I've no-one to talk to....

kelpie35

With this being a BH weekend is there any chance you go back to where you came from and visit family and friends?

Even if you manage to get away from the house and be among people you used to get on with.

Can you not go and stay with your brothers or sister for a few days?

I know you say that money is very tight but I am sure if you could phone family members and let them know how you are feeling they would surely try to help you.

MissMonkeyMoo

FatVonD wrote: »

Re the thrush, my husband suffers from it but as more of an intestinal thing and he's found that drinking those Yakult things has cleared it where all the medication in the world didn't. I know yours is slightly different but it might be worth a try?

Great idea or you could try taking Acidophilus capsules - you can get them from most health food shops.

weeze210

FatVonD wrote: »

OP, many years ago I had a bit of a meltdown because everything had just got too much for me, my son was being bullied, I was moving house and terrified my buyer was going to pull out, I was under pressure at work and I'd just ended a relationship.

Eventually I went to my GP and dissolved into tears and he said that everyone has a breaking point for stress and that I'd just reached mine. There was no shame in admitting it was all getting too much for me, you need to see your doctor and you need to remove these things that are stressing you out one at a time. Your son is your priority then move on to the bathroom, if you decide that you need to move back home it will need to be done in order for you to sell or rent the house. If you decide to stay it needs to be done for your sanity

Re the thrush, my husband suffers from it but as more of an intestinal thing and he's found that drinking those Yakult things has cleared it where all the medication in the world didn't. I know yours is slightly different but it might be worth a try?

Tried eating live yogurt for months and also tried some pills from the health food shop, neither had any effect.

weeze210

kelpie35 wrote: »

With this being a BH weekend is there any chance you go back to where you came from and visit family and friends?

Even if you manage to get away from the house and be among people you used to get on with.

Can you not go and stay with your brothers or sister for a few days?

I know you say that money is very tight but I am sure if you could phone family members and let them know how you are feeling they would surely try to help you.

Me and my son are off "back home" on saturday. My son is going to stay with a friend and I'm off out for lunch with 2 of my sisters, a friend and my mom. I'll be staying at my moms and she'll expect me to drive to the resturant. Whenever I go over she never offers to drive even though I've just driven 2hrs from Wales to drop my son off at his friends then to her house. She just asumes that because my engine is running I might as well drive to the resturant and back, another 40 mins each way. I'll stay overnight at hers and then if I go anywhere before picking my son up to come back she'll tag along and expect me to drive. Its my sisters birthday and all she'll go on about is what her "beloved" is going to buy her and their upcoming very expensive holiday. I don't know why I'm going really, hopefully just a change of scenery and a shower will cheer me up well untill I get back!

Mojisola

weeze210 wrote: »

Me and my son are off "back home" on saturday. My son is going to stay with a friend and I'm off out for lunch with 2 of my sisters, a friend and my mom. I'll be staying at my moms and she'll expect me to drive to the resturant. Whenever I go over she never offers to drive even though I've just driven 2hrs from Wales to drop my son off at his friends then to her house. She just asumes that because my engine is running I might as well drive to the resturant and back, another 40 mins each way. I'll stay overnight at hers and then if I go anywhere before picking my son up to come back she'll tag along and expect me to drive. Its my sisters birthday and all she'll go on about is what her "beloved" is going to buy her and their upcoming very expensive holiday. I don't know why I'm going really, hopefully just a change of scenery and a shower will cheer me up well untill I get back!

I can see a theme here - with your OH and family.

You have a voice - "Sorry, Mum, I've just driven all the way from Wales. You drive to the restaurant."

choccybuttons

Hi

Iv found even just having dh work away makes me a little depressed on an evening. First I would say give yourself some time. I have moved many times and it always takes 6+ months just to start feeling a little comfortable.

I would say for your own sanity join any group going whether you have an interest or not. It gets your face known and even if you don't make close friends, just getting out of the house makes a world of difference.

I struggle making friends as dh is the loud bubbly one, I just get all nervous. Iv only really made friends though working as the whole being friends with other parents didn't work for me esp since most of them had grown up together anyway.

XYZ1000

When you was thinking about moving to where you are now, did you not think about the area and how quiet and miles away from everything it would be? How did you picture your life was going to be? It must of looked good surely for you to move?
I would feel rubbish to if I had no bathroom. agree with everyone that you really need to get your man to sort asap.
Re your son he sounds quite normal to me! I have a 14 year old who would of quite happy sat on his xbox 24/7 at that age. Now I can't keep him home he is so busy. I got him involved in a few youth clubs and football on the weekend. It is probably just hormones aswell as adjusting to a new change..
Why don't you two get some bikes and go get some exercise together. Or swim/ or whatever. You are just going to have to be created yourselves if there isn't much around to entertain you.
In the meantime think more about what makes you happy and if you should look at moving back to where you was happier.

