Childs party DD not invited

Becks81

Janepig wrote: »

When you say this other child is having a birthday party, what form is the birthday party taking. I mean it's not going to be much of a party if there's only two children invited! Or is it a sleepover?

From what DD has told me, the birthday girl has invited 6 friends to the cinema. All the girls from Year 2 (except DD) and 2 girls from Year 1.

I know its not tit for tat, but the girl in question has been invited to all of my DD's parties and has also been invited to my other DD's (who is in Year 1) party. So to put it bluntly every birthday party both my DD's have had she has been invited to.

lilymay1

I'm another one that wouldn't approach the other girls mother.

Whilst I can understand it's a difficult situation to be in, not being included in everything is part of life.

Caroline_a

Having brought up 3 girls I would say that little girls change their friends more often than they change their clothes!! I wouldn't mind a £ for every time one of them came home and said 'I HATE so and so, I'm NEVER going to talk to her again'... and the next day they were all happy skipping together again! I found it easier just not to get involved, it was never personal, it's just the way little girls are hard-wired. If you get involved it then becomes more serious. It's one party, she'll probably get invited to dozens more as the year goes on...

zagfles

If you know when the party is you could approach the mother and invite her DD round for tea/to play at the same time. Then you'll get one of 3 types of response:
An excuse - errm, sorry we're busy, going round to relatives..
The truth - she's having a party but she can only have a couple of friends round because...
Surprise (perhaps fake) - "didn't you get the invite to my DDs party?"

balletshoes

with such a small number of girls being invited, I wouldn't ask the birthday girl's mum outright either. You're absolutely right, its not tit for tat with birthday invites, and neither should it be. If you know the mum and chat to her regularly at the school gates etc, I might ask her if they have anything planned for her girl's birthday, just to give the mum a chance to tell you, off her own bat so to speak , what the story is without you putting it like you expect your daughter to be included.

It could be very simple, right now the birthday girl might get on with the other girls better, and wants to invite them.

whitewing

If they are all going to the cinema perhaps it is restricted on the number of adults/cars available to take them. Are the children in mixed year 1/year 2 classes? If so, it may not be as deliberate as missing out 1 year 2 girl. It could be simply pick 6 prople from the classroom and that is just how it worked out. (Of course it hurts though).

esmy

I wouldn't approach the other mum because there can only be two outcomes - either you feel embarrassed because you get the kind of response JoJo talks about ( or worse an unbelievable excuse and a hurried last minute invitation), or you manage to embarrass the other mum, whether it's an oversight or a deliberate non invite.

Your children's disappointments are always harder to bear than your own and you have many, many years of this to come, including many more occasions of feeling left out to teenage broken hearts. The children will forget the slight and move on - unfortunately us adults aren't so good at that.

gingin_2

Becks81 wrote: »

Please don't get me wrong, I don't believe that if there is a party my DD has to be invited to it, (from a MSE point of view it would save me £10) but if there is no misunderstanding and DD is the only one not invited to the party this would really effect how I viewed the other mother, even without knowing all the facts (as I know what children are like) I'm still quite hacked off her as it is!!

Or, you could take revenge by putting on your nicest nice voice and hand the mother a perfectly wrapped present for the child( it doesn't have to be expensive) and say your daughter was disappointed she wasn't coming but that she had desperately wanted to give her good friend a gift for her birthday. Maybe then it might sink in?

Armchair23

Your daughter hasn't been invited because for whatever reason she's not that important to the birthday girl at the moment.
And really that should be end of.
They'll form and break loads of friendships over the years, some will be long lasting some smooth and easy others a right royal pain.
I imagine you're probably more upset than your daughter over the 'slight'.
But if it was your daughters birthday party would you make her ask someone along she didn't want there ?
I think this is where you have to be the grown up and realise it's just not that important and pass that on to your kid.
Easier said than done I know, but that's being a Mum for you...

GobbledyGook

I would ask. If you know the mother and know the kind of person she is then you'll know if she's the type to allow her child to be rude enough to exclude only 1 child from her party. If she isn't then I'd double check.

How did the invitations come out? If they went through the school then I'd definately check. Perhaps less so if they were personally handed out.

I've had a nightmare with my child's party as one invitation went astray when they were being put in the book bags. Tbh I was rather insulted the mother concerned thought I'd be rude enough to allow my daughter to invite 23 of the other children and not her son. It's taken ages to get rid of the bad feeling. Children's parties can be a minefield.