I've no-one to talk to....

weeze210

19lottie82 wrote: »

I'd be very suprised if your sons school didn't run some kind of school holiday club.

No wonder you're depressed sitting in the house all day yourself, I think most people would feel that way. I've said it already but I really think if you got a p/t job you'd feel a lot better about things. Your self esteem would improve, you'd get to meet new people, make new friends and have some extra cash to treat yourself and your son. Go for it!

There aren't many jobs here, add in the cost of travelling and childcare and I don't think I could earn enough. I could only get a very low paid job if any at all.

weeze210

traleegirl wrote: »

If I were you I would go back home to your family, find a little house for you and BOTH your children and go back to work.
Let your husband sort out the mess he has created in Wales......how can a man rip out the bathroom in the family home knowing he won't have time to repair it?

I have no money. The house we gave up was mine and paid for by an insurance pay out when I had cancer.
I do love my husband but I think I have made a huge mistake giving everything up. I feel so guilty.

19lottie82

weeze210 wrote: »

There aren't many jobs here, add in the cost of travelling and childcare and I don't think I could earn enough. I could only get a very low paid job if any at all.

Have you looked?

Your son is at school, you would only have to cover childcare during the holidays, and usually schools provide this for a reasonable amount.

If you can't get a job then do as another poster suggested and try some volunteering.

I know things are hard at the moment OP, and I don't mean to sound harsh but you really need to want to help yourself, if you really want things to improve, shoudl you stay in Wales.

YORKSHIRELASS

I have an 11yo too, and times have been tough for us recently so I have lots of sympathy. Sometimes in life one disaster follows another and you reach a point where its just all too much.

I think your husband needs to take some weight off your shoulders. I think he should be try to help with your son as I dont think you are in the right place to deal with this at the moment. Yes things have been really bad for you but your priority needs to be getting yourself some help so that you can cope a bit better. This may mean medication or counselling or maybe both but I think you need to tell your GP that you are really struggling. Most GPs are very sympathetic and you never know what help is available until you ask.

Some people have to face some really awful things in life and you cant change that - what you can change is how you deal with it and I think (quite understandably) that you need a bit of help with this.

I also think that if you can get yourself feeling a bit stronger your son will be happier too. I have no doubt some of your unhappiness is rubbing off on him, you shouldnt feel guilty about that, its not your fault but you should try really hard to get some help for both of your sakes.

Try not to dwell on the past, try and make things better for the future and I really really wish you luck.

And see, you do have people to talk to!

Fridaycat

I don't live a million miles away from you, weeze210, and have visited Lake Vrynwy many times over the years. Beautiful as it is, I can empathise with how lonely it may be to live there and can also see how you would struggle to find employment - it's not exactly like there are loads of shops or anything!

Having said that, we are approaching the key tourist season and this may open up some opportunities for you on a temporary basis? Perhaps opportunities you may not have known about in the winter months? Perhaps there may be a local teenager could baby-sit in the school hols?

weeze210

I really started this thread as I'd just made an appointment with my son's school and his teacher happed to answer the phone so had a brief chat about my concerns. It turns out that the teacher had noticed too and also has concerns that he is very disinterested in everything. This is what he's like at home and I'm really worried about him. What if he's depressed? What can I do? He loved school to start with and even said he wanted to "go back home but take his new school with him!" Its only since easter that he's changed. He never wants to go anywhere or do anything. There are kids outside playing football but he doesn't want to go out and join in. I even suggested that I'd go out with him. One lad did used to come and ask if he wanted to go out and play football or on his bike but my son always said he was busy, "maybe later", but never went out. The lad doesn't bother knocking the door anymore. My husband has tried several times to get him interested in riding a motorbike and has tried to teach him but he doesn't want to know. He says its "boring".
I've tried to make arrandements for him to go to his new friends house but as he gets a free bus to and from school I don't see the other parents. I've asked my son to get phone numbers but he just says he forgot. I want to help him but everything costs money, especially fuel and we're in the middle of no-where. There are only 49 houses and a handfull of children. Maybe when he goes to the high school in september he'll make more friends and have something in common with a few more of the kids here?
I am really struggling and don't know how to get some umph to start to sorti all out? I am on the verge of giving up, its all to hard

balletshoes

weeze210 wrote: »

19lottie82 wrote: »

Hi OP, sorry to hear things are rough for you at the moment, it doesn't sound much fun.

I'm not meaning to sound judgemental but can i just ask, why did your OH quit a job and ship the family to another country, when he didn't have another secure job lined up? It doesn't really make sense......
Put your foot down w ur OH re the bathroom. Having to go use an outside loo because he CBA to finish off his DIY is NOT acceptable. QUOTE]

We thought the job was lined up but the other partner in the buisness has put her foot down and employed her brother-in-law as he lost his job at the same time. The buisness is undergoing changes at the mo and the other partner is going to be leaving in November hence the new full time position will become available.
Re the CBA about the bathroom he is working all week and then at bike school all weekend so doesn't have time.

thats a crap excuse, sorry. He ripped the bathroom out, he found time to do that, so he needs to find the time to put the new one in. So he takes a weekend off bike school to do it, this month (he really doesn't owe them anything you know, they have shown little loyalty to him, suggesting there was a job going and then giving it to someone else). Theres no way in hell he should be expecting you to put up with living in a building site when he doesn't (as he's working away) especially since it was his idea to make the house a building site in the first place!

You do sound depressed, you need to see your GP and tell them everything thats going on and everything that you're feeling.

topsyturphy

Hi

I didnt want to read and run. I got married nearly 2 years ago and moved 200 miles away from where I lived. My ds was 10 at the time. It was really hard for both of us, then he moved to high school, which due my ds dyslexia, he travels to a specialised unit in a high school which takes about an hour each way. It got to the stage where he wouldn't leave the house said he had no friends etc. He has now joined the local scout group in the next village and has just spent a weekend on camp, he was a bit reluctant to go at first, but I just asked him to try it, they are a very active group and do lots of different things and he really enjoys it.

It took me at least 18 months to settle here, I did join a local craft group which met once a week in a morning, this kept me sane intially. I walk the dog and have met up with a group of ladies who walk at the same time each day. I have a part time job in a local school for 2 days a week which I started last September. At the weekends, I try and take ds out somewhere usually free or just even for a milkshake at the local cafe. I still havent found friends like I hd at home but it does take a long time to make really good friends.

I would say as others have go and see your Gp and tell them how you are feeling. Also try and make a list of at least 1 good thing that happens everyday, then try and increase it.

Take care and try and keep your chin up, very difficult sometimes though I know.

balletshoes

oh, meant to add, you are helping your son you know, by going into school tomorrow to see his teacher and have a chat.

and, don't be afraid to call your relatives/close friends - they may not be in touch with you as much as they were when you all lived close, but they are your family/friends, you consider them to be a close family to you and I'm sure they'd listen if you just picked up the phone and talked to them about how you're feeling.

Spendless

There's a BH w/end coming up for your DH to sort out the bathroom. If that's not enough notice then there's a longer one at the beginning of June. He needs to tell the motorbike place he won't be working that sat whilst he sorts the bathroom out. If that means you are down on income, then eat out of your cupboards for a few days. There are threads all over this forum to help you with that.

Ask if there is support available for your son via his school. That they have noticed too is a good thing, you can then work together at raising self-esteem.