Wife does'nt drive

Jo84_2

I did all my lessons when I was 17 and was about ready to go in for my test, when tragically one of my best friends (who had just passed their test 6 weeks earlier) crashed his car and died.

I still had a few lessons to go before my test but it shook my confidence and couldnt go through any more.

Now my partner drives us to work as we both work in the same city (16 miles away) but have come to a compromise. If I start taking a few more lessons and my partner will go out with me at weekends to help with my confidence until I feel ready to take my test.

I think it all comes down to the actual reason she is reluctant to drive. Once you know this, you can work out how to get around it so she feels capable of taking her test.

JoJo

System

Are you in a position to teach her to drive yourself?

Oh please dear God no! I remember my driving instructor taking me out on the Friday. Hubby taking me out on the Saturday and him yelling at me when i didnt drive like he did. My driving instructor taught me one way and my husband was trying to teach me another. He yelled, i yelled and in the end i just refused to go out with him again.

I should have persevered really, i was one minor fault off a pass and i gave up completely.

Itismehonest

I live in the middle of nowhere, no public transport & don't drive..... well, not an ordinary vehicle, anyway.
I have taken lessons in my teens & 30s but never taken the test. Basically I hate driving.
I know a couple of people in the same situation around here. If you can't hack your own company it must be dire.

However, the flip side of getting your wife to drive, OP, is what she might spend dashing here, there & everywhere It could be a case of be careful what you wish for.

Daisy70

Idiophreak wrote: »

Are you in a position to teach her to drive yourself?

Christ no, don't do it! My ex tried to teach me reversing round a corner and it almost led to WW3 and a breakup. I swiftly declined any further offers of help and stuck with my geeky instructor:D

LandyAndy

Ok, taking the long view.

My mother and father were the same age as you and your OH when they learned to drive, almost exactly 50 years ago. My mother didn't want to learn but my father insisted (those were the days).

Fast forward to now, my father cannot drive for health reasons and is frequently in hospital (weekly day visits and sometimes a week at short notice). If my mother couldn't drive she wouldn't be able to visit him or go anywhere, public transport is poor where they live.

They are both now very grateful indeed that she learned.

Idiophreak

lazer wrote: »

I don't think having a migraine would disqualify you from being able to give adequate supervision now, i would say it perfectly legal, an in fact i used to let my friend drive (on a provisional) when i was feeling unwell and she needed the practice.

Hmm...If you had a migraine impairing your vision to the extent you didn't feel you're capable of driving, I'd wish you all the luck in the world trying to convince an insurer that you were capable of supervising...

rpc

1886 wrote: »

She always lays a guilt trip on me if I say that I don`t want to give her a lift.

Emotional manipulation, some would say abuse.

You need to work out (with her) why she won't learn. It may be that scabbing lifts off you is an easier option - in which case remove that option! Put your foot down and set some rules - lifts for X are OK, Y if it is convenient and Z is never OK.

Mojisola

1886 wrote: »

I get hounded to either give her a lift to work in the morning if I`m on a late shift or pick her up from work if I`m on an early shift. Last night she went to see a friend 12 miles away, she got the train there from work but expected me to drive and pick her up afterwards, I refused and then was made to feel guilty 'I thought you would want me to get home safely'.
Usually if I`m on a late shift I don`t go to bed until midnight by the time I`ve got home, sometimes later. I usually get up at 7.30am and give her a lift to work, it`s not walkable, the bus takes about 30 minutes.

In the winter esp I do fear for my wife having to get a bus as it`s dark and she walks through a subway but her not driving always affects me as well. If we go for a meal or to see friends, I`m always the one who drives and can`t drink.

I know I don't help the situation by giving my wife lifts to work but I just wish she would get her licence, she never gives me an exact reason as to why she won`t. She`s very driven in certain areas and not in others. Work have also said that she would have use of a 'pool' car if she could drive.

Time for a serious talk. Ask her what she would do if she was living on her own or you had to work away from home or were off sick for a couple of months?

I would also put my foot down about the emotional blackmail. It's not healthy to get your own way in a relationship through this method.

All she has to do is pass her test and she's got access to a car from work so there's no extra expense involved. It sounds like she's just got to give the lessons some priority. If you being unable to give her lifts when she wants them is what it will take to force the issue, that's what you'll have to do.

Crisp_£_note

Hi Just felt the need to say something sorry I cant really offer you any advice but do know your predicament as I am on the flip side of this, my Hubzy is my taxi as I don't drive, never got round to passing my test, I can drive but dont have the official document licence to say I can do so legally therefore I dont obviously. Im 40 and hubzy is 39. He drives, most of my friends drive.

I have a back condition, degenerative but it doesnt prevent me at the moment from driving a car, although it is uncomfortable and so an automatic is better than a maunual for me personaly. Most seats dont pull up close enough to the steering wheel even at the end of their runners.

Its made slighlty more awkward as I am 4 ft 7 " and even though I have lost weight I am still tubby. I got myself some foot pedal extensions and a wedge cushion and just took my time with reversing as I found it difficult to turn round to look out the rear window, didnt feel safe enough doing it by mirrors only.

Yet still after ????????? many lessons, driving schools and instrucotrs I decided to give up and its just not worth it.

I get scared and feel unsafe on public transport so However I NEVER expect them to ferry me around EVER! I never rely on them offering me lifts or taxi ing me around everywhere and anywhere. I will accept an offer of a lift from a friend but only after checking this is really ok by them (usualy they are going to same place anyway so not out of their way) I quite often ask if they want a me to chip in toward petrol but rarely do they ask or answer yes so I reciprocate with other ways, little treats, buy them drinks, pay for them when we go to see a show or something just to affirm my appreciation.

Hubzy works part time self employed (hes a vehicle valeter) so our income is on a tight budget at the best of times. None the less he is always busy either working or on other jobs that need doing. I will always ask him when he is free to take me to the Drs or when we can arrange to collect the shopping. I always ask if it is ok for me to have a lift to my friends house and if its not I accept |I have to miss out. Thats fine by me, my consequences of not learning to drive.

Why I still havent passed my test I dont know, maybe subconsciously I have a fear of failute or something but I do so wish I just would or could as I long for the freedom would bring me, it would make my life so much easier too and less restricted. Id also have peace of mind that hubzy can relax some evenings without having to take or fetch me from somewhere and interrupt his evening schedule.

Its also a worry that I cant ferry my Mum or MIL or the dogs or even hubby round when neccessary or when it becomes necessary in the future.

However I also know for a fact if I had a full driving lisence I still wouldnt have a car as I couldnt afford to keep one. We have tried a moped / scooter but I cant ride safely even the smallest ones as they are too big for me to sit on and reach the ground let alone too heavy for me to handle. Hubzy is looking out for a roas legal 'Monkey bike / Pitbike' for me as he says these are a lot smaller. I have to be convinced and bikes to me are a lot more dangerous than cars and bycicles are even worse!

Its increasingly becoming frustrating and I have tried various things to overcome my circumstances but alas to date nothing works.

I wish you all the best and I hope you can sort out your differences and your wife can pass her test.

Mojisola

lazer wrote: »

I don't think having a migraine would disqualify you from being able to give adequate supervision now, i would say it perfectly legal, an in fact i used to let my friend drive (on a provisional) when i was feeling unwell and she needed the practice.

When you are the supervising driver, you have the same legal responsibilities as if you were the driver. So if you are unwell, have taken alcohol or other drugs, are overtired, use a mobile, don't wear the glasses you need for driving, and so on, you are breaking the law and risking invalidating your insurance.