Childs party DD not invited

kittycat204

when parents get involved in kids friendships they often keep the resentment longer than the children, who next week are mates again. I am afraid things like this are part of life, good learning opportunity. Kids just need to know that no matter what happens you will be there to love and support them. I know it's hard but i would stay well clear.

Janepig

Becks81 wrote: »

Please don't get me wrong, I don't believe that if there is a party my DD has to be invited to it, (from a MSE point of view it would save me £10) but if there is no misunderstanding and DD is the only one not invited to the party this would really effect how I viewed the other mother, even without knowing all the facts (as I know what children are like) I'm still quite hacked off her as it is!!

Nothing wrong with that. I don't feel that same anymore about the two mothers who have "slighted" my DD by not including her, but I get on with them okay and I've never approached them on it. The way I see it, DD is going to be with this group of 30+ kids until she's 18 (give or take one or two) and as others have said they'll have a tiff one day, be best mates the next, but the parents who have waded in will never patch things up. As far as your DD is concerned I'd just explain it's a life lesson learned, you can't have everything your own way, and just grin and bear it. But I was glad the other week when, after DD was left out of a sleepover that was happening in the birthday girl's parents' caravan, the night they went it absolutely !!!!!! down and blew a gale. Happy days .

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Six children? That's a LOT of money when you take into account 3D movies, popcorn, drinks, chocolate, hotdogs and everything else.

I stumped up the same for 5 friends last DD's birthday, plus a party in the house for 14.

the party of 14 with food such as chicken and special gluten free stuff because one of her friends has coeliac disease cost about 20% of the cost of the cinema.


But I have no shame - I will tell people that I can't afford another kid on the list. Probably one of the reasons that DD hates me this year

Depends how they're doing it. I took a bunch of kids to Vue last year for DD's birthday, jointly with another girl, so we split the cost, and we went to a kids club showing, which is about £1.50 each, so I think entry for all the kids and myself and my friend was about £12. I made up party bags with sweets in for them to munch on, and a good time was had by all.

If they're paying full whack then they've obviously got more money than sense!

Jx

FBaby

There are realistic possibilities, either it is a case of the invitation being lost or thought it was given sort of explanation, OR, your DD and this girl had a fall out of some sort, one that your DD might have been incline to forget about very quickly whereas this other girl holds a grudge.

I personally couldn't approach the mum, but would query my DD, ask whether something happened, something that might not be significant to her, but was to the other girl, whether she has been acting strangely lately. Surely if something happened that she would single her out specifically at her party, it is likely she is also not being so friendly any longer with her on an every day basis.

meritaten

actually Becks - I disagree with most of the posters who say dont confront the mum. Your DD has been very friendly with this child and you dont know of any falling out. she goes to a tiny village school and this changes matters - in a class of thirty or more kids then obviously most are going to be left out!
I think if you say nothing and there was simply an oversight or another reason such as the parent assuming YOUR DD didnt need a formal invite - then not turning up to the party and saying nothing is going to cause repercussions.
I think you OWE it to your DD to at least say to this parent, as another poster suggested 'Have DD and 'Your DD' fallen out? as she hasnt been invited to your DDs birthday party - I wondered if they had had a quarrel?'.
you dont have to be confrontational - in fact pin a smile on your face.
otherwise, if it was an oversight and your DD doesnt turn up this parent is going to be narked with you! and its a small place and you have to work together on the PTA.........see where I am coming from?
best get it sorted before it escalates - and if the other parent DOES say they fell out - then at least you will know how to console your child!

sassyblue

Tell you what though OP it does hurt when your child is left out even though it's part of life, like you say a nice treat for dd on that day will help her forget about it. X

GobbledyGook

Becks81 wrote: »

Thank you for the replies, but this has helped me reach a decision. I am not one for confrontation, and I can just imagine how awkward this situation could get. So I am not going to approach the mum, I'm going to write it off and move on.

I really thought I'd be shot down in flames for this thread. So thank you for the constructive comments. They have helped I don't feel so bad now.

I'm glad you've made a decision, but I did want to clarify that I do think you should ask. Just like I wish the mother in my situation had asked. She assumed her child wasn't invited, was a little offended and didn't say anything when if she had I'd have realised that one child got two invitations instead of her child getting one. I was a wee bit offended she didn't find me approachable to just ask and that she thought I'd let one child be left out. Mostly it was a shame because the wee boy missed out on the party.

