Childs party DD not invited

Becks81

Thank you again for the replies.

I had decided not to mention it at all, and just let it pass. I did say in my original post that I know this is probably just the start of it and I will have worse to come as the girls grow up. I guess I just feel a little sad that it has started when she is only 7.

On a positive I save myself the hassle of having to get a present, so that is another £10 towards the credit card.

Thank you all again. I appreciate the time people have spent giving their opinions and sharing their own stories.

gingin_2

Amanda65 wrote: »

Another vote here for letting it go. I have two daughters, now 20 and 18 and girls fall out quite regularly - and then as other posts have shown then become best friends again just as quickly. If you think this is difficult wait until Yr 4 / 5 - it's a nightmare :eek:

I am finding this with my daughter's class too ( last term of year 3). It's a minefield! All the girls got on great and now there are constant upsets, bullying and general nastiness where only last year they were all playing teachers and mums and dads together at playtime.

Amanda65

gingin wrote: »

I am finding this with my daughter's class too ( last term of year 3). It's a minefield! All the girls got on great and now there are constant upsets, bullying and general nastiness where only last year they were all playing teachers and mums and dads together at playtime.

At least when boys fall out they punch each other then all go off and play football, everything forgiven and forgotten - girls are vile . If it's any consolation my girls came through the other side and now have (and are) the most loyal and lovely friends anyone could wish for.

Good for you Becks on your decision. I understand how you feel as I come from the 'hurt me and I'll be cross, hurt my child and I'll hunt you down and make your life hell' brigade but that isn't really very PC on a 6 year old :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Mojisola

Parties can cause problems the other way round, too. My son brought home a party invitation. I didn't know the other boy and asked him if he wanted to go. He said he didn't - he never played with the other boy who was one of a group who always caused problems in class.

I sent a "No, thanks" and a nice birthday card. The boy's mother then caused a scene in the playground, having a go at those who had refused the invites.

FatVonD

Amanda65 wrote: »

Good for you Becks on your decision. I understand how you feel as I come from the 'hurt me and I'll be cross, hurt my child and I'll hunt you down and make your life hell' brigade

Hell, yes, I think we all signed up to that one!

Edwardia

I'd ask my DD to ask her friend why she's not invited and then the so-called friend has to wriggle.
As DD's mother I wouldn't feel it was my right to demand of friend's mum why DD wasn't invited.

Kids change their friends, favourite bands and best-food-like-ever in nanoseconds.

Is it more you wanting your DD to be popular ?? And if there are so few girls what about Brownies or riding lessons ?

Lil_Me_2

FatVonD wrote: »

Could you fit in a visit to the cinema before the party then say 'I hear you're going to see xyz for xxxxx's birthday party, we saw it the other night, it's hilarious, they're going to love it!

This is a good point though, I would consider arranging that your DD sees the same film so that she doesn't feel left out if all the other girls discuss the film at school. No point having another thing for her to feel upset about if it can be avoided

miss_independent

OP, I was that little girl who was excluded myself. I had always been popular at my first school, had (and have) a lovely mum who spoiled my friends when they came round and held massive parties for everyone in the class, then when I was 9 I moved to another area, changing to an all girls school and I was number 9 in the class - everyone in the class already had a "best friend" and I was excluded, never allowed to join in and rarely invited to parties (though everyone else was). Now I am older, I can see that it was nothing to do with me but just that I was the "new girl" and sensitive but as a child it really hurt both myself and my mother as I thought there was something wrong with me - I can also see now that I am older that some mums are just sick people and not everyone was as polite and well mannered as my own mother, it takes a pretty sick adult to intentionally single one child to leave out no matter what way you try and justify it (my mother even invited a girl that bullied me very badly to my birthday party, just not to leave only her out, funny enough as much as she hated me she came to my party!). As I got older I got used to not being invited to things as there was a time I wasn't invited to ANYTHING at all. I'm saying this to try and make you feel better - one of my mum's saddest days was when I walked in crying that I was the only person in the class not invited to the party, she hurt for me because it was one of the first times she couldn't "make it all better" but one of the happiest days was when I walked in the door aged 12, having moved to a new school after the bullying got out of control, and saying, shocked, "erm, Mum? I don't know why but some girls in my new class have asked me if I want to go to the cinema and mcdonald's with them on saturday? Can I go?", I remember her being over-joyed because this time I was being "singled out" for something good, I had been included rather than excluded.

I can remember the party "aftermath" and how the rest of the class would, actually purposely if i'm being honest, go on about the AMAZING time they had at the party. I would definitely agree with Lil_Me, make sure your daughter has seen the film, preferrably before the others so she can join in on the discussions. Even as an adult, I have still dealt with the being left out thing and up until recently I had a "friend" who would invite massive groups of girls (some she barely knew but who were friends of mine) to things (often things I had suggested we do) but leave me and my best friend out and then whenever we met up as a group she would go on about what an AMAZING time they all had. In the end, I decided she wasn't a real friend, I was too old for "playground games" and at 31, she was even older and so I decided to distance myself from her and some other "friends" in that group.

However, what I did learn before I cut her out of that life was to

a) act totally "not bovvered" when she was discussing something that they had all did, i.e "Oh yeah... did you like that film then? When we (note the mysterious, anonymous "we") saw it we thought it was just alright but then we had just saw <insert name of something that I knew she had wanted to see but hadn't got round to it> and thought that was fantastic."

b) Act REALLY HAPPY that they had SUCH a BRILLIANT time. I can still remember the puzzled "erm, we left you out and are trying to upset you by rubbing your nose in it, don't you get that?" looks on their faces. So I'd say something along the lines of, "WOW, that sounds like so much fun! That really does sound like a brilliant night out that you all had. Aww its a shame I couldn't be there but obviously, I was out with my mates in Manchester/on holiday in LA/ doing something infinitely better than you..." And the best bit was it was always true, I always planned something better to do so I wasn't sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. So in a way, them leaving me out enhanced my life!

I do not envy you or your daughter, but in the wider scheme of things who is the better mother? As I've said, I think its pretty sick to leave a child out intentionally and if it is over something silly like "the blue pen" as others have suggested then I'm afraid I'd have to teach my daughter the "water under the bridge lesson" and that it is pretty cruel to leave out one girl from the year. I'd go along with getting my daughter to sweetly give a card with a nice message such as "thank you for being my friend, hope you have a lovely birthday and a brilliant party" and then have a really fun time with DD so she goes back to school on a high, forgetting about the party. Kill em with kindness has been my motto for years.

Threebabes

I think it is a real shame that your daughter has been left out. I dont know of anyone who would do that deliberately, I think its spiteful. I would do something special yourself with your daughter.

meritaten

and if it was a genuine oversight then the little girls mum has had no chance to put matters straight has she? in her position I would rather explain that numbers were limited and not everyone could be invited. but perhaps some of you dont understand the dynamics of village life and village schools.