Angry..do you see this as ok?

Lotus-eater

Dunroamin wrote: »

Good grief, I thought that we'd got rid of the idea of men's ungovernable sexual urges in the last century!

Sorry, I tried telling mine that is was so last century that they existed, but it didn't work, they just didn't listen, I don't know why.

Quite obviously there are some people posting here without a high sex drive, as they have no idea how one works. It's not something you can just decide to put to one side.
I don't know about ungovernable, I never said that, I said that it was impossible to keep it down, or make it go away. If you have a desire to mate, it can take over your whole way of thinking, you only have to look at almost any animal to see that, humans aren't any different, we may have laid a veneer of civilisation over ourselves, but biology is biology, it's still there.

determined_new_ms

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Sorry, I tried telling mine that is was so last century that they existed, but it didn't work, they just didn't listen, I don't know why.

Quite obviously there are some people posting here without a high sex drive, as they have no idea how one works. It's not something you can just decide to put to one side.
I don't know about ungovernable, I never said that, I said that it was impossible to keep it down, or make it go away. If you have a desire to mate, it can take over your whole way of thinking, you only have to look at almost any animal to see that, humans aren't any different, we may have laid a veneer of civilisation over ourselves, but biology is biology, it's still there.

Ok firstly my comments were not an attempt to hijack the ops questiob, but instead meant to show its ok to feel how we feel period

2ndly surely we are part of a progressive culture that allows room for people to feel how they feel about issues that r important to them. This is not a debate about the rights nd wrongs of the enjoyment of the !!!!!! industry and whether men need to watch a certain amount of other women to stay faithful or they will become uncontrolable

3rdly why r people either asumming you are either a sexual reprobate who is perverted if u waych !!!!!! or
oppressed to the point where u don't have regular sex and master bate as often as u want if ur male and u don't watch !!!!!!? There is a middle ground to be found.

paddy's_mum

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I said that it was impossible to keep it down

Clearly, I've been labouring most of life with the erroneous belief that having sex with someone was a matter of will, of deciding to make certain actions and movements - that it was voluntary (with rare and criminal exceptions, obviously)

I accept that arousal is outside physical control. My contention is that it's what you do with it that matters and too many appear to view almost instant gratification as their inalienable human right.

You make it sound as outside of one's control as vomiting! LOL :rotfl:

Lotus-eater

determined_new_ms wrote: »

Ok firstly my comments were not an attempt to hijack the ops questiob, but instead meant to show its ok to feel how we feel period

2ndly surely we are part of a progressive culture that allows room for people to feel how they feel about issues that r important to them. This is not a debate about the rights nd wrongs of the enjoyment of the !!!!!! industry and whether men need to watch a certain amount of other women to stay faithful or they will become uncontrolable

3rdly why r people either asumming you are either a sexual reprobate who is perverted if u waych !!!!!! or
oppressed to the point where u don't have regular sex and master bate as often as u want if ur male and u don't watch !!!!!!? There is a middle ground to be found.

When people start using words like "Diddums", "Mummy patting spoiled little boy on the head", etc, then for some reason I start to get a bit annoyed when it is describing to me, normal behaviour.

Your posts have been good, you understand what's good for one person/couple, may not be for another. I have already said if you find someone who thinks the same as you, then it's fine, I personally don't care what other people either do, or do not, get up to.

The problems, as I have trying to point out, come when women don't understand some men, I believe men on the whole have a higher/different sex drive to most women, !!!!!! can help to deal with the differences.
Men are more visual, women more emotionally stimulated, so alot of women don't understand !!!!!!, so tend to write it off as a little boys perversion.
And when they do that, men don't like it for some reason.

Lotus-eater

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Clearly, I've been labouring most of life with the erroneous belief that having sex with someone was a matter of will, of deciding to make certain actions and movements - that it was voluntary (with rare and criminal exceptions, obviously)

I accept that arousal is outside physical control. My contention is that it's what you do with it that matters and too many appear to view almost instant gratification as their inalienable human right.

You make it sound as outside of one's control as vomiting! LOL :rotfl:

It's outside ones control as any biology is, that's what I said.

System

fedupandstuff wrote: »

He laughed at me when i was not impressed... I'm not happy, but when he laughs at me like i'm stupid i feel i need to ask for opinions from male and female pov

I know the conversation has strayed from the original topic, but I wanted to respond to this. I think the answer to your original question is loud and clear: No, it's not OK. It might be harmless flirting, he might be planning to cheat, he might be cheating already. But the critical thing for me is the part of your original post that I've quoted. If it makes you feel uncomfortable and unhappy, it's his responsibility to talk to have a serious and adult conversation with you about it. Laughing it off isn't an acceptable response, and it's designed to manipulate you into feeling stupid and uncomfortable, therefore preventing you from taking it any further. That's appalling behaviour, and a disgusting form of bullying and belittling. What happens if he has an affair? Will he laugh that off and make you feel stupid then, as well? What if you disagree on a childcare issue or a financial issue, or any number of other areas? He's already shown that he doesn't give a damn about your opinions or feelings - if he did, he would have taken you seriously and listened to what you had to say.

