Childs party DD not invited

lostinrates

meritaten wrote: »

and if it was a genuine oversight then the little girls mum has had no chance to put matters straight has she? in her position I would rather explain that numbers were limited and not everyone could be invited. but perhaps some of you dont understand the dynamics of village life and village schools.

Well, i do understand such dynamics. And i believe it is best not to approach. Village life and dynamics assures this could be fodder for gossip in less than two shakes of a lambs tail, and has the potential to become a big fish story.....even if it IS an oversight, because often people feel embarrassed at oversights and rather than quietly ammend they try and distract by finger pointing and critising. It is far better imo, to be seen as gracious, self effacing and to give a card but not give a damn

Meritaten, people can understand what its like in villages and hold a contrary opinion, and hoth could be right opinions depending on circumstances and people.

Nicki

meritaten wrote: »

. but perhaps some of you dont understand the dynamics of village life and village schools.

does it suddenly become less rude to force an invitation out of an unwilling mum if you live in a village then? Or to draw attention to the fact that their financial circumstances permit a smaller celebration than they might have otherwise wished.

If so, I am very glad I live in a large city. However, I was brought up in a tiny rural village and my mother would have scooped her own liver out and fed it to the birds before she would have embarrassed herself and another parent by querying why I or any of my siblings hadn't been invited to a child's party .

aliasojo

I feel soooo sorry for your daughter OP, I would be heart sore for mine if she were in that position.

However, there is no way I would approach the other parent about this. That is just wrong imo. No-one should have to justify their decision over who they invite and who they don't.

I don't believe it is an oversight. I believe the party child was told 6 people were allowed to go and she picked the 6 she wanted at that time.

Also, if the shoe were on the other foot and I was approached by the parent of a kid that wasn't invited, I'd be annoyed at their pushiness tbh. Even considering any previous interaction between us.

emsywoo123

OP, we went through a *very* similar situation in December. I was going to post on your thread earlier but I didn't want to think about it, so I just hoped this thread would disappear but as it hasn't, I am posting :cool:

DD is in year 4, and was the only girl not invited to a "Lush" party (which she would have loved) I am friends with the mum on fb, and she was posting pics etc while it was going on. :eek:

Still to this day I do not know why she was not invited. The girls went on play dates to each others houses, were great friends etc.

I can't even look at the mother without wanting to slap her for upsetting my daughter. Yup, I know that makes me a bad person, but my DD was really upset.

I just keep thinking "7 more terms" of seeing this woman.........

Er right yes so I am sure I have not helped and I don't feel any better, so we best all hope my internet connection crashes when I press "submit reply" then eh? :rotfl:

JodyBPM

Becks81 wrote: »

Ok... to clarify.

Years 1 and 2 are in the same class at school, (18 children in total) there are 5 girls in Year 2 and 6 in Year 1. My DD is the only girl in Year 2 not to get an invite but is not the only girl in the class not to be invited.

So birthday girl was allowed to invite 6 people, which meant that 2/3 of the class weren't invited, and just under half of the girls weren't invited.This doesn't sound AT ALL to me like your daughter being singled out/left out.

My DD tells me she only plays with the girls and some boys in her year, not the Year 1's (as this is the year DD2 is in)

Obviously all the children in the class do play together regardless of year, otherwise birthday girl wouldn't have chosen some year 1 girls to invite. If your daughter doesn't play with the year one girls, then that's her choice, but obviously the birthday girl does, and considers them good enough friends to invite to her party. That is her choice.

I'm glad that you've decided not to speak to the birthday girl's mum, totally the right decision IMO.

I understand that you (and your DD) are hurt, but I very much doubt this was meant as an intentional slight. Your distinction between year 1 and year 2 girls in the same class seems quite strange to me, and I suspect this wasn't considered at all by birthday girl and her mum!

I imagine that birthday girl's mum told her she could pick 6 people to invite, and she picked the 6 people that she considered her best friends *at that time*. This doesn't mean that she doesn't like your daughter (or any of the other non invited children), or intended to leave her out, simply that she chose 6 other girls that she wanted to invite more than she wanted to invite your DD. Your DD might well be her 7th best friend in the class, or she might be her 18th, there's no way of knowing. The only thing you know is that she invited one third of the class, and your daughter was in the 2/3s of the class that weren't invited.

