Am I wrong?

dont_know_2

amus wrote: »

Just out of interst though, why could she not afford to go to her daughters wedding last year, but she can afford to put towards the other daughters wedding this year? I would be upset if I was the eldest. Or did she contribute towards that wedding aswell?

her eldest daughter wanted to get married abroad and during school time and the dates off work were unavailable to us, + was way out our budget

dont_know_2

londonsurrey wrote: »

Maybe you can trust her with your life, but she's ALREADY demonstrated to you that you can't trust her with your money and your heart.

Her attitude to your money is that you should subsidise her. She may not be wrong, if you both agree that the role of the man is to pay for the woman, and if he's not willing to do it, she'll find another man.

There are all kinds of people and relationships in this world. It's entirely up to you what you choose to opt for. However, it is a mistake to not understand what you're looking at, which seems to be a woman who is willing to do all sorts to stand by her man (her being good to you at the beginning of the relationship), and this same woman subscribes to the "traditional" view that the man pays for stuff.

i'm not paying for anything of hers, we always split everything fairly,
i just let her use my credit card to help her get set up in her new place, she will pay it off eventually, she's had my card for a few years.

Mojisola

dont_know wrote: »

i'm not paying for anything of hers, we always split everything fairly,
i just let her use my credit card to help her get set up in her new place, she will pay it off eventually, she's had my card for a few years.

You do know that you're breaking the bank's T&Cs if you give someone else your PIN?

If your card is ever used fraudulently, the bank will not reimburse you any of the lost money.

londonsurrey

I don't know what you want us to say other than she's a lovely caring person who is totally trustworthy in all respects and all the incidents with money, dates, etc were anomalies that don't have anything to do with her using you.

dont_know_2

londonsurrey wrote: »

I don't know what you want us to say other than she's a lovely caring person who is totally trustworthy in all respects and all the incidents with money, dates, etc were anomalies that don't have anything to do with her using you.

put like that she does sound bad!
she always asked to use the card, she went on a date when we were apart, which did upset me, but don't expect her to sit in.

just peeved that she can now plan an holiday with her mates but wouldn't with me and our kids.
she's always been good to us all up to then,
her words not mine were its the menopause, which she is going through and she's had a taste of the single life.

londonsurrey

dont_know wrote: »

put like that she does sound bad!
she always asked to use the card, she went on a date when we were apart, which did upset me, but don't expect her to sit in.

just peeved that she can now plan an holiday with her mates but wouldn't with me and our kids.
she's always been good to us all up to then,
her words not mine were its the menopause, which she is going through and she's had a taste of the single life.

Maybe she has changed. We all have boundaries that we don't cross in keeping with our personal morality. For instance, I could go out and start shoplifting tomorrow, I simply choose not to.

Her blaming it on the menopause is ironically an immature thing to do, as it is her not accepting personal responsibility for the choices she's now making.

Basically, it sounds that there is a new facet to her that you hadn't seen before, and it's not a good one.

dont_know_2

londonsurrey wrote: »

Maybe she has changed. We all have boundaries that we don't cross in keeping with our personal morality. For instance, I could go out and start shoplifting tomorrow, I simply choose not to.

Her blaming it on the menopause is ironically an immature thing to do, as it is her not accepting personal responsibility for the choices she's now making.

Basically, it sounds that there is a new facet to her that you hadn't seen before, and it's not a good one.

I'd have agreed with you 2 months ago, but having read up and spoke to a close friend, the menopause can be quite traumatic, and she is going through it, hence me cutting her some slack because i love her so much.
All in vane in the end, she does still say she will pay the debt off, and despite the arguments i believe she will even though we are finished.