My husband has committed Adultery

poker21

fluffnutter wrote: »

Is it not at home then? Has he moved out?

TBH, it doesn't sound great. If he's been found out but wants the marriage to work, I doubt he'd be ignoring you! He'd be following you around begging for forgiveness.

Sorry, I just can't get my head round how he's daring to avoid you. Makes me really angry on your behalf.

on Sunday we had a row because he had been exchanging kisses with 'K' he went to the pub and didn't come home so on Thursday I found out that he might be staying at 'K's, I waited outside her flat and saw them both come back arm in arm and so I confronted them and he shouted and swore at me and she said I have been telling him to tell you and told me all.

So maybe he's not feeling guilty but relieved that's it's all in the open now and wanted out anyway

fluffnutter

So is he still staying with this other woman?

poker21

fluffnutter wrote: »

So is he still staying with this other woman?

Yes, he's moved in with her

HappyMJ

poker21 wrote: »

I think separation may be a better option for me at the moment until I find a job and why should I give him permission/chance to re-marry.

I don't ever want to get into a relation ever again it's just too painful

poker21 wrote: »

Yes, he's moved in with her

I think that is your solution then. You continue to live as you are in the marital home and when he wants to remarry he can start any divorce proceedings and pay for them. You will then get legal aid to defend yourself which will be repaid out of his settlement. Sorted...

Now as you live by yourself you can claim single person benefits such as tax credits in your own name and that will enable the legal aid case if needed later.

fluffnutter

OK, lovey. You need to deal with the immediate problems first. Worry about divorce later (if indeed you ever get that far). You say you don't work. I assume you're financially dependent on your husband then, i.e. he pays the mortgage and all the bills.

Are you confident that this will continue? Have you got enough money for food and whatnot? Do you have a joint account? Is there money in there? Has your husband made any large withdrawals? Do you have family who can help you?

poker21

HappyMJ wrote: »

I think that is your solution then. You continue to live as you are in the marital home and when he wants to remarry he can start any divorce proceedings and pay for them. You will then get legal aid to defend yourself which will be repaid out of his settlement. Sorted...

Now as you live by yourself you can claim single person benefits such as tax credits in your own name and that will enable the legal aid case if needed later.

yes, I've been told I should be claiming child tax credit and council tax benefit. Will do that next week

poker21

fluffnutter wrote: »

OK, lovey. You need to deal with the immediate problems first. Worry about divorce later (if indeed you ever get that far). You say you don't work. I assume you're financially dependent on your husband then, i.e. he pays the mortgage and all the bills.

Are you confident that this will continue? Have you got enough money for food and whatnot? Do you have a joint account? Is there money in there? Has your husband made any large withdrawals? Do you have family who can help you?

we don't have joint accounts.
My elder daughter is helping me financially.
I do have some savings, I don't think he will help me financially so it's even more desperate that I get a job

fluffnutter

poker21 wrote: »

we don't have joint accounts.
My elder daughter is helping me financially.
I do have some savings, I don't think he will help me financially so it's even more desperate that I get a job

You should be able to claim support for your children (not from him but from the state). Stay put in the house you share, claim whatever you're entitled to and have a good review of what bills need to be paid when so that you can work out exactly how long your savings will last.

Talk to a solicitor too if you can find one that will give you half an hour free.

HappyMJ

poker21 wrote: »

yes, I've been told I should be claiming child tax credit and council tax benefit. Will do that next week

You have a child together....you hold all the cards...You can stay in this house until your children leave school. Sorting who pays the mortgage is difficult as if he does not pay it it will eventually be repossessed by the mortgage lender but it will destroy his credit rating and he loses all equity he has accrued in it as well.

fluffnutter

HappyMJ wrote: »

You have a child together....you hold all the cards...You can stay in this house until your children leave school. Sorting who pays the mortgage is difficult as if he does not pay it it will eventually be repossessed by the mortgage lender but it will destroy his credit rating and he loses all equity he has accrued in it as well.

I'm don't think they do. I think the OP has two children from a previous marriage which puts her in a less favourable position unfortunately.

The mortgage is my main concern, tbh.