Am I wrong?

dont_know_2

Stephb1986 wrote: »

I will give you a honest opinion. Yes you are being selfish why couldn't you of booked a cheaper holiday and all of you go?

My opinion is that you see it as your family and her family your not all one family. How long have you been together??

My mum is in a second marriage I currently live with my mum and step dad, I also have a brother and step sister, I am getting married soon and my mum and step dad have agreed to pay for something from my wedding which is a few hundred quid instead of having a wedding present. But we've always gone on holiday as a family what your doing is making a divide between you all which is totally out of order.

Do you live with her or she live with you or have a place together?

You really should book a "family" holiday where all of you go not just you and your boys and her and her girls.

we do/did live together and i do tend to agree with what you say, hence my odd feeling of guilt,
but to put it into perspective, "her side" has had numerous holidays along with breaks away for just us 2,
i just want something for my boys which i dont think unreasonable, though i know i'll regret it has my youngest can really get on his brothers wotzits!

dont_know_2

ineed wrote: »

but maybe have included the daughter if you were close.

Once again, sorry to hear of your split .

we are close, but never a father type, also i dont think thats an option anyway, she'll have left school and she wouldn't be bothered anyway without her mum

also never been any issues with us before, just that now she wants 2 holidays with no kids + help pay for a wedding, and my boys get nothing

ineed

dont_know wrote: »

we are close, but never a father type, also i dont think thats an option anyway, she'll have left school and she wouldn't be bothered anyway without her mum

also never been any issues with us before, just that now she wants 2 holidays with no kids + help pay for a wedding, and my boys get nothing

Ah I see. Well I hope you guys have a nice holiday even after all this unpleasantness.

dont_know_2

onlyroz wrote: »

My response would depend on the sort of holiday that you have planned. Is it already on a shoe-string budget, or could you go somewhere cheaper and so afford for all of you to go together? If it's the former then I think you are in order to take your boys away for a bit. However, if it is possible to economise and all go somewhere together then surely that would be the better option?

shoestring without the bobbly bits on the end!
i think £500 for 3 people 5 nights in spain during the 6 weeks holidays is slip-on shoes never mind shoestring!
also add my youngest is just 7, so i'm not going to be out clubbing

dont_know_2

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Clearly, family means different things to different people, and the 2 of you haven't really integrated yours.

The fact that your OH's other daughter chose to marry knowing that her own mother couldn't join her tells us everything we need to know about the level of dysfunction that exists in your OH's family without the addition of your clan. I find it all very bewildering and wonder why exactly you are together if you can't reach agreement on this straightforward matter.

You can still spend quality time with your boys in the summer w/o going away. As a child, my parents never had the money for holidays - but since we've grown up, I've seen the world, and so have my siblings.

i know i said earlier its hard to reply to all, but to you, yes!
I'm from a broken family, and our dad couldn't give us anything but love & care!
i'm not that old (42 i think?) but i remember not even having a tv at 15, the house, not me!
kids these days think that we are slumming it if the bar/restaurant doesn't have wifi!
but i too would sooner be there with them moaning than 6 foot under

dont_know_2

Gigervamp wrote: »

Will the boys not be going on holiday this year with their mother?

very very doubtful

dont_know_2

ognum wrote: »

I think you and your partner need to sit down and talk.

You need to both think about your life together and your life apart, by this I mean the two of you as a couple and your allegiances to your children.

What you have seems much like a buisness partnership with sex rather than a union of two people.

Could you not have had a conversation saying I know things are really expensive for you because of your daughters wedding and I understand your need to help her out but if you could save a small amount of money I have some money and we could get a cottage away together for the whole family? You have to work out how to maintain relationships with your partner as well as your children.

Having only lived in a relationship where we throw everything into one pot and discuss how it is spent I really find the competitive nature of your finances difficult to fathom.

Please sit and talk and try to resolve things so they don't happen again!

as ive said, she says its a definite no in july when my holidays are, but could do sept on our own.
i feel i must treat my kids, the same as i expect my "partner" to do hers, usually it all falls in place, but now its hit a brick wall.
i love her to bits, but she says ive ruined it as "us as a family" and can never be right again.
really gutted, but kids come first

Seanymph

I think you are doing the right thing to stick to your guns.

Some people do want it all one way, and it's not fair. You should be not just allowed, but encouraged to spent time with your boys - especially if she is also getting alone time with you and is supporting her daughters wedding.

I'm sorry to hear that you guys couldn't work it out.

CH27

I'm sorry you've split.

quantumleap

I think splitting up over something like this is silly to be perfectly honest. You are both very fortunate to have found something special and to throw it away over something that is resolvable is, in my opinion, foolish.

Yes, it is a significant problem but one that you both have to sit down and discuss like adults. I don't think either of you have handled this particularly brilliantly. Her for insisting that you sons accept less because she can't go and you for going ahead and booking it without making every attempt to come to an arrangement with your partner (which would have allowed for you to book something because I do agree that you are not in the wrong for wanting to give your sons a holiday).


So you both need to sit down, accept things are the way they are this time around but resolve to ensure that lessons are learned on both sides, and that nothing like this will happen again.