Am I wrong?

Mara69

I'm not surprised you are both on your second relationship! Why couldn't you have contributed to the daughter's wedding, giving you both a bit more spare cash then have a cheaper, shorter break in the UK with your boys? Compromise is the key to a long and happy relationship.

Seanymph

My children visit with their father during the summer for two weeks (mostly!) and they go to see HIM. They would LOVE his new partner and her kids to be happily occupied doing something else of importance to them and have their father to themselves for two weeks.

They get fed up having his 'new' family forced down their throats, and they go to spend time with their dad - they'd love him to take them away.

If your new partner and her kids had nothing doing then I can see how that would be unfair if you took money from the 'family' to take your children on holiday but not hers.

But if she's taking money from the 'family pot' to pay towards her daughters wedding, her other child is attending and excited and they are having a great time then I see no problem with your children benefitting by your undivided attention for two weeks.

I spend time alone with my kids on their own, with them together, with OH's kids on their own...... and I make sure he sees his son alone because that's important too, and the son doesn't always want me tagging along.

You do not need to hot house some 'family' idyll by forcing people to do everything together all the time - this year my OH is working during the Summer holidays and I'm taking my children AND one of his on holiday for a week - then his is off with other people for a week and I'm carrying on just with mine. On this basis we should hot foot it home because we will be holidaying alone.

I think the OP has every right to holiday alone with his children - and his children will do nothing but benefit from it.

FBaby

I cant believe how unbelievably selfish you are being!

Why assume that the only way a recomposed family can work is by pretending to be a 'normal' family.

You have a daughter living with you both and she is going to feel extremely left out not being invited on holiday with her live in father figure.

Who says he acts as a father figure? Maybe she has a dad she is very close to and doesn't need a second one. My kids don't consider my partner their dad. Rightly so, he isn't. That doesn't mean we can't live happily together.

You talk about "your boys" and "her girls".....you ought to be talking about "our children"......and realise that you both want the best for all of them.

Totally disagree. Why should they? It's not because they got together that they automatically become parent to the other's children. You don't stop being the main carer to your children because you move in with someone. She has responsibility for her children, he has responsibility for his. What matters is they find a way to make it work for all of them, that's not forceably by acting like they share all their children.

You seem to be unable to compromise and have rushed out, done what you want to do and not given a minutes thought to your partner or the daughter who lives with you.....shame on you.

And so has she with the wedding it would seem. You are being all one sided. How fair would it be for HIS boys not to go on holiday with their dad because their step-mum has spent all her money on the wedding of HER daughter, someone for all we know they hardly know.

My partner and I have a close relationship, but as stated above, that doesn't mean we feel obliged to do absolutely everything together. He continues to go skiing with his mates every year. I'd rather go with him, but i know it means a lot to him. I continue to spend some time with my children alone as we used to. Non only does my partner not throw a tantrum over it, but he understands that it is important for my kids and I to have some time for ourselves. We also share a holiday all together every year.

Not all recomposed families operate the same. What the OP and his partner have done wrong is not discussing holiday/wedding plans together much sooner in the year.

74jax

dont_know wrote: »

I want to take my 2 boys away but she cant afford to go in july when the kids break up,

there's no way i could afford to pay for her and her daughter so i booked for the 3 of us, just for 5 nights away,
now we have not spoken for 2 days.

I am not sure in your position I would have gone ahead and booked the holiday when you knew her feelings on the subject.

Could you have maybe gone somewhere else that she could afford? However there's no point in asking this now as you've gone ahead and done it. So if you want me to say I don't think you were selfish i'm not sure I can.

I have a DD and so am limited to school holidays too for holidays with her. Last year myself and DD went away ourselves without my OH, however this was with his blessing and he really didn't mind (mainly because he was off with a pal for a week a couple of weeks later), but my point is I don't think a holiday just you and the two boys is selfish IF your OH is in agreement. Clearly she wanted to be able to go away or she wouldn't have been upset.

I would be furious if my OH had asked me to go away, i'd expressed i wasn't keen on the idea and he went ahead and booked it anyway. It would be as though my opinion/thoughts don't matter.

Gigervamp

Will the boys not be going on holiday this year with their mother?

ognum

I think you and your partner need to sit down and talk.

You need to both think about your life together and your life apart, by this I mean the two of you as a couple and your allegiances to your children.

What you have seems much like a buisness partnership with sex rather than a union of two people.

Could you not have had a conversation saying I know things are really expensive for you because of your daughters wedding and I understand your need to help her out but if you could save a small amount of money I have some money and we could get a cottage away together for the whole family? You have to work out how to maintain relationships with your partner as well as your children.

Having only lived in a relationship where we throw everything into one pot and discuss how it is spent I really find the competitive nature of your finances difficult to fathom.

Please sit and talk and try to resolve things so they don't happen again!

onlyroz

My response would depend on the sort of holiday that you have planned. Is it already on a shoe-string budget, or could you go somewhere cheaper and so afford for all of you to go together? If it's the former then I think you are in order to take your boys away for a bit. However, if it is possible to economise and all go somewhere together then surely that would be the better option?

dont_know_2

Thanks for all of your replies, for & against.

I do feel its hard for you to give genuine advice without all the facts, which i have not provided by trying to keep it basic.

My partner has 4 "children" 3 of which were already adults when we met, so were never in our "family home"
Her youngest now 16 also as very regular contact with her father and he treats her to holidays/days out when possible.
My 2 boys may get the odd day trip to a wet coast with their mother.

hard to now comment on every reply, but to certain ones, i'd like to add we've just had 4 nights away abroad in march (just us 2) and we always book a week off work in sept for her birthday,again just us 2

i'll also add its always lo-cost airlines and budget hotels, we both work hard on very average incomes.

so basically we've already had a 4 night/5 day holiday alone, she'd also consider the same again in sept after the wedding, again just us 2 has its in school/college term, i wont take my eldest out of school.

But alas my argument is lost as we have now broken up over the situation :sad::sad:

robster1964

Stop being so stupid! These things are normal in extended families... It's all about give and take... It wouldn't kill you to go with the flow to support your girlfriend... And if you do, you will get it back in spades x good luck x

ineed

dont_know wrote: »

Thanks for all of your replies, for & against.

I do feel its hard for you to give genuine advice without all the facts, which i have not provided by trying to keep it basic.

My partner has 4 "children" 3 of which were already adults when we met, so were never in our "family home"
Her youngest now 16 also as very regular contact with her father and he treats her to holidays/days out when possible.
My 2 boys may get the odd day trip to a wet coast with their mother.

hard to now comment on every reply, but to certain ones, i'd like to add we've just had 4 nights away abroad in march (just us 2) and we always book a week off work in sept for her birthday,again just us 2

i'll also add its always lo-cost airlines and budget hotels, we both work hard on very average incomes.

so basically we've already had a 4 night/5 day holiday alone, she'd also consider the same again in sept after the wedding, again just us 2 has its in school/college term, i wont take my eldest out of school.

But alas my argument is lost as we have now broken up over the situation :sad::sad:

I am so sorry to hear that. I've just read through this post and it seemed like you both had issues over your family unit. But from what you have just posted it seemed very fair for you to want to give your children a holiday, but maybe have included the daughter if you were close.

Once again, sorry to hear of your split .