If he genuinely doesn't see anything wrong with his behaviour, I would personally be having serious doubts about whether or not I wanted to stay with him. If sending obscene text messages is such a deeply ingrained part of his personality that he doesn't have the decency to take your hurt seriously, maybe he should be leaving the relationship and finding someone who is happy to be with someone who behaves in that way (not likely!) And equally, do you really want to be with someone with that sort of personality?

One last question for the OP - you said you'd linked your OH to this thread. Did he read it? If so, did it change anything and/or what was his reactiong to it?

Dawning

beautiful_ravens wrote: »

I wonder how men managed in the 100,000+ years before !!!!!! eh? Just a thought.

.

I know, the poor babies had to use their imagination! And would get excited just at the sight of boobs...now it takes hardcore !!!!!! for most of them to get turned on at all.

I think there are red flags in this situation, as others have said, and I'd be taking it very seriously. If I was still with him.

Lotus-eater

beautiful_ravens wrote: »

I wonder how men managed in the 100,000+ years before !!!!!! eh? Just a thought.

Dawning wrote: »

I know, the poor babies had to use their imagination! And would get excited just at the sight of boobs...now it takes hardcore !!!!!! for most of them to get turned on at all.

!!!!!! has been around as long as man has been able to draw, it's used whatever medium it could find at the time, technology withstanding. In fact if you look back, generally the more evolved the civilisation, the more !!!!!! there was. If there wasn't it was because of religion.
It's just now we are in an age where it's difficult/to impossible, for the church/meddling busybodies to tell adults what they can and can't watch.

The result, is that people want to watch it, well there's a surprise.

I can still use my imagination thankyou and I still get turned on by the sight of boobs.

MeganKate

Gingham_R wrote: »

I don't know if you realise how sexist your post is. It is not odd to expect fidelity in a relationship. In our culture it is the expected norm. The expectations of 'fidelity' vary widely from people being uncomfortable with their partners having close friends of the opposite sex to people having open relationships with defined boundaries within that freedom.

I dont see how my post was 'sexist' as I mentioned before I use !!!!!! and I am female. I would never expect to be told that I couldnt

Pornography is a hotly debated issue and I won't go down this route too much, but the issues around whether girls are manipulated, coerced and forced into the sex industry are very real, as are the issues around some women (and men) being uncomfortable about their partners having orgasms while looking at other people in a state of undress or sexual activity. It can be seen as 'extra marital' to some and to others it is seen as simply a method of release without thinking of the real people in the pictures/videos.

As I said, I find it strange that someone would see !!!!!! in the same way as 'cheating' but maybe thats just me!

So to accuse a woman of being controlling around this issue and to threaten her that her partner will cheat on her because she doesn't want him to use pornography is both insulting to the woman you're addressing and insulting to men whom you seem to think cannot control themselves, which is an outdated phallocentric notion that I thought had gone out with the idea that women don't really like it and put up with it to get jewelry.

I didnt accuse anyone of anything, just asked whether she thought that was normal? I dont, thats all. I certainly havent threatened her with anything! im not her husband!

oooooooooooo

MeganKate

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Honestly? Is that what modern manners have come DOWN to? A woman either 'services' a man, at his command, or else he is completely, understandably, free to stray!

What do people like you do when the woman is pregnant, unwell, and frankly, advised by doctors to abstain from sexual intercourse? 'Give over, woman .. it's my rights as a man to indulge in either marital rape or tasteless, disloyal, numbing 'tossing off' and you can lump it or like it, 'cos my libido and my pecker rule my life. I can't help it because I am so immature that I cannot use commonsense and make an informed, rational decision'.

MeganKate - I suggest that you have a few years in the real world before you come out with carp like that! What are you going to do when your own man decides that he's fed up dipping his wick into you five times a day for months and pursues some other receptacle instead?

If MeganKate's perception of the interaction between men and women today is the norm, no wonder there is such unhappiness in families today.

That rare thing - almost speechless! :rotfl:

I am also speechless !!!

You didnt even read what I wrote! I dont expect anyone to 'service' anyone, but to insist that your bloke doesnt have a !!!! over a bit of !!!!!! is unbelievably controlling!!!

I arent going to shag you, but you cant do it to yourself either ! LOL!