Angry..do you see this as ok?

Penny-Pincher!!

Lets not jump to conclusions:D

Maybe his work involves erections and his c**k....does he happen to work for a sperm bank or possibly you live up North and he works for an architectural firm and was simply saying "Way aye man.....how do ya like me knew erection, !!!!?":rotfl::rotfl::D;)

PP
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fedupandstuff

Can assure you i am genuine. I had used your comment about 'how would he feel if i text a man about my p**y' even before you mentioned it as I had hoped that would make him understand why i was hurt.

I wish i was just someone posting this for !!!!!! n giggles.

londonsurrey

fedupandstuff wrote: »

He did apologise sort of. He said that it was just him and his personality but if it makes me uncomfortable he wouldn't do it...
I feel like i am some mother telling him what he can and can't do and his response above just made me think he is validating it...but won't do it again if I am uncomfortable.
Still stands that he sees it as ok.
I have linked him this post.................

Your instincts are right. The reason why you feel like a mother is because he's in little boy denial mode.

It's not up to you to change him. You can't anyhow.
In society, it's recognised that you reach a formalised age of criminal responsibility because it's the age that you are capable of personal responsibility.

However, just because you're theoretically capable of personal responsibility doesn't mean that you choose to be. Just look at the threads on this board alone, full of lives devastated by an idiot man/woman who just couldn't hack it, and walked out on their family.

A person who does things like that sneakily, because they think they can get away with it still has a long way to go. "Oh, but we're just talking, it doesn't count", "Oh, but we're just touching hands, it doesn't count".

This type of delusion carries across many different contexts. I once knew a cheating person who was also obese. They would stand in the kitchen, scoffing half a loaf of bread, etc on top of normal meals. "Oh, but it's just what I quickly snacked on when standing up, it doesn't count". *rollseyes*

purple.sarah

So he apologised that you were uncomfortable, he didn't admit his actions were inappropriate. That's a problem because if he doesn't think it is wrong he might do it again and just make sure you don't find out. It is wrong on so many levels. To spell it out:

1. It is totally inappropriate to text other women about his "random erection" and his "c**k" when he's in a relationship. Ask him how he would feel if you were texting male coworkers about your vagina, that might put it into perspective for him.

2. It's inappropriate and unprofessional to send sexual texts to a coworker anyway, it certainly suggests their relationship is more than merely professional (unless she's a prostitute.)

3. He's overprotective of his phone to the extent of snatching it off you, which shows he has more to hide.

4. He laughs it off, making you feel stupid and only apologises for how you feel, not what he did, see 6 Types of Apologies That Aren't Apologies at All

Taadaa

fedupandstuff wrote: »

He did apologise sort of. He said that it was just him and his personality but if it makes me uncomfortable he wouldn't do it...
I feel like i am some mother telling him what he can and can't do and his response above just made me think he is validating it...but won't do it again if I am uncomfortable.
Still stands that he sees it as ok.
I have linked him this post.................

Ahh you see he shouldn't stop doing it because you want him to. He should recognise what he did was wrong, laughing and being dimissive of your feelings is wrong, apologise and not do it again. He isn't admitting it is wrong if he says 'well I won't do it if you don't want me to' - he is putting the responsibility with you instead of himself. All a part of making you feel bad really.

I'm not going to speculate whether he is having an affair or not - you asked whether what he did was wrong and the answer is a resounding yes. He seems to be the only one who is okay with it.

JustinCredibleGillespie

From now on he should 'freely' let you check his laptop & phone, that way, you'll have peace of mind.

You've trusted him too much before and look how he freaks out if your anywhere near it, imagine what other messages were there! He's probably 1 step ahead of you & deleted the rest.

JCG

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Gingham_R

Why is he talking about his penis to her? Not once has a male friend talked about his !!!! to me unless it's gone beyond the friendship stage.

Now he knows you've seen it he'll be more careful about deleting things. If he had nothing to be ashamed of he wouldn't have tried to stop you looking at it.

Very tricky situation when you have children with him, but do be aware that this isn't just nothing. Men don't talk to women about their hard ons unless they want them to be interested in their hard ons.

Gingham_R

Also, and I hate to say this part, but I really think you should consider sexual health testing.

Gingham_R

Actually - there have been a couple of times when male friends have talked about their penis to me now I think about it.

The one who said he thought it was too small and he'd never have a long term relationship, the one who was having 'technical difficulties' caused by a medical condition and one who described a particularly unpleasant STD he was experiencing at the time.

I think there is a distinct difference here - these were men who were trusting a friend with personal problems. I'm really struggling to see how this particular text could fit in with any kind of friendship I've ever had.

JustinCredibleGillespie

Gingham_R wrote: »

Also, and I hate to say this part, but I really think you should consider sexual health testing.

This should be TOP priority!

JCG

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