If your DD is the only girl in the class not invited I'd ask because I don't know any mother who would allow their child to do that. As well as children having to realise they won't be invited to everything they also have to learn that there are things that you just don't do and, imo, leaving out one girl in the class (or one child) is one of those things that we don't do if we have manners.

Spendless

I had this with my DD last Autumn. She was the ONLY girl out of her class not invited, and the Birthday Girl said in front of her that she hadn't invited her at an out of school activity in response to a question by one of the group leaders 'Who have you invited to your birthday party?' 'I've invited every girl out of my class - clocks my DD nearby - I've invited every girl out of my class apart from Miss Spendless'

(There had been an incident prior to this when the child and her siblings had called for DD and then had her in crying within 15 mins cos they'd stampted blackberries into her shoes. My DH complained to their Mum. This is what I believe led to the non-invite. I mention this cos what followed wasn't purely to do with lack of invite)

Personally I would not allow my child to isolate one child in that way. If either of mine couldn't abide someone or we couldn't afford it, I would be telling them that they could only invite x amount, or choose a diff party that is only a couple of friends.

In my case it led to a lot of problems, because it became 'acceptable' to leave my DD out, and to be mean to her, not just for parties, but at play-time, when choosing partners in class etc. It has recently been resolved when I complained to teacher and she had the girls in over it who admitted to doing it

I'm not clear from your post if she is the ONLY girl missed out from her class or if she was one of a few. If the latter I would put it down to costs and her being perhaps more friendly with the other girls, regardless of which actual year they are in. if the former, like I had. I would just keep an eye of the situation, in case there has been any incident of why she was left out.

NBirdy

My daughter also goes to a small village school. One year we invited the whole class of 12, as it was her Reception year, she has a winter birthday so had only been there for 6 weeks or so and hadn't really had chance to settle into friendship groups as such by then. This year we can't afford such a big party so I asked DD to choose her 2 best friends (girls as it's a very pink princessy party). However there are only 5 girls in her year so that meant that we'd have to leave 2 of them out - I couldn't bring myself to do it so have had to double the number of schoolfriends who'll be invited _party_

I think if my DD was left out of a party, I'd make sure she still took a nice birthday card in to school to pass on to the birthday girl - it's a nice thing to do for a girl your DD considers a friend, and will 'remind' the mum that your DD was aware of the birthday, and that there's no hard feelings/awkwardness needed.

Triker

I think I would say to the Mother,

Hope you don't mind me mentioning but my daughter has been extremely upset not to have been invited to your daughter's birthday.

Whilst I appreciate it is entirely up to your daughter and yourself who you invite, perhaps you'll understand how difficult it has been for me to explain why, in a very small class in a very small school, to my daughter that she isn't invited, in fact the only one out of class not to be.

I hope you do not have to face this situation because I'm sure you'll agree, its fairly upsetting when you feel your own child has been ostracized. Hope your daughter has a good birthday.


Then walk off with a smile on your face.:D

Muter your own expletives as you go.;)

suki1001

meritaten wrote: »

actually Becks - I disagree with most of the posters who say dont confront the mum. Your DD has been very friendly with this child and you dont know of any falling out. she goes to a tiny village school and this changes matters - in a class of thirty or more kids then obviously most are going to be left out!
I think if you say nothing and there was simply an oversight or another reason such as the parent assuming YOUR DD didnt need a formal invite - then not turning up to the party and saying nothing is going to cause repercussions.
I think you OWE it to your DD to at least say to this parent, as another poster suggested 'Have DD and 'Your DD' fallen out? as she hasnt been invited to your DDs birthday party - I wondered if they had had a quarrel?'.
you dont have to be confrontational - in fact pin a smile on your face.
otherwise, if it was an oversight and your DD doesnt turn up this parent is going to be narked with you! and its a small place and you have to work together on the PTA.........see where I am coming from?
best get it sorted before it escalates - and if the other parent DOES say they fell out - then at least you will know how to console your child!

I disagree, puts awful pressure on the parent to then feel obliged to invite the child. I think that's the height of rudeness.
Is nothing more than a guilt trip. I'd be really annoyed if a parent did this to me.