Am I wrong?

Blackpool_Saver

people go in and out of marriage type situations far too easily, I feel sorry for the kids, they mustn't know which way is up. You weren't a family, it wouldn't have blown away as easily if you had been.
It's very simple, if the boys had been yours and hers, would you have taken them away on holiday on your own?......nah didn't think so. Five minute families

Blackpool_Saver

dont_know wrote: »

i have not loaned it, its loaned in my name,she will pay it back (i hope!)

what would you call it then?

eskimo26

londonsurrey wrote: »

It sounds like she wanted you to give more, whilst keeping her money as hers.

Indeed and its otherwise known as having your cake and eating it.

The loan was a big mistake, it doesn't take much for someone to decide they no longer feel like paying it back. Just a little bit of distance and she'll start to wonder why she's paying it and likely stop...

dont_know_2

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

people go in and out of marriage type situations far too easily, I feel sorry for the kids, they mustn't know which way is up. You weren't a family, it wouldn't have blown away as easily if you had been.
It's very simple, if the boys had been yours and hers, would you have taken them away on holiday on your own?......nah didn't think so. Five minute families

we were together over 6 years, my youngest loves her to bits and she does him, she treats him like her own, oldest isn't really fussed either way, but thats his age,same with her daughter,
but i agree with what you say about kids not been our own

dont_know_2

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

what would you call it then?

the banks loaned it, not me personally, but i am liable for it, but i do trust her to repay it

dont_know_2

eskimo26 wrote: »

Indeed and its otherwise known as having your cake and eating it.

The loan was a big mistake, it doesn't take much for someone to decide they no longer feel like paying it back. Just a little bit of distance and she'll start to wonder why she's paying it and likely stop...

i'd trust her with my life, i really would, don't want to paint a pretty picture of myself, at the beginning of our relationship i was a complete XXXXX and she stood by me, i changed,
unfortunately so has she now and i cant be a bit-part

January20

dont_know wrote: »

i'd trust her with my life, i really would, don't want to paint a pretty picture of myself, at the beginning of our relationship i was a complete XXXXX and she stood by me, i changed,
unfortunately so has she now and i cant be a bit-part

I hope - for your sake - that you can afford to repay the money she borrowed from you because if she doesn't want to pay it back, there is nothing you can do: it is in your name. It's not the bank that loan it to her, it was you because ultimately you are responsible for repaying it.

You say you trust her with your life? You're a fool then (Sorry ). Her actions are not that of a loving woman who can be trusted. I await your next thread "I loaned some money to my partner and now she is refusing to pay. What can I do?" Don't bother. The answer will be "nothing"!

cutestkids

Sounds to me like you and your boys will be better off without her.

Seems like as long as it was going her way everything was fine, then first time you stand up to her and do something for your own kids she throws her toys out the pram.

Time to get on with your life without her in it I think.

londonsurrey

Maybe you can trust her with your life, but she's ALREADY demonstrated to you that you can't trust her with your money and your heart.

Her attitude to your money is that you should subsidise her. She may not be wrong, if you both agree that the role of the man is to pay for the woman, and if he's not willing to do it, she'll find another man.

There are all kinds of people and relationships in this world. It's entirely up to you what you choose to opt for. However, it is a mistake to not understand what you're looking at, which seems to be a woman who is willing to do all sorts to stand by her man (her being good to you at the beginning of the relationship), and this same woman subscribes to the "traditional" view that the man pays for stuff.

amus

I think this is the problem when families who already have kids from a previous relationship 'merge'.

At the end of the day however you want to paint it your own kids will always be your priority and vice versa. Thus disagreements such as this one will be inevitable.

I think keeping your finances seperate in these situations is sensible. You shouldnt be subsidising her kids and she shouldnt be subsidising yours.

If think she is being unfair breaking up with you over this.

Just out of interst though, why could she not afford to go to her daughters wedding last year, but she can afford to put towards the other daughters wedding this year? I would be upset if I was the eldest. Or did she contribute towards that wedding aswell?