Childs party DD not invited

suki1001

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I've had a nightmare with my child's party as one invitation went astray when they were being put in the book bags. Tbh I was rather insulted the mother concerned thought I'd be rude enough to allow my daughter to invite 23 of the other children and not her son. It's taken ages to get rid of the bad feeling. Children's parties can be a minefield.

Seriously, I would assume I hadn't recieved an invite and I would not take it any further. I can't believe you had bad feeling about it. Poor other mum.

Rude people go round asking why their children haven't been invited to X's birthday party.

For those of you who are suggesting the guilt trip method of sending a present, you horrible, horrible people. What an awful thing to do.

nickj_2

unfortunately it's life ... deal with it , it will be an important lesson for your daughter to learn
the only thing you could do is say to the mother that me(that's you , not me) and dd are going to x , she may say , aren't you coming to the party , that then gives you the opening mention any misunderstanding /lost invite , but i would tread carefully

Lunar_Eclipse

I've been in this situation with DD1. Personally, I wouldn't approach the mother, because (unbelievably) I think it's far more likely the party exclusion is deliberate as opposed to a mistake such as a lost invitation.

It saddens me that some parents think excluding 1 or even 2 children in a class or year is acceptable behaviour, or when they actually give it no thought and simply base invites purely in terms of guest numbers and/or cost, but it is very, very common.

Becks81

Ok... to clarify.

Years 1 and 2 are in the same class at school, (18 children in total) there are 5 girls in Year 2 and 6 in Year 1. My DD is the only girl in Year 2 not to get an invite but is not the only girl in the class not to be invited.

My DD tells me she only plays with the girls and some boys in her year, not the Year 1's (as this is the year DD2 is in)

The last set of posts have really made me think. I decided to not ask the mother and just let it go purely because I don't like confrontation and would hate for the situation to end up in a 'pity' invite for DD, and also for word to get about amongst the parents that I am being awkward (small school and everything) and people may talk.

I don't think the girls have fallen out, my DD is more of a follower than a leader so I'm sure she wouldn't have done anything to upset the birthday girl - jeez she only has 5 girls to play with so I'm sure she would not do or say anything to effect this.

Oh I really don't know what to do for the best anymore.

Becks81

Oh and have just checked both DD's book bags to make sure an invite was definitely not in there.

Spendless

Personally, I'd leave it. From what you've said the child has invited 6 out of 10 kids (assumming 11th child is the Birthday girl). I doubt child gave it any thought over which child was in yr 1 and which in yr 2, she'll have just given her Mum a guest list.

suki1001

Becks81 wrote: »

Ok... to clarify.

Years 1 and 2 are in the same class at school, (18 children in total) there are 5 girls in Year 2 and 6 in Year 1. My DD is the only girl in Year 2 not to get an invite but is not the only girl in the class not to be invited.

My DD tells me she only plays with the girls and some boys in her year, not the Year 1's (as this is the year DD2 is in)

The last set of posts have really made me think. I decided to not ask the mother and just let it go purely because I don't like confrontation and would hate for the situation to end up in a 'pity' invite for DD, and also for word to get about amongst the parents that I am being awkward (small school and everything) and people may talk.

I don't think the girls have fallen out, my DD is more of a follower than a leader so I'm sure she wouldn't have done anything to upset the birthday girl - jeez she only has 5 girls to play with so I'm sure she would not do or say anything to effect this.

Oh I really don't know what to do for the best anymore.

I can understand it's a bit awkward, but I really would move on from this. This is the start of many parties your daughter might not be invited to. My DD isn't the most popular person in the class because she is shy, so she's missed out on a lot of invites. I think better to gear your DD up that these things happen and possibly explain it doesn't mean the other girl isn't friends with the op.
I think it's good you've decided not to approach, it would probably as you say only make the playground politics worse.
Looking at it from a child's point of view, my son often invites people because they haven't been to the house before and I can see with a small group of people he'd invite people to a party for the same reason. He thinks it's being fair rather than inviting the same people. Don't assume the reasoning is detrimental to your daughter.

Edit forgot to add, although my daughter struggles with friends, my son is really popular and doesn't have a best friend as such he has lots of friends. I can see that some of his friends could be put in your position and I would have to make tough decisions when it came down to party invites, it wouldn't mean anything other than down to numbers and who my son had chosen. Is this a possibility?

whitewing

You could just have a think about a number if different ways to approach it. Then if the situation crops up that you feel you want to say something, you will have the words ready and be less likely to escalate a situation.

You could also have a birthday card/present available to give if your daughter feels that she would anyway. Not necessarily discuss it with your daughter but have it there in case it's needed/wanted.

I have a preschooler and I'm now dreading her negotiating primary school!

daveyjp

Its not the UN. Our daughter gets invites to some parties and not others and similarly she can only invite a few friends to her party.

KiKi

I really wouldn't get involved in confronting the mother. The other child has, for whatever reason, chosen to invite 6 friends she wants to be with. It doesn't mean she hates your DD, simply that there are other people she'd rather spend her day with. Why should she invite your DD just because it's the 'political' thing to do? Kids feel left out, but they don't see the politics in it - it's adults who put that condition on it.

If I were the other mum, I'd feel quite affronted if you told me my daughter was wrong for inviting who she wanted (because that's how I'd read it, no matter how nicely you said it). It would come across that somehow you think I should intervene and tell my daughter who to invite. I understand that your DD's upset, but it's not like she's being bullied, or hit, or ignored at school. She's just not invited to one cinema showing. That doesn't require parental intervention, IMO.

The fact that Years 1 and 2 are the SAME class makes a big difference, too - you really did make it sound like she was the only person in the whole class not to be invited. The fact that they are in different 'years' won't have occurred to the other child. They're all in the same class, and she picked 6 kids.

Help your daughter find ways to deal with the disappointment, and be sympathetic, but IMO, I wouldn't allow your anger to take over and talk to the mother as to why her child hasn't dared invite your DD! Although they may have done lots of social things together, for all you know the other child may have seen those 6 kids a lot more than your daughter.

If you do give the other child a card or gift, give it in in the right spirit, though - not to make a point. This is a 7 year old child who probably just picked her best friends (in her eyes) and hasn't thought any further than that.

KiKi