In Laws issue.

vixarooni

I think its probably a case of your wife wanting to be a mother and feels a bit suffocated by the situation. I don't think i would like my in laws to move into the same street, its a bit too much in my opinion. I think once or twice a week (at most) would be a good amount of time for everyone to be happy!

Artytarty

I think -your wife is being mean.sorry for being so blunt!
Agree about the no tapping on the window bit but I dont think it is unreasonable of your parents to want to see their grandchild a few time a week , since that is possible without you or your wife having to drive or anything. In a few years time it will be lovely for her, you and your parents if she can walk down to Grannys house all by herself! They could build a really strong lifelong relationship. Perhaps your wife is jealous that it is not her parents?
We used to do this, I'd stand at the gate and watch until Granny saw her and she went in through her gates.

Daisy70

I think your wife feels a bit threatened by your mother, meaning that she thinks your mother might try to interfere and tell her how she should be doing things and just generally be nosy.

I think it's fair enough that they want to see their grandchild and she is being unreasonable about this.

Knocking on the door is a no-no though, put a stop to that.

*Louise*

If your father is doing things like showing up and knocking on the windows (that would annoy me as well!) then it could well be that your wife is reluctant to allow more time with them in case it encourages them even more to turn up out of the blue.

You need to have some boundaries, perhaps arrange a couple of set times a week that they visit. Try listening to her and letting her suggest which days/times would be suitable for her and DD.

My mum lives nearby,we get on great and she visits on a Tuesday and Friday - anything else is pre arranged, she wouldn't just show up in case I was busy.

I imagine I'd have been annoyed if my inlaws had bought a house practically next door to me - I would probably feel hemmed in and intruded upon.

Horseunderwater

Your OH has some issue, which you really do need to sit down and talk through together. It may be to do partly with just how long it took for you both to succeed in getting DD in first place? Did your parents say anything to her without you knowing? They may not have meant it, but the thought could have grown bigger and got out of control in her mind. Communicate it all through. Be there - be and show 100% support. She is a new Mum and that can be very overwhelming too! She might even be a little post natally depressed.
Especially since it was something she really wanted for so long. Sounds odd I know, but she is kind of right in that it may well be a "woman" thing. Lots of kisses n cuddles and a good long frank discussion. Then when you have that sorted, talk to your parents and set up a routine that your wife is happy with and get them to keep to it. Finally good luck.

SavingPennies_2

Mupette wrote: »

your wife needs to tell you what this 'woman' thing is.
I'm a woman and if my parents just lived around the corner i would love it.

But they're not HER parents, they're HIS , there's a difference.

Lizzybop

I too agree with everything Fluffnutter says!!

I know from my personal experience, if my MIL moved to a house in the same street I would be very unhappy. I tolerate my MIL from a distance (a nice day out type distance). One day just a few times a year is plenty.

Funnily enough the family of a previous boyfriend, well they were lovely and I can't say I would have had any issues living close to them. Couldn't be with him, but lovely mum & dad.

So I end up with a fab husband who unfortunately comes with a dubious mother.

Have you investigated issues between your wife and MIL? Your wife might be reluctant to share this information with you. She chose to marry you but your family come too - and now they're on your doorstep too!

fluffnutter

I don't think anyone's being mean. This isn't about who's right and who's wrong. I just think people had different expectations that unfortunately weren't sorted out at the right time, i.e. when this move was first mooted.

To nip it in the bud (which must be done because this problem won't get easier on its own), the wife must feel she's being listened to and respected and the parents must feel able to regularly see their grandchild.

It's all about balance and as the man in the middle, Tyler, I think it's probably down to you to suggest a solution that suits everyone. I hope tact, diplomacy and keeping calm are some of your strengths!

Mupette

SavingPennies wrote: »

But they're not HER parents, they're HIS , there's a difference.

I can't quote on my very soon to be hubby's parents as they are both dead, but when mil was alive, she was the type that wouldn't come over unless asked, again i would of loved them near me.

It's fine if you feel the need to make his and her in capital, just in case you know, i never read the op or anything.. less shouty plz

gingin_2

I have sweet but at times selfish and suffocating inlaws and find the only way I can deal with them is to do it on my terms ( which I think are reasonable), or I would go insane and completely block them out. Thankfully my husband agrees with this 100%. I wonder if your wife feels similar, which is why she is pushing back on any contact at all.

I think children can really benefit from a positive relationship with Grandparents but your daughter needs a happy Mummy first. I think your FIL not listening to your request to contact before he comes over says a lot and they really need a strong talking to, to understand that it is your house, your rules.