of automatics. I've driven manual for many years and we now drive automatic.

I know women who've never learned to drive and life is so inconvenient for them if something happens to the driver in the family - their husband! I can't imagine life without it.

tattycath

SkintGypsy wrote: »

I am a driver, but a reluctant one. I am fine driving where I know, but anything new, new car/new place/difficulty parking, causes me to get flustered, then panicked, then angry.

I have been driving ten years, and I am still passenger on every journey I take with my husband. He sees my anguish, and appreciates that I do drive to work and transport the kids around in the week.

Ultimately, not driving just isn't an option. If it were, I would probably take it. My husband pushed me to learn and persevere, and we are both glad he did. It gives us loads more options for schools/jobs and nurseries.

I can so relate to this. I've been driving for alot of years and am similar to you. I drive myself to work, to the local town, shops etc, I used to drive 100 miles no problem, but now I've lost my confidence somewhat. I'm nearly always a passenger when with my OH.

green1970

I didn't take my test until I was 27 and I 'had' to do it as I was on my own, living in the middle of nowhere, working miles away and having to get my daughter to nursery before work. It really was the best thing I ever did and most people who pass their test fairly late (failed the first one and cried for ages) say exactly the same "why didn't I do it years ago". It gave me a real freedom and confidence in myself - if I wanted to go somewhere, even if it was a spur of a moment trip to the other end of the country, I just did it.

Try to encourage your wife to take the bull by the horns and just get it done, you only have to pass once and you just keep trying until you do. She'll feel brilliant when she passes.

annie_d

Only this morning I asked my husband if he minded taking me to work each morning and picking me up each evening. I can't drive and he can.
I said I was happy to get the bus if he ever fancied a lie-in or was watching something on the television. He said, "Don't be silly, i love you and would do anything for you" He has been doing this for over 10 years.
Yes, i do know how lucky I am. ( Or as he says, "Deserving")

annie_d

I have just read through all the pages and i have to say I am VERY surprised. "Unpaid taxi driver"??? etc etc.
Shouldn't husbands do all they can for their wives AND VICE VERSA???

Firetastic

My Mum was 38 when she learned to drive. But she never wanted to learn. It was my Grandfather who encouraged her. He drove us places all the time. Then one day he said it would be a good idea for her to learn to drive.

So although Mum was reluctant she did eventually sit and pass her test. And boy was it useful as not long after she passed my Grandad got taken into hospital. My Mum drove my Gran, me and Dad up to see him.

Now as he has gotten older he cannot drive so it is useful for when my Grandparents need shopping etc. Plus he has had to call us out in the middle of the night when he has fallen out of bed.

Now twelve years on my Mum says she would not like to have gone through life never having driven.

meritaten

I havent read any posts other than your original post. You could be talking about ME! I had driving lessons when I was a teen, I hated it and used being in a car accident (not my fault - I wasnt driving) to stop. my OH then tried teaching me to drive and I really really hated it - so much so I would sometimes be physically sick and had nightmares.
I just could not cope with driving! the mechanics of it were fine - give me an empty car park and I could drive like Nigel Mansell - out on the road was another matter! a large lorry coming towards me - I would shut my eyes! someone up my boot.............I would panic and speed up then slam on the brakes as I cant cope with speed.........I couldnt drive past parked cars at the posted limit - I CRAWLED past them - remembering a child who lived next door who run out into traffic and was killed. Too many hang ups and it made ME an unsafe driver. scared witless too! ask your OH WHY it is that she doesnt really want to drive (yes it does make life easier if you can drive - but only if you can mentally cope with it).....and please be understanding if she says it scares her???????