Wife does'nt drive

GlynD

joedenise wrote: »

We got round the problem this way as well. I hated driving when we lived in London but persevered and got and auto licence, but then didn't drive for about 8 years!

We then moved to a fairly remote area which means I now have no choice but to drive if I'm not going to go bonkers being stuck indoors all the time!!!

I had a single lesson soon after we moved as I was worried about driving on my own, as previously I'd only done it when my DH was with me and could take over if I felt panicked for any reason.

Now I just jump in the car and go where I need to and don't worry about it but still won't drive further than I NEED to. I still don't LIKE driving but do it as it is a necessary evil.

Denise

You've got it. For a husband trying to help his wife and realising that manual gear changing is causing difficulties it's one quick way round the problem. As you've rightly identified, once you start driving for yourself then it becomes second nature - that has been our experience too. After driving for several years my wife decided to take lessons in a manual but found it so frustrating she gave up after only two lessons. It's not limited to women either. One of my brothers only drives automatics - because that's what he prefers and I'm the same. We both learned in manuals but we don't subscribe to the "lazy driver" school of thought. If it suits you - then do it

Mojisola

GlynD wrote: »

We both learned in manuals but we don't subscribe to the "lazy driver" school of thought. If it suits you - then do it

I don't drive an automatic but do think that, if we were inventing a car with today's knowledge, all cars would be automatics. What could be more straightforward than stop and go pedals?

red_devil

it was the norm years ago for husbands to drive and women not too.

GlynD

Mojisola wrote: »

I don't drive an automatic but do think that, if we were inventing a car with today's knowledge, all cars would be automatics. What could be more straightforward than stop and go pedals?

Exactly. You've put it very well. For the purposes of this thread I have specified that automatics are very useful when it comes to women learners who don't have a technical background or are adept at learning a manual but to stray off-topic there's no reason why males with the same problem (and I'm sure there are tens of thousands) shouldn't avail themselves of the same facility. There seems to be some shame amongst young males about driving automatics however and although I understand why I also think it's time attitudes changed. If it makes life easier then use it, that's what it's for!

EDIT: BTW it's not that my wife isn't a good driver, her last car was an Audi TT 3.2 DSG. It went liked the proverbial greased weasel poo

GlynD

snowleopard61 wrote: »

I have never learnt to drive, but both when married and since we split up I've managed to get around without needing lifts, and with two children/babies/toddlers in tow for much of that time. FWIW I don't ride a bike either, although I would if I felt it was safe. Almost the only times when we were married that my ex-husband needed to take us in the car were for a fortnightly shop (pre-online shopping and because he himself preferred the shopping to be done on this basis), and when we went away on holiday - since then we have gone to places we could reach by public transport.

If you don't drive, you plan where you live, where you work, where you socialise, around how you get there. When the children were tiny, I had a double buggy; as they grew older they became good walkers themselves, and it never seemed especially onerous. I don't think being a non-driver is a problem, but it isn't fair to expect someone else to ferry you everywhere you want to go.

Let's say you DID want to learn however (hypothetically). Would you prefer to learn a manual gear change system or take the easy route with an automatic?

GlynD

red_devil wrote: »

it was the norm years ago for husbands to drive and women not too.

Yes I would agree. Times have changed though and I think for the better. My wife loves having her independence and not being beholden to me for every wee message she does.

Hermia

19lottie82 wrote: »

Does you wife want kids at any point? If she does perhaps you could use this as a selling point of the benefits of learning to drive?

I was also thinking that. Also ask her what she would do if something happened to you? I know a couple of women who had awful problems because their husbands temporarily couldn't drive due to illness. The experience of not being able to even drive their husband to hospital appointments prompted them to have lessons.

Hermia

Judi wrote: »

Sorry if i am going against the grain here but i think your rather mean.

Have you thought that she might not want to drive? I learned over 10 years ago but the thought of driving scares the hell out of me now.:(

She obviously shouldn't be forced to drive if she hates the idea or is frightened. But, she also shouldn't treat her husband like an unpaid taxi driver. Expecting someone who works full time to give you lifts at all hours of the day and night is just not on.

snowleopard61

GlynD wrote: »

Let's say you DID want to learn however (hypothetically). Would you prefer to learn a manual gear change system or take the easy route with an automatic?

Many years ago I did take some driving lessons - enough to know that I'm certainly not a natural driver, which is only one of the reasons I've never pursued it - and I must admit that I found clutch control and the use of gears completely mystifying. So yes, an automatic would certainly suit me better. I'm not an especially co-ordinated person anyway, which is partly why cycling really wouldn't be very safe for me. (As to the relationship between this and issues of gender politics, I'm keeping quiet!:D)

GlynD

Hermia wrote: »

She obviously shouldn't be forced to drive if she hates the idea or is frightened. But, she also shouldn't treat her husband like an unpaid taxi driver. Expecting someone who works full time to give you lifts at all hours of the day and night is just not on.

You're right, she shouldn't be forced into anything but perhaps a little discussion where she is gently persuaded to have a go at driving lessons to see if she CAN master the basics. If it were me I'd be asking her opinion and if she said she didn't want to continue then I'd let it drop. Got to be careful you know, wives have teeth