Am I wrong?

Mojisola

quantumleap wrote: »

I think splitting up over something like this is silly to be perfectly honest. You are both very fortunate to have found something special and to throw it away over something that is resolvable is, in my opinion, foolish.

Yes, it is a significant problem but one that you both have to sit down and discuss like adults. I don't think either of you have handled this particularly brilliantly. Her for insisting that you sons accept less because she can't go and you for going ahead and booking it without making every attempt to come to an arrangement with your partner (which would have allowed for you to book something because I do agree that you are not in the wrong for wanting to give your sons a holiday).

So you both need to sit down, accept things are the way they are this time around but resolve to ensure that lessons are learned on both sides, and that nothing like this will happen again.

It's rare for people to break up over one incident. It's more likely that there were problems before and this was the final straw.

peachyprice

dont_know wrote: »

as ive said, she says its a definite no in july when my holidays are, but could do sept on our own.
i feel i must treat my kids, the same as i expect my "partner" to do hers, usually it all falls in place, but now its hit a brick wall.
i love her to bits, but she says ive ruined it as "us as a family" and can never be right again.
really gutted, but kids come first

Good for you for sticking up for your boys and putting them first above a grown woman who should know better. Far too many parents would have caved just to keep the peace with their new partner.

To be honest, if that's all it took for you to "ruin us as a family" it doesn't sound as if she was taking your sons fully on board. I understand she wants to do the best for her daughters, but that can't be a the expense of you wnating to do the best for your sons.

As for those painting a picture of the poor little 16yo not getting a holiday or a wedding, she has her own father, perhaps he can do something for her and I doubt very much that her idea of fun is spending a week with her young step brothers and step dad.

miss_hh

I think there must have been deeper issues if you split over this.

jellyhead

No, you're not selfish. I hope you have a lovely holiday with your boys, who you said are unlikely to get a holiday with their mum.

In our family we sometimes have separate holidays. My husband has a hobby and his friends for short shoestring holidays sometimes, and usually takes my eldest child with him. I take the youngest to the seaside on the train, and have taken the youngest away for a few days of camping with other family members before, and left husband and eldest at home.

It's nice to have a family holiday together, but it's not the end of the world if sometimes part of the family does something without the other part.

dont_know_2

Read a couple of posts saying there is more to it,
That's not the case, she's a lovely woman who usually does anything for anyone, hence why I love her.
Seems daft me defending her in this thread though,
But no, we were perfectly happy before this

dont_know_2

well 2 months on, we have both moved into new homes.
still see each other most days, i was still trying to keep the relationship alive despite several arguments.
i helped her move her things, let her use my credit card to buy new things inc a new tv,
the money she's loaned to buy stuff for her new place which she only had to buy because she wanted out of our last home after forcing me out is double what it would have cost for an holiday with me in the 1st place!
and how does she thank me?
i just found out she's been out on a couple of dates, spent a weekend away with 1 and planning on going away to spain with her mates soon, and she still begrudges me taking my boys away?
its all down to her menopause according to her, personally i just think she's a selfish cow now, but still cant stop loving her

Lotus-eater

dont_know wrote: »

its all down to her menopause according to her, personally i just think she's a selfish cow now, but still cant stop loving her

Personally, I think you need a kick up the arris.

She's chosen her life, so, so should you. Carry on without her and get a new life.

dont_know_2

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Personally, I think you need a kick up the arris.

She's chosen her life, so, so should you. Carry on without her and get a new life.

keep trying to, but she says she still wants me in her life, i wanted to be too, thats why i tried to help her.

dont_know_2

Angelic wrote: »

You loan her money and are "back up" , of course she still wants you in her life!

Seriously , she has moved on and is even dating so it's time to give up and go No contact.

i have not loaned it, its loaned in my name,she will pay it back (i hope!)
i'm struggling to get spending money for my holiday, i wont borrow money for that,
she dated when we fell out for a few days, pass on what happened.
we both still love each other, i know that for sure, just feeling used and a tad peeved that she would get into even more debt for a girly weeks holiday but not for the now defunct family.
CC is now cancelled anyway.

londonsurrey

It sounds like she wanted you to give more, whilst keeping her money as hers.

If she'd actually wanted to renegotiate the way contributions worked, i.e. you subsidise her holiday this year, and then she gives more in following years, e.g. when your boys go to college or get married, then she could have simply said so.

Instead, she threw a complete wobbly, and broke up with you.

You can love someone who doesn't respect you. Even if she is lovely to everyone else, if you're unlucky enough to be the one she feels "safe" with, you could be the only person that she's not a doormat to, and the only person she treats badly.

It's up to you to ensure that you get treated fairly, as she's definitely not watching out for you. Good luck with it all.