Childs party DD not invited

Becks81

My DD's attend the local village school, it is a small school with just over 60 pupils with the average class size of 10-12 children.

My DD is in Year 2, there are 5 girls in her school year. One of the other girls in her class is having a birthday party and DD isn't invited. She is really upset, I tried to explain to her that it isn't the end of the world and that we can make plans to do something nice on the day instead. She classes this girl as her best friend out of the other girls and has been round her house and had her over to tea the most out of the rest of the class.

But what is really upsetting her is the fact that 2 girls in Year 1 have been invited instead of her, and they have all been talking about it and obviously DD feels left out.

As I've said it is a small school so everyone knows everyone, and I wouldn't say that me and the other girls mum are best friends but we are on the PTA together and talk quite a bit in the playground (her DS didn't get his first choice Secondary school and I offered support as she was more cut up about it then him). So I am a little bit hurt that she has singled out my DD in this way. Money is not an issue I know for a fact, and I would never dream of singling out just one child in the school year.

I'm now finding it really hard to cheer DD up especially when I can understand completely where she is coming from.

Should I say something to the other childs mother? Or just leave it and accept this is just part of growing up, and that there is worse to come? :(I really don't know how to handle this and can't talk it through with anyone else at school.

rrf494g

sorry but . . .

what is a "DD" (other than the obvious underware sizing)?
and a "DS"?
It's hard to comment without knowing.

thehappybutterfly

Maybe they're just assuming that your daughter will be there? They've maybe not thought that your daughter needs an invitation.

gingin_2

rrf494g wrote: »

sorry but . . .

what is a "DD" (other than the obvious underware sizing)?
and a "DS"?
It's hard to comment without knowing.

DD - Dear daughter

DS - Dear son

Pretty standard MSE/forum abbreviations.

meritaten

Yes - I would ask the mum why your DD hasnt been invited. it could be that this is an oversight - perhaps her invite got lost or there may be any number of reasons. you know this lady so it is (to my mind), quite acceptable to ask why your DD has been left out.

gingin_2

I'm sure you'll get a mixture of responses but I would be upset too. Are they doing anything specific that dd might not enjoy and has your dd explicitly been told that she's not invited?

I would take her out for a nice day that day but not mention the lack of invite to the mother.

My dd is year three and we are finding that girls/ dynamics/ friendships are changing for the worse and if some girls can find a way of pushing another child's buttons they will. Do you think your dd is being deliberately left out, or is it an innocent oversight?

Janepig

When you say this other child is having a birthday party, what form is the birthday party taking. I mean it's not going to be much of a party if there's only two children invited! Or is it a sleepover? In which case money isn't really the issue, it's more a case of having enough room. And besides which, people who appear to have the trappings of wealth, often are trying to keep their heads above water because of overspending so unless you're their bank manager or something I don't know how you'd know!

Anyway, it is horrible, I know, my DD (year 4) has been left out of a particular "clique's" birthday celebrations for three years running now - she was very upset the first time, okay the second time, and this year she said she doesn't care. She's playing with afew different girls now. And whereas I was upset for her initially, I'm quite glad not to have to bother with getting another birthday present for someone. Imo, also, it's ultimately up to the parents of the birthday boy/girl who they invite and it's none of my business really, other than having to explain to my child that sometimes life, and schoolfriends, can be a biatch.

Personally I wouldn't bother approaching the mother and asking her what's going on.

Jx

Bennifred

I would definitely have a word with the mother - not to say "Why hasn't DD been invited?" because she can invite who she chooses! But something like: "Can I just check whether DD is invited or not, was wondering if invite has gone astray and it all seems a bit odd....." and take it from there.
It seems very cruel to leave one girl out, and unless there's a reason it seems unlikely that it is deliberate . Better to find out than fester!

meer53

I wouldn't mention it to the other girls mother. She might have asked her daughter who she would like to invite, and maybe she doesnt see your daughter as one of her best friends ? My daughter is 11 and has different best friends every week.

If you ask her it might be a very awkward conversation for her. I'd just leave it, you'll have far worse to deal with when your daughter gets older !

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Be prepared for an entirely truthful response. You might actually get;


'My DD says she hates your DD because they both wanted a blue pen at the same time and the teacher told them both off'

or other such ridiculous reasons that for a kid make them absolutely HATE the other child.

Unfortunately, forcing a kid that has decided she hates/isn't friends with anymore to have someone she doesn't want at the party would cause even more bad feeling and problems in school than just accepting it and moving on.



And it's hard to answer someone wanting to know why their child hasn't been invited (it's not easy to tell them the truth that your kid hates theirs - although some have no problem with it), so that puts pressure on the parent to interfere in kid politics - which rarely means they come down on your kid's side and could affect your 'getting along'.

Becks81

Thank you for the replies, I really do want to approach the other child's mother but I if I'm honest I'm worried that there hasn't been a misunderstanding and DD really isn't invited... what would I say then?

Please don't get me wrong, I don't believe that if there is a party my DD has to be invited to it, (from a MSE point of view it would save me £10) but if there is no misunderstanding and DD is the only one not invited to the party this would really effect how I viewed the other mother, even without knowing all the facts (as I know what children are like) I'm still quite hacked off her as it is!!