Am I wrong?

dont_know_2

Hello, I'm after some neutral thoughts on a "situation" between my partner and myself.
Bit of background,
We've been together a few years, no children together but both got some from previous, her youngest daughter still lives with us.

However we are at loggerheads about our holidays,
We both work, but not very well paid and find it tough at times,

I want to take my 2 boys away but she cant afford to go in july when the kids break up, we always split the cost pro rata on who's going,
The reason she cant afford it is another daughter is getting married very soon and she's paying for certain things for that,
I have absolutely no problem with that, but I still want to take my 2 away, She says i'm being very selfish in this, but i cant see the problem,
her priorities at the moment lay with helping fund her daughters wedding and therefore my 2 boys must go without an holiday this year.
I insisted i wasn't been unfair, there's no way i could afford to pay for her and her daughter so i booked for the 3 of us, just for 5 nights away,
now we have not spoken for 2 days.

at times, part of me feels some guilt in doing what i've done,
but I honestly think i am just putting my 2 boys ahead of her, is that so wrong? the same really can be said of her with her daughters wedding.
I understand her disappointment but its peeing me off with the cold atmosphere at home

daisiegg

It kind of doesn't sound like you see yourself as a family unit, just 'my kids' and 'her kids'. Yes, she is probably seeing her daughter's wedding as a priority, but arguably this will only happen once (unless of course she has loads of other marriageable daughters!) whereas opportunities to go on holiday will come around year after year.

However, I equally don't think you're wrong to want to take your boys away for five nights. It seems like it's the general attitudes and feelings behind it all that are causing the real problem.

newcook

Can you not go another time of the year when your OH can afford to come with you?

dont_know_2

newcook wrote: »

Can you not go another time of the year when your OH can afford to come with you?

Not this year, my dates off work are set, September but kids will be back at school

dont_know_2

daisiegg wrote: »

It kind of doesn't sound like you see yourself as a family unit, just 'my kids' and 'her kids'. Yes, she is probably seeing her daughter's wedding as a priority, but arguably this will only happen once (unless of course she has loads of other marriageable daughters!) whereas opportunities to go on holiday will come around year after year.

However, I equally don't think you're wrong to want to take your boys away for five nights. It seems like it's the general attitudes and feelings behind it all that are causing the real problem.

The "family" bit is her argument, but we've gone away without 1 or 2 of the kids before, we even missed her eldest daughters wedding last year due to the costs

tea_lover

From what you've written my initial reaction is that she's being out of order tbh, but obviously we only have one side to go on here!

Her priorty right now is her daughter's wedding - fair enough. But as you say, your priority is your boys.

I feel sorry for her youngest daughter - no wedding and no holiday.

As someone else has posted, you don't really sound like much of a family from what you've written.

dont_know_2

tea_lover wrote: »

From what you've written my initial reaction is that she's being out of order tbh, but obviously we only have one side to go on here!

Her priorty right now is her daughter's wedding - fair enough. But as you say, your priority is your boys.

I feel sorry for her youngest daughter - no wedding and no holiday.

As someone else has posted, you don't really sound like much of a family from what you've written.

Her daughter went to the wedding, her father paid for her, it was abroad and way too expensive for us to go, plus it was also in school time, and no way I could get 1 of my boys out,
We are usually quite well at being a family, I don't want to give the impression of us fighting all the time

Caroline_a

If she didnt go to her daughter's wedding, she's probably still hurting over that, and if you are now going to take your boys away I can see that compounding the feelings.

Only solution - talk and more talk.

Spendless

dont_know wrote: »

Her daughter went to the wedding, her father paid for her, it was abroad and way too expensive for us to go, plus it was also in school time, and no way I could get 1 of my boys out,
We are usually quite well at being a family, I don't want to give the impression of us fighting all the time

Why when it came to her eldest's daughter the deciding factor was whether 'us' could go, inc you and your sons, and it led to none of you going, but not when it comes to this years hols?

Mojisola

As you've both agreed to this pro rata of system of finances all the time you've been together, I think she's being unreasonable.

I couldn't live like that but, as it's worked for you up to now, I don't see how she can complain. She's spending her money on her children - presumably her youngest daughter will be going to her sister's wedding. Her youngest daughter also had the trip abroad to the other wedding which your boys didn't get. This time she gets to stay home with Mum while you and your boys have some time together.

dont_know_2

Caroline_a wrote: »

If she didnt go to her daughter's wedding, she's probably still hurting over that, and if you are now going to take your boys away I can see that compounding the feelings.

Only solution - talk and more talk.

Don't think she was bitterly disappointed at missing that 1.
At least she hid it well if it did.

I seem to remember telling her to go on her own, again money put pay to that