Wife does'nt drive

krlyr

Judi wrote: »

Sorry if i am going against the grain here but i think your rather mean.

Have you thought that she might not want to drive? I learned over 10 years ago but the thought of driving scares the hell out of me now.:(

Mean if she had a genuine phobia of driving and he made her walk everywhere even if he was driving past her destination. But mean to not want to be her personal taxi after a hard day at work and specifically stay up late to be at her beck and call, simply because she can't be bothered to learn? If that's the case, I'd call her the "mean" one.
Relationships are all about give and take. I can cook quite well, OH can't, but if I'm late home he will cook what he can within his skillset to save me the problem. We both drive but if one wants to drink, the other usually offers to drive, ditto if one is tired, ill, etc. We have general responsibilities around the house, e.g. one hoovers, one does the laundry, etc. but we're happy to be flexible on this.
If OP's wife expects lifts all the time and whenever she wants, and guilt trips OP into it when he has genuine reasons to not want to, that's not give and take, that's all take.

System

I agree, to treat her husband as an unpaid taxi driver is just plain wrong, and to hound him for lifts..... has the woman got no dignity?

I just wonder why she doesnt want to drive? I dont, and i know why. Not that i cant be bothered, or i'm lazy. The thought of driving on todays roads now fills me with blind panic! I swear theres more traffic on the roads than there was when i was learning.

Scorpio33

To the OP: I would ask her - what would she do if you were not with her? Or heaven forbid, something happened to you physically, which meant that you were unable to drive?

Its not about her ability to drive or not that is the issue; is the reliance on other people. If it is a hassle that she can't get around not being able to drive, then it is up to her to sort out her driving - or put up with not being able to. Either way, there should never be any reliance upon other people.

babymoo

GlynD wrote: »

It's always good when someone passes first time given the stringency of the written and practical exams these days compared to when I took my test. I still say though that there is no shame in driving an automatic so in cases where gear changing is an issue would you not agree that it makes sense to at least investigate the possibility of using an automatic, particularly if it's a husband advising a wife as in this case?

Oh definitely, I have nothing against automatic cars at all and the people that drive them. My point about the gears was more to the idiot who stated that women struggle with them, however it shouldn't make a blind bit of difference whether it is a husband advising a wife or a wife advising a husband. Both are equal and both are equally capable of changing gears.

ETA just realised you were the person who said about the gears. Can I ask why you make that assumption that women struggle?

cottonhead

I am in a similar situation. My husband doenst drive. However it doenst bother me as I love driving and Im happy to look after him by giving him a lift etc. He did pay for the car and petrol etc when I couldnt afford to and now we pay half. I would like him to drive so he can do stuff without relying on me. Not becauae I mind but so he doenst feel guilty having to ask ( although he hardly does have to ). If your wife is scared I would just accept it. If she just lacks confidence then explain that you will help her and that she will feel so much better once she does have a licence. It opens up new possibilities.

scooterpig

I failed my driving test 4 times. I then gave up learning for a while, then got myself a new instructor and passed first time with him. He was horrified at how much I hadn't been taught by my previous instructor.

When I moved abroad I had to sit another test, and was shocked at how ridiculously easy it is. Cars here are all automatic, which is not a good thing. Good drivers are good drivers, but sadly automatics encourage bad, lazy, and dangerous habits in too many folk. Driving with a mobile phone glued to your ear is normal here. Texting while driving is all too common. Yesterday, I'd been stuck behind a car which was crawling along and weaving dangerously. I could see a dog between the seats licking the driver's face. When I drew up next to the car at the lights, not only was the dog standing half over the driver, he was also on his mobile and drinking a coffee - I can only guess he was steering with his knees. Felt sorry for the dog having such a stupid and irresponsible owner.

The standards of driving in Britain are much, much higher than here. I honestly think that the fact all the cars here are automatics make people lazy and more likely to do stupid things.

1886

Thank you for all of the replies, I did'nt expect anywhere near as many.

Quite a few of you have mentioned the idea of my wife learning to drive in an automatic, now that you've said that I do remember her once mentioning it herself but, this would limit her and what she can drive for the rest of her life. She would only ever be able to drive automatics and that means my current car would be of no use, not sure if we can afford to buy two.

