Don't know what to do

Better_Off_1983

I would have dumped him like a cold bag of sick a long time ago. He sounds very passive aggressive.

emtsuj

Better_Off_1983 wrote: »

I would have dumped him like a cold bag of sick a long time ago. He sounds very passive aggressive.

Lol that made me smile, thanks.

He wasn't like this to begin with, he was really lovely but it seems to be something we've fallen into.

emtsuj

spirit wrote: »

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001930/

ring any bells?

I hadn't really thought of him this way to be honest, it always felt more like a power struggle really. It's definitely something to think about but I'll need to read up on it.

Bit worried that I can see some of my own traits there though:o

Better_Off_1983

I am glad you saw the funny side... I only saw your original post and just scrolled down to reply. I have now seen the general consensus of the other posters.

Things are always great when you first start seeing someone, that is becoming a bit of a cliche!

How long have you been together, I just scanned the messages, has it only been a year? At this point, you should be all loved up... still!

x

emtsuj

Better_Off_1983 wrote: »

I am glad you saw the funny side... I only saw your original post and just scrolled down to reply. I have now seen the general consensus of the other posters.

Things are always great when you first start seeing someone, that is becoming a bit of a cliche!

How long have you been together, I just scanned the messages, has it only been a year? At this point, you should be all loved up... still!

x

We've been together since shortly after I left my ex approx 2 years ago so it's been quite sometime now.
I'm not expecting hearts and flowers all the time, I'm too old and cynical for that! I just expect some consideration to be shown towards my needs not just his.

He has now said that as he likes to retreat into himself when he's ill, we just have different ideas on how to deal with sickness. I've asked him why, when he knew I needed some support, he still didn't come round and he is once again getting defensive and saying that I'm trying to get him to admit he was wrong.

Of course it would be great if he could see that he did let me down when I needed him but in all honesty at the moment I would settle for a greater understanding of why he thinks the way he does. All I get back is that he wasn't going to walk and that he's already told me what he thought. He still thinks I wouldn't pick him up because I wanted to punish him.:(

emtsuj

I've asked him whether he would like to take a couple of days out so that we can both have a think about whether there is any way forward for us, whether we can work towards a greater understanding. I've said that I don't want to mither him and that I'm not trying to criticize or control.

His response is that I should 'think what you expect of me then I will know what I need to do'

I am trying to be less confrontational, I'm trying to give him space and I'm trying to get him to open up but it doesn't seem to be working?

267

FBaby wrote: »

<snip> so I am not too sure why the fact you don't agree with me either has given you the right to reply aggressively

ok, I'll bite. Where in the post you quoted from me was the aggression?

unless you have issues with accepting your opinions being challenged.

Challenge them all you like, it still won't change the fact you are entirely wrong on this occasion.

Just as your continued defense of his and your partners behaviour won't make it right.

emtsuj

Another week of text contact telling me I'm the love of his life, that we were meant to be together and he'll never love anyone like he loves me.

Another week of not coming round because he has a lot going on that I should appreciate, that he needs to sort his house out just in case he has to sell it.

He sends some lovely texts but then puts the phone down on me because I'm lecturing him.

Emmzi

talk is cheap. action takes effort.

spirit

He's got you dangling on a string waiting til he's done this, that and the third thing.

are you prepared to put up with that? Sometimes it's easier to hang on to the devil you know rather than risk being on your own again.

I get the impression that you know that you needn't settle for that. i don't think that your expectations are too high or unreasonable.

The way I see it, you can bumble along as you are in a dysfunctional relationship or call time and move on.