Finding geeky/nerdy girls for dating...

OptimusNemesis

Hi all,

I've been lurking on this site for a while, reading posts and always using the info on here for finding good places for savings and so on.

I'm 32 and I've reached a point in my life where I'd really like to find that special someone. Unfortunately my line of work means that I don't get to get out there and meet new people as often as I'd like, so I've been looking at dating sites.

I've registered on free ones such as OKCupid and Brainiacdating and have been exchanging messages with some nice girls on there and have met a few on dates, but the problem for me is that they just didn't engage me on that level and I would really like to meet someone who has similar interests and hobbies to myself.

I'm quite a geeky person in that I like sci-fi/fantasy, reading lots of books on just about anything you can imagine, I love learning about things and also like the usual things like comics, tech and the like. I would really love to find a nice woman that maybe shares at least one or two of these interests.

The problem I'm having is that these sites do not seem to have anyone like that on them!

I guess I'm not stereotypically geeky in that I like who I am, am confident and am easy to talk to (I'm not terribly shy). I'm passionate and romantic too. Nice but also a bit naughty! ;-) I think I'm not too bad looking and I have met a few people on these things but not anyone I would say was particularly geeky or nerdy like me!

As well as the common interest, I really enjoy intelligent conversation - I love chatting to someone who can really captivate me with their knowledge or passion for something. For example, I had a great chat with someone a while back about her interest in Geology which I found fascinating. Sadly, she's already spoken for (typical! lol)!

Anyway, I appreciate this is in danger of turning into an essay (I guess I'm pouring my heart a little bit here, so apologise).

My question is, does anybody know of any sites or places that I may be able to stand a better chance of finding girls like this?

Like I said, I've already tried OKCupid and Brainiac Dating. I also tried Plenty Of Fish but really didn't enjoy my experience on there at all, to the point where I've since removed my profile. Also looked at Geek2Geek but I found few women in the UK and I was unconvinced of their geek status!

I don't mind considering a pay site although I'd like something where I could look first and weigh up the number of people that interest me vs. the cost of joining.

Any advice would be very much appreciated - particularly if you are geeky or nerdy yourself! :-)

By the way, if anybody would be interested in seeing my profile on the sites I've mentioned - please drop me a line and I'll send you the link! :-)

Look forward to your replies

- G

cottonhead

It just takes time I guess. I used a dating site and found my husband. We are too embarassed to admit it to most people but hey ! You will go through many dates before you click with someone so dont worry if it takes time. Its an important decision after all.
Do you belong to any clubs to do with sci fi or role play etc ? That way you will know for sure that any girls there are into the same thing so that helps straight away. I would consider joining some clubs. Even if you dont meet a girl you will have fun and make new mates !

Seanymph

why not move away from dating sites and try social media on other interest sites?

You say sci-fi and fantasy - plus reading books.

If you cast about you will almost certainly find a site with a book club set up looking at that sort of book.

It doesn't matter what interests you have, there always seem to be some platforms set up to cater to it.

That way you get to meet people (if you can call online meeting) with a common interest and you already will have stuff to talk about and engage on other than 'dating'.

Can you be involved in any vountary work in your field? It's not all handing out soup there is an endless amount of skill in demand - perhaps you could use your intellect in a setting other than your work and meeting a different group of people there? It doesn't matter if it's stone walling or cataloguing the library at a National Trust house or offering legal advice at a weekly drop it or doing a shift at the CAB or working for your particular political party or or or - it really is endless.

Depending upon where you pitch yourself you will meet people with a similar skill set.

I'd avoid the dating websites and go hang out in forums that have interesting people in them.

*Open University courses attract fairly driven and intelligently curious people*

lostinrates

What about meeting someone through one of those interests? Are you in any thing social (clab, association or whatever) to do with any of them.


Fwiw, we are about your age and my husband is a polymath (although he is a bit geeky too) but with one over riding interest (jazz). I too have lots of interests but one thats a bigger commitment than the rest (animals including horses). We met through some work in an area neither of us were that inepterested in in the music industry, we were essentially helping a mutual work friend. Since then i have obliged by singing jazz at home and i make supper for people who come round for jam session (neither of us work in the music industry now) and my husband has learned to ride horses. Tbh, he is more into horses than i am in some ways, and more than i am into jazz, but i appreciate its a huge part of his life and while i do not want to talk for hours about the techniques of old dead men i am perfectly happy to go to concerts and have jazz playing at home. This year he has been asked to play at two overseas festivals, and i am thrilled for him as he hasn't done something like that for a few years, i may go with him and enjoy it if i can.

So new interests may enter your life, or you might find someone who has a full plate of interests of her own that you can fill your time in individually and share somethin new together.

neneromanova

I would say join forums that interest you and get talking to random people on there. I met 2 of my ex's on a Final Fantasy forum and it was really fun. I made a couple of friends in the process as well

I'm very Geeky as well and luckily met my OH when we were working for the same IT company. Is there no one in your office/workplace that you could get to know?

hazyjo

Agree with above - online forums!

Also, try and make your paths cross with someone. My friend is obsessed with Gary Newman and was selling stuff on ebay. She got chatting with a buyer who wondered why on earth she was selling stuff (she had duplicates and was making space at home)... the rest is history. They've been together for around 10 years (she was in Essex, him in N. Ireland - they now live in Essex).

I was a bit geeky when it came to smart cars. Met a gorgeous geeky toyboy on there! Age and distance killed that one though...

Good luck. Let us know how you get on... I love a good love story

Jx

zcrat41

I met my husband through a dating website. Stick with it - there are loads of girls out there. I found the paying ones the best - keeps some of the drivel away. We met on muddymatches but thats quite a specific interest!

Best place I know where all the single intelligent girls hang out? There's an awful lot at the church I go to and they're all nice normal lovely girls.

Hermia

Have you got a Skeptics in the Pub group near you? They are generally groups for atheists and people who are into science. They are massive geek magnets and full of people who tend to share your interests.

I would agree with everyone else re: trying online forums. Also any local society that is a bit different or intellectual. Why has this gone all italic when I didn't choose italics! I would say it's as hard for geeky/nerdy women to meet men as well. I have met a few geeky/nerdy men who only wanted a woman who shared ALL their interests rather than having interests in the same general area. I have been told by men that I was not a proper geek/nerd because I don't particularly like comic books/computer games/whatever!

sophieschoice

If you're a twitter user, follow Brian Cox. He did a short interview from Australia (a clip of which is on twitter) and was asked whether it was better being a pop star (which he was once) or a geek. He said he thought being a pop star would get him the girls when, in fact, it was being a geek which brought them flooding in!
Ask him where the best places are!

TeamLowe

online forums is a great idea but also...
what's your taste in music like? i find the geeks in my life (self and DH included) like 'alternative' music, maybe go to a few local gigs?
also do you have any lady friends? maybe ask them if they have a shy friend they want to set up with you x

split_second

i am a great believer in do your own thing and find people that way, i'm the sort that everyone thought of as a geek type, apparently if you wear glasses and like alternative music thats the belief everyone gets......

best thing to do is once you know what your geek subject is, pursue it, there are loads of sci-fi things around if thats your thing, likewise films/cars etc.

plus the other thing to remember is going to pubs/clubs isnt the way to find geek types, i have only ever dated a handful of what i would consider none-geeks, most thought i was a mosher and the only one that thought alternative music was cool is becoming mrs split second in 2 years

proper geek types dont do going out to drink at mainstream places on weekends, they can be quite elusive and also once you find one and get into the social circle there are many more