Am I wrong?

Idiophreak

dont_know wrote: »

We are usually quite well at being a family, I don't want to give the impression of us fighting all the time

Being a family's much more than just not fighting, though...it's about unity...and I just can't see any here.

The wedding's important to your partner's daughter...shouldn't that make it important to you?

The wedding's important to your partner...shouldn't that make it important to you?

Is your partner not your family? Shouldn't what's best for the *family* be more important than what's best for "your" boys?

It really seems like she's spent *her* money on *her* family, so you want to spend *your* money on *your* family, only you consider *your* family to be you and your boys. Sorry, but I'm with everyone else who thinks this is nuts.

You're living together, you're raising children together, yet you're not buying in to the family dynamic...I can see why both you and your partner are frustrated - I just don't think you're on the same page at all.

Emmarillo

It's really hard to say, but I don't believe your family is dysfunctional. Every family has to handle things differently, whether that is due to different needs, finance, or work commitments.

My daughters friend spends a lot of time with us,and one thing that she talks about A LOT is the fact that she never sees her dad on his own - his new partner and her children are always there. She likes them but the amount she talks about it makes me think this upsets her. So, going on this, I think it would be nice for you to spend some quality time with your boys doing boy things and your partner can spend some time alone with her daughter having some girly quality time (I'm not saying you don't usually).

Is there any chance you can have a short break together, maybe camping or a cheap travelodge break at the seaside, or maybe a day trip to France or something?

the_cat

I thought the whole point of a holiday was to spend quality time together as a family?

If you can't all afford to go, then what is the point?

I would be looking for either a cheaper holiday which you could all go on, or to plan a 'holiday from home' with day trips and treats up to the value of what you are planning on spending for the 3 of you

peachyprice

I don't think you're in the wrong at all.

Your OH is choosing to spend her time and money on wedding planning, it seems to me like the perfect opportunity for you to take your boys away on holiday and be able to do things that you wouldn't normally do with the girls in tow.

However, this is coming from someone who has a less than traditional to holidays. We've had holidays as a couple, holidays where we've taken just our daughter, holidays where we've taken just my boys and this year I'm taking the three children without my OH. It's whatever works that particular year.

I really don't see why it has to be all go or none go. And I don't see why your boys should miss out on quality time with you just because their step sister is getting married. I may think differently if they lived with you, but they don't so any time you spend with them is precious.

CH27

I don't think you are being unfair. It's not as though you've booked two weeks away.
Why should your boys miss a short holiday spending some quality time doing boy things because their step sister is getting married.

FBaby

I personally don't buy this whole 'family together' when it comes to recomposed family. A recomposed family cannot be compared with one with mum and dad together. It comes with restrictions whether one member of the couple likes it or not.

On that basis, at least in theory, I don't think you are doing anything wrong with wanting to take your sons away on holiday without her and her kids if she can't afford it... however, I do think it should be balanced out. If she doesn't join you on this holiday, will you be able maybe to spend one long week-end together, just you and her? Could you choose a cheaper destination? Why wasn't all this discussed earlier in the year?

lilymay1

Peacyprice has put it really well. Families, just like married couples, don't need to spend every second of every day together.

Take your boys on holiday and enjoy it.

QuackQuackOops

I cant believe how unbelievably selfish you are being!

You have a daughter living with you both and she is going to feel extremely left out not being invited on holiday with her live in father figure.

You talk about "your boys" and "her girls".....you ought to be talking about "our children"......and realise that you both want the best for all of them.

You seem to be unable to compromise and have rushed out, done what you want to do and not given a minutes thought to your partner or the daughter who lives with you.....shame on you.

VfM4meplse

lilymay1 wrote: »

Families, just like married couples, don't need to spend every second of every day together.

It's the strict separation of finances and paying for their own offspring only that indicates division in this case, and I think many of us on this board find it a strange way of doing things.

lilymay1

VfM4meplse wrote: »

It's the strict separation of finances and paying for their own offspring only that indicates division in this case, and I think many of us on this board find it a strange way of doing things.

But who are we to comment on how parents choose to spend their money? This family clearly have a system that usually works for them and we only have a very brief version of events. We don't know the specifics of how finances are distributed.

Perhaps the boys want to spend time alone with their father? Or are they not allowed to do that?