weeze210

I don't mind spending time on my own, I quiet like being alone but not all the time. When we moved the idea was that hubby was going to work at the bike school friday, saturday and sunday and possibly a day in the week and then he'd be here during most of the week so we'd be able to do the house up quiet quickly. It hasn't worked out like that as I've said before he is away being an electrician all week in Liverpool and then comes home and works at the bike school all weekend for a few quid.
He came home last night, had his tea then dissapeared to his workshop to clean a bike and get his kit ready, that I had washed and dried! Then it was bedtime. He could have stayed in Liverpool working today but instead chose to do a bike school instead. The proper job pays about 3x what bike school pays. He'll be home tonight as he has to take the dog with him tomorrow as I'm going back home but have to take the dog to the vet for a check up today otherwise he would have taken the dog today and stayed there all weekend. This is what normally happens when there are bike schools all weekend. I don't think he's working monday so I'll be putting my foot down hopefully about the bathroom. He realised I was upset this morning and said it won't always be like this and there will be some kind of job for me when it all gets sorted with the bike school and he is working full time there. He asked if I still love him and I said "at the moment no" he stood looking thoughtful for a couple of minutes and then said "bye" and left. I'm now going to phone the Dr and take the dog for a walk then to the vets. Got appointment to see son's teacher at 1 o'clock. Not sure what to expect but hopefully I won't cry.

Doctors appointment at 9.30.

19lottie82

Good luck OP x

euronorris

Oh OP, a lot of what you have written has resonated with me.

I'm glad you are going to the GP. I think a referral to a counseller and having someone to talk these things through with will help you so much. I know it has been helping me immensely.

It's helped me to recognise that I am a people pleaser. Partly because I want the people in my live to be happy, and partly because I hate it when people are upset with me. It hurts me and I feel so guilty. I put so much value on other's peoples feelings and completely neglect my own. And I think you are doing the same here.

It's difficult at first, but you can make some positive changes to improve things, change your own bad habits and value your own feelings more.

I had to do it, and there have been issues, and OH wasn't being terribly supportive. He's had his own stresses, and suffers with anxiety in social situations, so he just kinda locked himself in his own little protective bubble, playing on the computer, refusing to go out etc. Not healthy for him, and made things worse for me.

I plucked up the courage to stand up for myself over some issues a few times, but it didn't seem to really sink in to him how bad I was feeling, and how much things needed to change. Too wrapped up in himself and his own problems. I always seemed to give in and go along with what he wanted, to keep him happy, and disregarded my own feelings. Tried to convince myself I was happy with it too, and everyone else, even people on here (which I feel so silly about).

Things came to a head this week and I finally said enough, I'm leaving, I can't do this anymore I feel so alone, and I'm beginning to think we want different things. This appears to have been his wake up call, and we have been talking A LOT over the last few days, and he's already started to follow through on some of the promises made (he's been doing the housework with a smile on his face (rather than moaning and pouting), we went for a walk last night after work (something he had previously refused to do) and we both enjoyed it). He recognises that he let things continue, and be pushed to one side when he shouldn't have. And he's accepted that I have made a h*ll of a lot of sacrafices for him already, and now it's time for me to have some of the things that will make me happy (these aren't material, to be clear). And, it seems that he's reconsidered Marriage in the last 6 months or so, and is happy to do this now because he recognises how important it is to me, even if it the peice of paper doesn't mean a great deal to him. This is something I tried to convince myself and others of, that I didn't want. That isn't true. It is important to me. I'm not going to rush in and do it, with things as they are, but to know he now wants it too and will do it is huge for me.

So I'm feeling more positive now. And I'm taking a weekend out in the UK, with my family, so I can recharge my batteries and get a little space for both of us to think about things and how we will move forward together. He'll also be clearing out a lot his junk from the flat that is cluttering the place up and driving me crazy!!!

But none of this would've happened if I hadn't said something, and stood up for myself, and continue to stand up for myself (I'm very wary of just relaxing too much about it and things would then quickly go back to how they were). I think you need to learn how to value your own feelings, and stand up for yourself too. It was scary, but well worth it.

Oh yes, and I turned to my friends and family for support, to talk things through with them and they have been so, so, so wonderful. Far better than I ever expected. But again, they could only do that when they knew there was a problem and I needed their help. You have to reach out to them and tell them. If you sit and expect things, without talking, you will be left permanently disappointed and feeling less and less loved which isn't going to help things.

I hope this doesn't sound too much about me, I just wanted you to have an example so you know that a) you're not alone and b) you can change things for the better.

The doctor's appt is a good first step. For you, and your son's sake, I would suggest that you take him and yourself off out for a walk once he's home from school. Get some fresh air, get some exercise, and get out of the house! Believe me, it will help. It won't fix everything, obviously, but it is a good first step.

Secondly, I would start looking at local groups in your area. Hobbies that your interested in where you could meet like minded people, or get on the meetup.com website to meet other new people in your area and make some friends.

And your husband....he needs to step up and start taking a more pro-active and supportive role. And you need to tell him that, and how bad things are for you. He can work on getting the bathroom fixed this weekend, and after that, he can start looking for another job. Sorry, but that other place has messed him around. November is too far away to wait for a permanent, steady source of income. And IF that job ever does materialise, he can always leave whatever job he has found in the meantime. But he needs to start making decisions that are best for the whole family, and not just him. Otherwise, I would suggest he can go back to being single, as that is the only way his decisions would be acceptable IMO. But, if you haven't voiced how unhappy you are, he probably thinks everything's OK and you're happy to go along with things. It's time to speak up!

Good luck.