Honestly, I doubt any slight was intended at all. If your DD had been the only one out of the class of 18 not invited, or the only girl out of the 11 in the class not invited, I'd feel different, that it was perhaps a deliberate slight, or a sign that the girls weren't friends. But as the figures are at the moment, I really don't see anything to be put out by.

My DD is in year 2 a very large infant school with a 3 class intake (so 90 children) and I let her invite 15-20 children to her party, depending on what she's doing. They are very integrated classes forming different groups for different lessons etc, and she chooses the people she wants to invite from the whole year. I have absolutely no idea if on some occasions she has invited all but one girl in "her" class, or all but one boy in her maths group or her literacy group etc. She simply invites the people she likes/plays with most *at that time*. Apart from 3 or 4 who have been best friends throughout, the children she invites change year to year!

Becks81

emsywoo123 wrote: »

OP, we went through a *very* similar situation in December. I was going to post on your thread earlier but I didn't want to think about it, so I just hoped this thread would disappear but as it hasn't, I am posting :cool:

DD is in year 4, and was the only girl not invited to a "Lush" party (which she would have loved) I am friends with the mum on fb, and she was posting pics etc while it was going on. :eek:

Still to this day I do not know why she was not invited. The girls went on play dates to each others houses, were great friends etc.

I can't even look at the mother without wanting to slap her for upsetting my daughter. Yup, I know that makes me a bad person, but my DD was really upset.

I just keep thinking "7 more terms" of seeing this woman.........

Er right yes so I am sure I have not helped and I don't feel any better, so we best all hope my internet connection crashes when I press "submit reply" then eh? :rotfl:

You have my sympathy, being in Year 4 I'm sure it would have effected your DD a lot more than it has mine at this time, she seems to have got over it almost straight away - which makes me feel even worse for even considering speaking to the birthday girls mother.

But your comment about wanting to slap the mum for upsetting your DD rings so true...before anyone attacks me of course I wouldn't resort to physical violence, its just not nice seeing your child upset by anyone, so I understand how you feel - if it makes me a bad person too so be it. But thank you for sharing how you felt :T

fudgecat

It happened to me. In my naivity I let my daughter invite every girl to the party in her class. Daughter left out one girl that she did not like very much. I had no idea that this had happened until after the party. I was mortified that my daughter had done this and annoyed with myself for not double checking. My heart bled for the poor child who was the only child in the class not to come to our party. We bought a party present and goody bag for the child not invited, when I discovered what had happened, but to be honest the damage was done and the situation never really resolved itself until they left school.
Had the mother approached me before the party, this could have been resolved.
ParentaL NOTE - always check the class list!

jellyhead

fudgecat wrote: »

Had the mother approached me before the party, this could have been resolved.
ParentaL NOTE - always check the class list!

We are not allowed class lists!

You could do your own when you see them line up though.

I ask parents if the child has not responded to our invite, just in case they sent a reply slip but it fell into somebody's wellies or whatever. It's more tricky if the child doesn't have family doing the drop-off and pick-up though, so I can see how it might happen.

Spendless

jellyhead wrote: »

We are not allowed class lists!

You could do your own when you see them line up though.

We weren't when mine were at Infant school. We did have to take our child into class every day and help/oversee them putting their coat on their peg, a peg that had their name on and they shared a cloakroom with every child in their class. One Mum on being refused a list - said 'ok I shall just memorise all the children's names each day from the coat pegs and write them down when I get home instead'. She got a list. Her child has a Nov birthday, and at xmas what was her child sent home with - a xmas list with each child's name on. As mine have birthdays after Christmas, I just used to save the xmas card list to refer to.

loracan1

Back in 1977/78 I went into school one day to find my best friends all talking about a new film that was coming out. I told them it was going to be rubbish, massively over-hyped and I'd not want to watch it in a million years. Got a bit miffed when I didn't get invited to one girl's birthday 'do'...until I found out it'd been a cinema trip to Star Wars...