I would just love her to get her licence so for example we could share the driving and she could borrow the car. I`ll talk to her and try and find out what it is that puts her off driving. I don`t think I`m mean as I do give her quite a lot of lifts as it is. I know driving can be stressful and that there`s alot to learn, I drive around 50,000 miles a year.

My car insurance is up for renewall in three weeks, I`ve got some quotes with my wife on the insurance as a named driver (second driver). She has her provisional so as far as I`m aware I can be with her whilst she drives my car, I`ve had a licence for 15 years so I`m almost certain this is legal. We could just do some parking etc.

I could give her lessons, I just think that I would probably teach her some bad habits without realising. Thanks ppl

GlynD

1886 wrote: »

Thank you for all of the replies, I did'nt expect anywhere near as many.

Quite a few of you have mentioned the idea of my wife learning to drive in an automatic, now that you've said that I do remember her once mentioning it herself but, this would limit her and what she can drive for the rest of her life. She would only ever be able to drive automatics and that means my current car would be of no use, not sure if we can afford to buy two.

I would just love her to get her licence so for example we could share the driving and she could borrow the car. I`ll talk to her and try and find out what it is that puts her off driving. I don`t think I`m mean as I do give her quite a lot of lifts as it is. I know driving can be stressful and that there`s alot to learn, I drive around 50,000 miles a year.

My car insurance is up for renewall in three weeks, I`ve got some quotes with my wife on the insurance as a named driver (second driver). She has her provisional so as far as I`m aware I can be with her whilst she drives my car, I`ve had a licence for 15 years so I`m almost certain this is legal. We could just do some parking etc.

I could give her lessons, I just think that I would probably teach her some bad habits without realising. Thanks ppl

I can see where you're coming from mate but automatics are a lot more available than ever and they come in all sizes. My wife's first one was a Vauxhall Corsa. Without disrespect, would you have any objections to sharing an automatic with your wife if it enabled her to get the benefit of driving for both of you?

[Deleted User]

It's up to her if she wants to learn to drive or not, but it's also up to you if you want to be a taxi service. Simples!:D

barbiedoll

OP, your wife sounds like me, 20 years ago! I've been in a couple of (minor) car accidents and after dating boy racer types in my teens, I was left a nervous wreck when in a car as a passenger. The thought of driving filled me with dread but when I married my first husband, who also couldn't drive, I began to have lessons. I used to go out driving on Sunday afternoons which, back in the days, used to be very quiet on the roads. (All of the shops were shut on Sundays then!) When I took my first two tests on Monday mornings, the traffic completely threw me and I failed both tests.

When I married my second husband, he was happy to drive me everywhere, although he always encouraged me to learn to drive. Even after having our baby, I insisted that I didn't need to drive, I worked 5 mins away from home, just around the corner from my son's school. It was only last year, when I saw my middle-aged neighbour learning to drive, that it spurred me on. I got her instructor's number, called him and never looked back. I passed the theory test first time and the practical on the second attempt.

I did it in the nick of time really, my husband had to have a cataract operation last week and if it wasn't for me driving, it would have cost us a fortune in cabs, going to and fro to his appointments. I'm still learning and I'm still a bit nervous in heavy traffic, especially on big hills! But I'm so glad that I did it, and my husband taking the time to spend an hour in the B&Q car park, teaching me how to reverse into a space was well spent!

Be nice to your wife, let her know the benefits of driving and don't make her feel as though you will expect her to drive everywhere as soon as she passes. I'm still reluctant to drive at work (I can have a pool car too) as I work in a very busy part of London and the local drivers are insane. I'm building up my confidence at weekends and during the holidays, and I'm soon going to be using our car for work, at least one or two days each week. Be patient and encouraging, if she's got a bit of a phobia, she may need a lot of hand-holding but if I can do it, anyone can! I passed in a manual car, the gears aren't the difficult bit, it's the road confidence that is hard to get.
But stop being the chauffeur, if she wants to go out at night, let her get a cab home!